


Something's Electric in Your Blood

by orangeyouglad8



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: A/U, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Medical, Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Medical, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2018-04-24 12:27:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 46,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4919539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangeyouglad8/pseuds/orangeyouglad8
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know, if you keep shocking me I might regret running off the train and giving you back your scarf.” It’s teasingly light and Clarke wonders if this girl can see the humor in her eyes and the smirk on her lips.</p><p>“Who says you’re not the one shocking me?” The slightest tilt of pouty lips.</p><p>Clarke’s heart skips a beat, her lips already moving to continue the game. The banter. “I guess we’ll never know.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke takes one step outside of the building and decides to take the subway instead of venture on the fifteen minute walk back to her apartment in the cold. She knows it’s the better choice anyway, her bag weighing her down even more than usual. 

More than her schoolbooks resting on her shoulders lately. 

The wind cuts through the scarf around her face chilling her to the bone before she descends the cement stairs into the hot underground. 

The train blows in before she even has a chance to warm up. Her mittened hands still buried in the depths of her pocket, the music in her ears drowned out by the rushing of the train, the screeching and squealing of the brakes. 

It’s the worst noise in the entire world, grating and grating into her brain. 

With a sigh at the crowded cars, Clarke steps onto the train and towards a pole in the middle of the car, switching the song on her playlist to something calming and quiet. This is why she always skips the train after class. It’s too much, too many people, too many noises.

She just needs space. 

The car sways along the tracks and Clarke goes with it, watching as people get on and off, making note of all of the beleaguered students and feeling less alone, but still overwhelmed.

She’s almost home when a giant of a man gets up from a seat close by and bumbles past her to wait by the door. He knocks into her backpack and shoves her with it, not caring about the mumbled “Excuse me! ” that escapes Clarke’s lips. 

It’s lost amongst the crowd that funnels onto the car and Clarke repositions herself, tucking into the corner on the other side, leaning against the unopened door, ignoring all warnings against such behavior like most of the T-riding crowd. 

She loses herself in her music once again and tries to decide which take-out place will deliver to her apartment quicker when her eyes land on the girl sitting in the seat next to her. 

Her wavy hair is pulled back into a bun at the base of her neck. A neck that draws Clarke’s attention immediately. Long and graceful, lean. Full of perfect lines, a perfect arch. Unburdened by a scarf even in the beginnings of the cold winter night. 

It’s a beautiful neck and Clarke can’t pull her eyes off of it. 

She barely notices the strong jaw that attaches to the neck. 

Or the round cheeks. 

Or the pouty lips. 

Barely. 

They all register on her radar. 

But that neck… 

Clarke’s fingers itch to touch. To draw.

She hasn’t had much time to draw this semester, even though it calms her nerves. 

It’s all she can think of now, in this moment. 

Not the paper she has to finish. 

Not the exam she has next week.

Not the food she was planning on eating.

She longs for charcoals and paper. 

Smudged hands and the feelings of freedom.

The train screeches as it begins to slow and the beautiful stranger stands, shoving the book she was reading into her bag and swinging it over her shoulder. 

She grabs the pole just below Clarke’s hand to rise from her seat while the train is still stopping. 

Their fingers brush together quickly and Clarke feels a spark. 

A real one, jolting her fingers.

Their eyes meet. 

Green.

So green. 

“Sorry.” It’s rushed.

“It’s fine.” Clarke isn’t sure how she gets words out. 

The train finally stops and there’s a pause before the door opens. 

The eye contact they’ve been holding is finally broken as the girl turns to exit the train. 

She’s nearly out the door when something catches Clarke’s attention out of the corner of her eye. A scarf, left behind on the seat she just vacated. Without stopping to think Clarke picks it up and bounds out the door after her. 

She spots the wavy hair a few steps ahead of her, searching the bag at her shoulder frantically. 

“Excuse me?” 

Green eyes look up again, surprise and question apparent in them. 

“I think this is yours?” Clarke holds out the scarf tentatively between them. She watches as the stranger’s face relaxes just the slightest bit. 

“Oh yes! Thank you!” A hand reaches out towards Clarke’s and grabs the scarf. There’s another spark, bigger than the one before. Clarke can see it ignite the evening air between them.

“Ouch.” It’s out of her lips before she can stop it. She pulls her hand back quickly. 

“I'm so sorry.” The girl reaches out her hand to soothe Clarke’s in a move that seems too familiar and yet welcome all at once. As soon as they touch again, there’s another spark but this time a laugh bursts through Clarke’s lips.

“You know if you keep shocking me I might regret running off the train and giving you back your scarf.” It’s teasingly light, and Clarke wonders if this girl can see the humor in her eyes and the smirk on her lips.

“Who says you’re not the one shocking me?” The slightest tilt of pouty lips.

Clarke’s heart skips a beat, her lips already moving to continue the game. The banter. “I guess we’ll never know.”

The girl places the scarf around her neck and Clarke can’t help but think about how it’s such a shame to cover such a beautiful neck. She must be staring, because the girl who hasn’t yet walked away from her breaks her from her thoughts. 

“It was a gift.”

“Hm?”

“The scarf. It was a gift.” 

Clarke breathes a sigh of relief at the mistake. She can handle being caught ogling a scarf. She doesn’t know if she could handle being caught ogling this stranger’s neck.

“It’s beautiful.” She tears her eyes away from the scarf. 

“Thank you. And thank you for grabbing it. I”m lucky you saw it before the train pulled away.”

“Me too.”

“I hope you don’t have to wait too long for the next one. It’s freezing out here.”

“Oh, I”ll just walk from here. It’s not too far.”

“Well then, I guess we’re both lucky.” She turns to start walking away but catches Clarke’s eyes again. “Have a good night.”

Her goodnight is accompanied with a small smile that warms Clarke from the inside out. 

As Clarke turns to walk towards her own apartment, she can’t help but wonder if it was the cold, dry air that caused the shock or if it was something more.


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke wonders how it is that someone can disappear so easily into the city. She wonders and then she chides herself. It’s a big city. Filled with millions of people. She doesn’t really ever see the same faces every day unless she’s at school. 

And still…

That one, that one keeps haunting her.

Every day Clarke takes the T after classes. She makes herself leave the library at about the same time every night, sometimes forcing herself to stay, sometimes forcing herself to pack up her work and go.

And every night she’s disappointed when her beautiful stranger isn’t on the T.

Which is also silly, because the T has more than one car. And Clarke doesn’t know when she got on or how long she had been riding it for.

She should be focusing on her last semester, but for five nights in a row she hasn’t been able to stop drawing. Slender lines and haunting eyes. She even had to stop at the art store to pick up new charcoals and larger sheets of paper. 

This girl’s beauty cannot be contained. It’s haunting her. And she can’t quite seem to get the curve of her neck just right. Or the angle of her jaw.

Clarke has never been as motivated as this. 

It’s five long days before Clarke sees the girl again. Her hair is loose around her shoulders in wavy curls, her scarf hanging out of the pocket of her coat. She’s sitting again, reading something with furrowed brows and a scowl.

Clarke thinks she looks beautiful even with the scowl.

She stands a few people away, holding loosely onto the pole and trying to stop her eyes from roving over to the seated girl every five seconds. Trying but losing the majority of the battle. The girl doesn’t notice though, still scowling at her lap.

Still engrossed in whatever the book contains, not at all distracted by the noise and bluster of the T. 

Clarke can’t help but notice the stops dwindling down to the one where the girl got off last time. Her time is running out. She wants to say something, or catch an eye but… something sticks in her throat. Her hands are uncharacteristically sweaty and her usually witty words are escaping her. 

She can’t think of anything except the fact that this girl is going to get up from her seat and leave the train again soon. 

She’s so busy trying to figure out just what to do after thinking about this girl non-stop for the better part of the past week that she doesn’t even notice her get up from her seat and step over to the pole. 

“Hello again.”

“Hey.” Clarke looks over to the girl’s vacated seat and finds a very pregnant woman sitting down, a visible sigh of relief escaping her lips. It makes Clarke’s heart skip a beat. 

The girl smiles. It’s a small smile. She watches as Clarke notices her good deed and shrugs. And, really, it’s not that big of a thing, but… it kind of is. The surly teen boy in the next seat didn’t even move a muscle.

“I see you still have your scarf this time.” Clarke nods at the girl’s pocket, her scarf hanging down at her side.

“Can’t keep leaving it on trains. Not all strangers are as nice as you.”

“No, I guess not.”

“Thanks again by the way. I would have been devastated if I lost this. I should probably be more careful with it.”

“Probably. Maybe try sticking it in your bag or something… seems silly to just leave it hanging around on the seat next to you.”

The girl chuckles and Clarke feels her stomach at her toes.

There’s an easy silence between them, and Clarke notices the train slow. Just one more stop before this girl will depart. She doesn’t want to break this weird spell that’s come over them, but… she just has to know.

“I’m Clarke, by the way.”

“Clarke.” The girl nods.”I’m Lexa.”

“Now I know what to call you next time I have to go running off the train after you, Lexa.”

Lexa laughs and Clarke beams.  
“Yes, and maybe now I’ll know what to yell when you shock me again.”

“I think the jury is still out on that one, Lexa. I mean… I was getting along just fine until you got up from your seat.”

“I suppose you were. Maybe you picked up extra static after that giant bumped into you.”

Clarke’s stomach flips inside of her…. Lexa had noticed that, noticed her, before she even laid eyes on her. 

“I forgot about that guy! Well now I’m just mad about that again.” She laughs and Lexa rolls her eyes. 

“Clarke, if you must be mad about that, then you’re probably angry a lot of the time on the T.”

“You know… I actually don’t really ride the T that often. Only when it’s really cold or the weather is really, really bad. I like to walk.”

“Everyone in Boston likes to walk. That’s what makes this city so great.”

Clarke has other ideas about what makes the city so great when the train lurches to a stop faster than usual. Momentum carries her towards Lexa and she gently nudges into her, shoulder to shoulder. 

There’s no spark this time.

Not a visible one. 

But Clarke feels it in her heart.

She looks up and meets Lexa’s eyes, teasing her behind a smile. “Guess you can’t deny not riding the T that much. You don’t really have a good pair of sea-legs on you, do you?”

“What? What is that supposed to mean?”

Lexa, still smiling, still teasing, turns to exit the car. “Maybe you’ll figure it out. Goodnight, Clarke.”


	3. Chapter 3

“What’s that stupid smile for, girl?”

“Nothing, Raven.” 

“That’s not nothing, Clarke. I know that smile… that smile means you’ve got a crush. Tell me all about it, I need to know!” Raven flops on the couch in the living room, hanging over the arm to watch Clarke slide her shoes off and unwrap her scarf. 

“It’s nothing I promise.” And Clarke tries to brush it off, but she can’t. 

She has to bite her cheek to hold in her smile. 

But, Raven still sees. Raven always sees. 

“Oh my god, it’s so not nothing. Look at you!” 

“Raven, _pleaseeee_. I’ve had such a long day… can we not do this.” 

“Ugh, Clarke, you are so not fun. Especially when you come home hangry.” Raven flips over on the couch and stares at the ceiling. 

“I mean, really? Really?!” 

Raven shoots her a smile from the couch and Clarke’s shoulders unwind.  “You should know that I made pasta for dinner. I saved you some, and I’m pretty sure it’s your favorite. It might make you love me even more.” 

“That one with the mushrooms and the chicken?” Clarke can barely contain the saliva pooling in her mouth. It’s been awhile since she ate. Actually, she can’t even remember the last thing she ate. 

“You know it, babe.” 

“I could kiss you right now.” 

“Please don’t. But _do_ help yourself.” 

Clarke intends to study after she eats. 

After two big bowls of Raven’s pasta. 

She intends to. 

But her books and her laptop stay hidden in her bag. Her outlines sitting unused on the desk. 

Clarke intends to study, but she ends up drawing again instead. 

Though it’s not Lexa this time. 

It feels too weird now that she knows her name, has had another conversation with her. 

This time Clarke just draws. Whatever comes to mind. Her hand moving on its own, bringing to lines and shadows to life. 

Drawing and drawing and drawing until there’s a knock on her door. 

A gentle tapping. 

Clarke glances at the clock and sees how late it is. Or rather, how early. 

“Fuck.” She mutters to herself. 

She opens the door a crack, hides her smudged hands, but Raven knows. 

Raven always knows. She once told Clarke that she gets this look in her eye when she’s drawing. Like something wild and uninhibited. 

“It’s late.” 

“I know.” 

“Are you stressing? Do you need some chamomile?” 

“No. I was just about to go to bed. Thanks, though.” 

“You know I always got your back. I’ve been with you this long, I know how these things go.” 

She waits until Raven’s door is closed before she walks to the bathroom to wash her hands, blackened with her fevered movements. It feels strange, having to scrub so hard. She hasn’t had this much time, this much energy, for her art. It’s taken a back seat to medical terms and lectures. 

But, it feels so good. 

So freeing. 

She should be studying. She should be stressed about studying. But she feels light. 

Airy. 

Clarke doesn’t fight it, she brushes her teeth and climbs under the covers turning off her light, and her alarm. 

Xx 

The next month passes quickly. Too quickly for Clarke who is starting to really realize that this is her last hurrah in school. After twenty years of school, pretty much her whole life, this is it. 

The countdown to graduation has begun. The formals. The parties. 

The final residency interviews and placements. 

It’s all… 

It’s all really happening. 

Clarke only sees Lexa two and a half times since she learned her name. She’s been living in the library and finalizing her residency and just trying to enjoy whatever time she has before she has no time. 

But, she did see Lexa twice. Almost three times. 

Both times her stomach swooped and her cheeks blushed. 

They didn’t speak. 

They didn’t do anything but smile at each other from across the crowded cars. 

Too many people in between them. 

Too much space. 

The other time, the almost-third-time, Lexa didn’t see her at all. Clarke’s eyes found her weaving among the crowd trying to get on the train just as it pulled away from the station. 

Watching Lexa’s face sink with tired frustration almost made Clarke want to reach up and press the emergency stop button. 

All three times, the urge to draw overcame Clarke as soon as she walked into her apartment. With Raven at school studying and not around to distract her, and the apartment cool and dark, Clarke would hide in her room with a cup of coffee and let the images flow. 

Her books always still in her bag, but her finals not entirely forgotten in the sweeping of her charcoals, muscles and bones appearing before her. Anatomy stretching out from her forearms onto the blank pages in her lap. 

And, really, she wonders if maybe she should sell these pieces. Or give them to her mother to frame and hang in her office, if she’s willing to face the questions that will inevitably come about why Clarke is drawing and not studying her brains out. 

Clarke thinks she can handle it this time. 

Xx 

She comes home late and tired one night after studying in the library to find Raven sobbing on the couch in the dark living room. 

“Rave?” 

Raven’s response comes in the form of a hiccup and another sob. 

“Shit.” Clarke sets her bag down and sits on the couch next to Raven, pulling her sobbing friend into a hug.  Raven’s tears fall harder and dampen her shirt quickly and all Clarke can do is squeeze her arms tighter.

Raven cries for a few long moments before she finally sniffles and pulls her face from the crook of Clarke’s neck, tissue already in hand. “He broke,” she hiccups again, “that bastard… he fucking broke up,” another hiccup, “with me.” 

“What?!” 

“Finn. He fucking dumped me. Right before finals… in a goddamn text message!” 

“Jesus.” It’s all Clarke can manage before Raven is crying again. This time angry tears as she jumps up from the couch to rant and rave. 

“I get out of class after turning in one of my papers and I have this text from him and I get all excited because we’ve both been so busy… and I look and it’s all ‘I don’t think I can be what you need anymore’ and this whole big long thing and what the actual fuck, Clarke?! 

“Wait he said that?” 

“He sure as shit did.” 

“Damn…. ” Clarke doesn’t know what else to say. Really, there’s nothing else to say. 

“Then he went on and on about how we’ve grown apart and he couldn’t even remember why we were dating in the first place, but how he’ll always love me and all this shit.” 

“Ok…” 

“But the best part… the best fucking part, Clarke. Really, the kicker… he didn’t even fucking tell me this in person.” 

“What do you mean?” Clarke can’t imagine that Finn wouldn’t sit down with Raven and talk to her, breakup with her in person. They’ve been dating for so long, Clarke can’t remember a time when they weren’t.

 “I mean that coward did all of this through text. You can read it all if you want.” She gestures to the phone sitting on the coffee table. 

“Raven… I mean… _fuck_.” 

“Yeah.” Raven’s voice cracks on the word and she spirals into tears again, still standing in the middle of the room. Clarke watches her completely crumple into herself and feels her own heart break. 

Finn and Raven were kind of it. 

And yet, maybe they weren’t. 

Clarke stands up and wraps Raven in another hug and let’s her cry. 

“He didn’t even let me talk.” 

“What do you mean, Rave?” 

“He just kept typing all these long paragraphs… sentences that didn’t even make sense. It was like he wasn’t even reading my responses. Like he had to say his piece and then he ignored everything I said after that. At one point he just stopped talking.” 

“And you tried calling him?” 

“Of course! I told him that I at least deserved the respect of talking things out, of a phone call. He just stopped…” 

“Oh my god, what a fucking prick.” 

“Seriously.” 

“I’m going to kill him if I see him.” 

Clarke doesn’t know what else to do or what else to say. She supposes there’s really nothing to say or do except support Raven. Clarke might be learning how to fix broken bodies, but she has no idea how to heal a broken heart. Not this kind, the kind caused by coldness, drifting apart. 

She’s had her heart broken, but not by anyone she considered a partner, not by anyone she willingly gave her heart to. 

The only other person she’s seen this devastated was her mother. 

And since that moment, Abby Griffin has never been the same. 

And, Clarke’s heart… 

Well, Clarke’s heart hasn’t mended either.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

It's the last day of classes.

It's come quicker than Clarke and any of her classmates ever wanted it to. And yet, it feels like it's taken an eternity to get here.

They go out and drink at the bars around school.

Clarke joins her friends at 11:03 in the morning, practically running out of the building, a weight off her shoulders for just a moment.

A moment before a new and even heavier one settles down.

There's so much laughter and effervescence among her friends. Such a sense of accomplishment. It feels as if they can do no wrong.

And really, completing med school… completing med school is a huge thing.

Clarke tires of the self congratulation and back patting after a while. It's a lot. And she's drunk.

Really drunk.

She stumbles onto the T after texting Raven that she's heading home. Raven tells her she wants to go to the bar down the street from their apartment. She knows it's not just to celebrate. Raven is still drowning her sorrows.

Clarke doesn't know if Raven's broken heart is going to heal any time soon.

Clarke also wants to punch Finn in the face. And the 'nads.

It's rush hour and the sidewalk is more crowded than usual. Clarke tries her best not to look like a drunk degenerate, but she knows she's swaying more than usual as she walks. She decides to walk through the park a little bit instead of change trains, trying to get as much fresh air as possible before she's stuck underground and praying she doesn't puke. The train is already stopped and waiting when Clarke carefully descends the stairs. It's relatively empty and Clarke thanks the universe as she steps up inside the cool car, choosing an empty seat.

After a minute, she loses track while people watching and doesn't notice the familiar stranger climb on.

It's not until Lexa is sitting next to her and speaking that Clarke breaks from her daydream.

"You're looking a little green today, Clarke." Her lips pull up into the little smirk they always do when Clarke is involved.

"Green?"

"Yeah. You know, green. Like you're not going to handle riding this train for very much longer."

Clarke lets out a louder than usual laugh. "Oh, ha. I was out celebrating all afternoon!"

"I can see that. What were you celebrating today while the rest of us were working?" That smile again, that sparkle in those eyes.

Clarke could get lost in those eyes.

Clarke has.

"I finished medical school today. It's kind of a big deal. _I'm_ kind of a big deal." Clarke leans into Lexa, as if she's sharing a secret with her.

Lexa gives Clarke a real, genuine smile, devoid of any teasing.

It makes Clarke's heart stutter stop.

And Clarke knows she's staring at Lexa's lips.

"That _is_ a big deal! Congratulations, Clarke."

"Thank you."

"I don't think you've celebrated enough if you can still see straight."

"Wait, there aren't two of you on this train? Don't you have a twin?"

"I'm twinless, alas."

Clarke laughs again, "Who says that? Who says ' _alas_ '?"

"I do. I say alas." Lexa laughs with Clarke. "If you're laughing that hard, maybe you aren't seeing straight at all."

"Nope. I never see straight."

Clarke says it heavier than she means to. It just slips out past her lips before she can stop it. But she doesn't care. She wants Lexa to know.

She wants Lexa to know a lot of things.

Clarke sees the way Lexa's eyes widen just the slightest bit.

How her cheeks pink just the tiniest bit.

How Lexa reacts in her non-reaction.

But how the next time Clarke speaks, Lexa looks down at her lips for just a beat too long.

"You live in the neighborhood, but even if you the city is small so you must have heard of The Ark."

"Everyone our age has heard of The Ark."

"How do you know how old I am?" Clarke fakes surprise.

"I'm good with math, and you did just tell me you finished med school. I can put two and two together pretty alright. Though I'm not sure I'm as smart as you." There's a hint of a challenge in Lexa's voice, just the slightest tilting of an eyebrow.

"Ok, smartypants. Well… if you must know, I'll be at The Ark later for continued celebrations to my success."

"Is that so?"

"Very so."

Clarke feels the train slow, sees Lexa glance up. She knows Lexa will be leaving.

"Noted."

Lexa stands and heads over to the door. Clarke tries her hardest not to watch her walk away. The other girl isn't very tall, but she has long legs. So long. Deliciously long. She looks up just in time to see Lexa notice her staring. She can't stop the blush that flames her face bright red, the liquor fueling fevered skin.

"Congratulations again, Clarke."

Xx

Raven rallies.

Raven rallies hard. She puts on a tight pair of jeans and a tight, low cut shirt, and heels.

Clarke doesn't understand it, but she doesn't question it.

She changes her shirt too, something low cut, something blue. The Ark is usually too dark for anyone to really see anything but…

But.

She pulls on a pair of knee high boots and plays with her hair as much as she can manage in her not so sober state. Raven pulls her down the hilly street and around the corner the few blocks to The Ark.

It's early still, but they don't care. Raven texts a few of her friends from school, and Clarke invites her friends to join them. She doesn't know how many of them are even still coherent, but she'll see who shows up.

The bouncer smiles at them and lets them through without trouble and without a cover. One of the bartenders recognizes them and waves them over, pouring two double shots of tequila and congratulating both girls for finishing classes.

Clarke lets Raven roll. And while it should be her night of celebration, she knows Raven needs this just as much as she does. After another round of tequila Raven grabs her hand and pulls her to the dance floor. There's not too many people in the club yet, but it'll be packed soon enough. And really, they've never cared about that anyway.

The girls both lose themselves in the music, in the drinks.

Clarke feels a tap on her shoulder and turns around to find one of her friends from school, and after hugs and squeals, she gets pulled into the dance circle.

She doesn't know how long they're out there. Or how many shots and drinks they've had since they've walked in. But pretty soon it's packed and Clarke needs a break and a sip of water. She yells to Raven that she's going to the bar and gestures back.

Clarke turns around and weaves her way around the dancing bodies and back towards the bar, where she catches the eye of her favorite bartender. She gets a large glass of water and a reprieve from the heat of the dance floor, checking her phone quickly for any messages from her friends.

Until her favorite song starts playing and she jumps from her seat, spinning around to find Raven in the crowd.

She spins around instead and finds a familiar face walking through the door.

A face that makes everything in the club stop moving.

Clarke wasn't sure if she'd even show up.

But she's here and she's wearing a ripped pair of tight black jeans, and a black tank top that shows off her shoulders and that neck and Clarke wonders if she died and went to heaven.

And just as the bridge hits, Lexa looks up and finds her.

And it's like the spark ignites again.

And even though they're not touching this time, Clarke feels it hit.

Lexa smiles and waves, but remains effortlessly cool as she slides through the crowd to Clarke. Clarke who stands there not moving. Glued to the floor.

And then Lexa is there in front of her. Her smile shy, but her eyebrow cocked with an unasked question.

"Hi."

"Hey."

And that's it, that's it until Clarke reaches over and grabs Lexa's hand pulling her towards the dance floor, no longer worried about finding Raven.

"Come on, it's my favorite song!"

And Lexa...

Lexa just laughs, and follows her.

And Clarke feels her heart in her throat when she reaches the edge of the dance floor. Turning around to check with Lexa, who gives the subtlest nod of consent.

And Clarke squeezes through the bodies, to a spot near the middle. Feeling Lexa's hand in hers the whole time.

Her body starts moving on it's own, finding the beat without thinking. She drops Lexa's hand and spins around, finding a look of amusement in Lexa's eyes, as she starts to match Clarke's movements.

And if Clarke thought she had a crush on Lexa before, she was sadly mistaken.

Because watching her start dancing, watching her start swaying her hips awakens something deep within Clarke.

They stay there, dancing feet apart from each other, but locked in the primal, hungry beat of the loud bass and the darkness. Lexa isn't anyone to Clarke, not yet. But she feels like someone, someone important.

Someone more important than a fleeting acquaintance on the train.

Xx

They dance, and they dance.

Until Lexa insists on buying Clarke a drink.

"You don't have to, I've had enough…"

"I know I don't have to, but you just finished school. This was the whole reason for going out tonight, remember?"

Clarke doesn't remember. Clarke doesn't care. This girl, this girl that's been running through her mind for months is here dancing with her. Close.

So close.

She can feel Lexa's eyes on her.

Lexa's heat.

Clarke doesn't have the chance to respond before Lexa pulls her off the floor and back to the bar. She leans over and orders from the bartender and Clarke takes the opportunity to ogle her ass again.

Really, it's a great ass.

Lexa sees her. Again.

Lexa sees her checking her out for the second time today and Clarke would blush, but she really doesn't care.

She wants Lexa to see her.

Lexa leans closer, "I ordered two of whatever you've been drinking tonight."

Clarke laughs, "I hope you like tequila, then." And she's so close to that neck, that elegant, long, neck.

The shots arrive in front of them, and they act in concert with each other, almost as if they're speaking some secret language in the silence. Lexa raises her glass in a toast, her eyebrow cocked again.

Clarke thinks it's her favorite look so far.

"To you."

Lexa's smile is genuine, and Clarke raises her glass to clink with Lexa's. "To me."

And they both wait a beat, before they throw their drinks back.

Clarke laughs at the way Lexa's face scrunches as the salty alcohol slides and burns down her throat.

She wants to kiss the pursed lips in front of her.

She stares.

She knows she's staring.

"Another round, ladies?"

Lexa turns her attention to the bartender and breaks Clarke's trance. "Sure. Do it up! We're celebrating."

Just as the bartender turns around, Raven bounds over to Clarke and throws her arms around her shoulders, kissing her cheek with a loud smack. "How's my girl?"

Clarke can see the look of surprise, then the flicker of jealousy flit through the green eyes across from her.

And then it's gone.

It's gone, but that one flicker set her heart racing.

"Lexa, this is my roommate Raven. Raven, this is my… this is Lexa."

Raven sticks out her hand to shake Lexa's but gives up halfway and pulls her into a strange, drunken, half hug.

And then there are more friends surrounding them, and more shots being poured.

And Lexa meets some of their rag tag group of friends, but she never pulls her attention fully away from Clarke.

It feels magnetic.

The pulse between them.

Until Raven declares it's time to go back to the dance floor and pulls Clarke behind her, yelling for Lexa to follow.

Clarke turns her head and finds Lexa watching her walk away, her turn to get caught leering.

Raven pulls everyone into a circle and begins gyrating and swaying in the way that only Raven can, something in the music always pulling her into shapes no one else can ever attain. She reaches over and grabs Lexa's hand and gets her moving. Lexa shoots a look at Clarke over Raven's shoulder, and Clarke shrugs. Raven has always been friendly and welcoming, especially when drunk. If she likes Lexa, it will only mean good things.

Pretty soon they're all dancing together, the space between them before now completely gone. Both due to the crowded floor, and the alcohol pulsing in their blood in time to the beat.

The club gets darker and the music gets louder and Clarke can tell they've moved past anything they'll be able to come back from. She leans closer to Raven and tells her she's going to the bathroom and sways off the floor, her hips still moving to the sound of the music.

She feels Lexa behind her.

She knew she would.

She leads them off the floor, not reaching back. Not knowing if she'd be able to bear holding her hand just yet.

Something, something is about to break between them.

Clarke reaches the end hallway leading to the back door of the club, where it's ever so slightly quieter. She turns to find Lexa moving out of the crowd behind her. A look on her face that will haunt Clarke's dreams.

It's not ever a look she's seen before. Not with anyone else. Not like this.

Lexa steps up to her before she can process it.

Into her space.

Like a magnet.

Staring, staring at her lips. Her eyes.

And then there's a hand on her jaw, and Clarke is leaning forward.

Leaning into lips.

Lips that are kissing her with a fever she never knew existed.

Clarke embraces the point of no return and places her hands on Lexa's hips, drawing her closer, closer.

It's better than Clarke ever thought it could be.

Those lips.

Those lips are kissing her in a way that makes her want to shatter.

Shatter only for Lexa.

Shatter in a way she never expected.

Their bodies brush together just as Lexa's tongue enters her mouth.

And Clarke doesn't feel anything else.

Not the thumping bass.

Not the floor shaking under her feet.

All she can feel, all she can experience is _Lexa._


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke wakes up in Raven's room, with Raven sprawled off the side of her bed. She isn't sure how she got home last night. She doesn't remember much of the end of the night.

Really, she doesn't remember much after Lexa kissed her.

Lexa.

Kissed her.

It was…

Clarke still can't believe it.

She rubs her eyes and sits up quietly, not wanting to wake Raven. It's early. So early. She swings her legs off the side of the bed and notices only now that she still has her boots on. They both crashed and crashed hard.

Clarke makes her way to the bathroom and hears groans coming from the living room. She peeks her head around to see two of Raven's friends on the couch, one rubbing at her temples with a grimace on her face.

"There's bottled water in the fridge. We stocked up."

"Ok… thanks, Clarke."

Clarke grabs a bottle of water and heads into the bathroom, stripping her sweaty, boozy clothes on to the floor, popping two aspirin with half the bottle of water and jumping into the shower. Something about showers after a night of drinking is always so reinvigorating to her. She takes her time and lets the hot steam work out the pain in her head, her body. Feels the water run over her back and shoulders, relaxing her.

Clarke can't fully relax though, because she can't stop thinking about Lexa.

Can't stop reliving the kiss they shared.

Can't stop feeling soft lips against hers.

Can't stop thinking about the way Lexa felt against her. Looked at her all night.

It's…

It's more than she's felt for someone in a long time.

And Clarke doesn't even know how they parted.

Doesn't even know if she managed to get Lexa's number. Or if she'll be forced into finding her on the train again.

Clarke would sit on the train back and forth all day if it meant just one more of those looks from Lexa.

Xx

She pulls her wet hair up into a towel and wraps her robe tightly around her before venturing back to her empty bedroom. She sees her phone on the nightstand, dead. She plugs it in and falls into bed, pulling the blankets up around her for more sleep. But before she drifts off she remembers.

She remembers the way Lexa's lips looked, even more plush with Clarke's kisses.

She remembers how she wanted more, how her eyes must have given her away.

How Lexa paused.

" _Lexa…"_

" _I don't want to do this drunk, Clarke."_

" _Ok."_

" _Ok?"_

" _Yeah, ok."_

" _Ok. Let's go back and dance some more."_

" _Ok."_

And then it was Lexa leading Clarke back to the floor.

Clarke sinks back into sleep with a smile on her face and butterflies in her heart.

Xx

She wakes up when Raven crawls into bed beside her with a sigh.

"I feel like death."

"Yeah."

"No really, like I got hit by a train."

"We went pretty hard last night, Rave." Clarke is still on the edge of sleep, wanting to slip back under.

"I know. Why did you let me drink all that tequila?!"

"You needed it."

"Oh, so I'm your charity case now, Clarke?"

"Shut up, Raven." Clarke flips onto her back and smacks Raven's arm.

"Ow! Stop abusing me! I'm already hurting from the hangover."

"Then stop complaining you numbnuts. You're always so dramatic."

"I know. It's my thing. I'm dramatic and then you roll your eyes and tell me to shut up. It's what we do, Clarke. It's what we've always done."

That gets a small smile out of Clarke and Raven pulls in a deep breath before letting the silence surround them again.

Clarke is almost asleep again before Raven speaks. "So… who was that girl?"

Clarke's heart skips a beat.

She knew it was coming. She knew Raven would ask as soon as they were alone.

"Uhh…" She can't help the blush from creeping into her cheeks.

"I knew it! I fucking knew it!"

"What? What did you know?"

"I knew you had a crush. You kept trying to deny it, but I knew it."

"Shut up, Rave!"

"I will not! Tell me! Tell me the things!"

"She's just a girl."

"She's not."

"She is. She's just a girl, she's pretty and she has a great neck. But she's just a girl."

"A great neck? Who even says that?"

"Me.. I say that."

Clarke stops talking again. Waiting to see if Raven will let it go or continue her questioning.

"She looked like more than that, Clarke. The way you two were looking at each other all night. _Oh my god_ , is this why you've been coming home so late? Have you been getting secretly laid and _not telling me?_ Am I too sad for that?" Raven doesn't even try to hide the excitement or jealousy in her voice.

"I'm not getting laid, I've been studying. You know, finals start in two days…"

"Blah blah, finals. All you do is study Clarke, and all you do is ace your finals. You're already graduating number one, we all know that."

"We don't. Fucking Wells has been sitting right behind me and he's only a few teeny tiny not even whole points behind me. If I fuck up, he'll pounce on it."

"He's been wanting to pounce on it for four years."

Clarke slaps Raven's shoulder again, "Ew. No… stop." Raven laughs loud and then grabs her head in pain. "See… there's your karma for being so gross."

"Clarke…"

"Rave…."

"Are you really not going to tell me about this mystery girl?"

"There's nothing to tell."

Clarke can't even try to hide the smile she knows is sprouted in her eyes.

"Bullshit."

Xx

Clarke doesn't hear from Lexa at all, and curses her drunken self for forgetting to give out her phone number.

Or get a phone number.

Really, she's so not used to this.

She starts finals and blazes through two in two days, more caffeine than person, and stumbles towards the T too braindead to even want to walk.

At least, that's what she tells herself.

It's right around evening time, when she knows Lexa usually gets on the train. The train is packed and she stands just inside the door, room enough for people to get on and off past her, but not willing to fight to go farther in. The universe must be in a giving mood, because Lexa rushes on the train just behind her. She brushes by Clarke, grabbing an elbow as she spins around to face her.

"Clarke."

"Lexa."

And the way Lexa looks at her, the way Lexa looks at her makes Clarke feel like she hasn't smiled in days.

"Hi."

"Hello. How are finals?"

"Finals are finals, hard and boring."

Lexa smiles again. Small. More with her eyes.

"How are you?"

"I'm good."

"Good."

"Clarke?"

"Yes?"

"I've wanted to call you every day." It's soft, like a guilty admission.

Clarke feels all the air rush out of her, feels her stomach flip and flip.

"Why haven't you?"

"You told me not to. You told me not to call you until the 11th."

Clarke laughs at that, loud and free. She watches Lexa's eyes relax, sees Lexa step closer to her.

"I can't believe it. I can't believe I was that drunk and gave you my number with the caveat not to call me until after finals."

They both laugh for a second.

"Thank you for respecting that request, Lexa. At least now I don't have to worry about if I even gave you my number or if I'd just have to keep taking the train." Clarke laughs at herself.

"Oh, you gave it to me. Willingly."

"I'm glad I did."

The train slows and they rush off to switch trains, the second one waiting and ready for them down below. They both step on and stand by the door, more people rush on and off past them, pushing Lexa into Clarke in the flurry.

Clarke feels that spark.

She can see it in Lexa's eyes, Lexa's face inches from hers, her hand on Clarke's waist for stability.

Once the train is in motion she pulls it back, steps back.

Clarke misses the heat.

"On the 11th though, all bets are off."

"Good. Were you super hungover like I was?"

"Not at all."

"No?"

Lexa shakes her head, "I only had the few at the bar with you."

"Ah… smart, smart of you."

The train slows again and this time it's Lexa's stop. Clarke knows she's going to follow her off again.

They're the first two off the train and they weave through the waiting crowd, starting on the path back to Lexa's apartment.

Lexa stops at the base of a street, and Clarke realizes what she's doing.

"This is me… up there."

"Nice. Good street…"

Lexa smiles, "I'm glad I ran into you, Clarke."

"Me too."

Lexa steps closer to her. Clarke sees that same look in her eyes, the one from the other night.

"Clarke… when your finals are over and I call you, I'm going to ask you to dinner." Another step closer.

"Are you?"

"I am."

"When you call me and ask me to dinner, I'll say yes."

And this time it's Clarke who steps forward, steps forward and brushes her nose against Lexa's.

Leans in and kisses her.

Softly.

Gently.

Barely anything.

But everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your continued support for this project and the comments/kudos. I've enjoyed writing these two very much. I'm in the process of bringing some of my other work to AO3, but if you're impatient, please check out my fanfiction page (orangeyouglad8) or my tumblr for some fun drabbles.


	6. Chapter 6

True to her word, Lexa doesn't call or text Clarke at all.

Finals end and Clarke has a few days off before graduation. It's a weird limbo to be in. Done with school, but not officially.

The regular crew all goes out to party again after the last final and Clarke joins them, but not for very long. Her mother is taking her out to dinner to celebrate and Clarke needs to be sober.

Raven gives her a big hug when she walks in the door of the apartment and congratulates her and Clarke feels it start to sink in. This is real now.

She gets ready for dinner with her mother, pulling on a cute dress and a cute pair of sandals Raven loans her and is just about to step out the door when her phone buzzes in her clutch. She reaches down and can't contain her smile when she sees a random number across the screen.

"Hello?"

"Congratulations, Clarke."

"Who's this…? Clarke can't help but feign surprise at the voice.

"Just some rando from the T."

"Hmm… seems very unlikely that I would give my number to a rando. Are you sure you're not the girl with the long brown hair and the really green eyes?"

"Let me check the mirror. Oh, wait, that is me!"

Clarke laughs into the phone, "Hi, Lexa."

"Hello."

"It's the 11th."

"It is. How were your finals?"

"They were… you know, I don't even care, they're fucking done."

This time Lexa laughs, it's melodious in her ear. "They are."

"I'm happy you called."

"Me too. So, Clarke… Can I take you out for dinner this week?"

"How about tomorrow?"

"Perfect."

"I hate to cut you off seeing as how we finally have time to talk to each other, but I'm going to be late for dinner with my mother…"

"Not a problem. We can talk tomorrow over dinner. You're not allergic to anything are you?"

It's a normal question, something one should know when planning a dinner, but it makes Clarke stop and swoon for a beat. "Nope."

"Ok, I'll see what I can do. Have a good night, Clarke."

"You too."

Clarke hangs up the phone and looks up to see Raven watching with interest from the living room. She just turns around and laughs with a giant smile as Clarke steps out the door to meet her mother.

Xx

Abby Griffin is already seated at the table when Clarke arrives just two minutes late to the restaurant. She rolls her eyes, because really, her mother could have waited. Clarke isn't usually late to these things.

The host shows her to the table and her mother rises from her chair with a radiant smile on her face, pulling her into a big hug and kissing the top of her head. It's not very often that Clarke sees her mother this happy and it makes her feel a sense of pride that she could be the one to do so.

"I'm so proud of you, baby."

"Thanks, mom."

"I should stop hugging you before I cry in the middle of this restaurant."

Clarke laughs and lets go of her mother, seeing the pool of tears trying to fight their way out of her eyes.

"Sit, sit. I haven't even opened the menu yet. Tell me, how are you feeling?"

Clarke sits and opens her napkin over her lap, "Weird, if I'm being honest."

"How were your exams?"

"Fine, they were fine. I only really had a spot of trouble on one, but I feel pretty confident with it."

"Good." Her mother pauses for a beat, "When will you know how you did."

Clarke hears the unasked question in her tone, "Probably not until the day before graduation, once everything is graded."

Abby nods.

"Don't worry mom, I already started a speech, ok."

"That's good, always be prepared."

"Yes, I know."

The waiter comes over to introduce himself at just the right moment. Abby orders a bottle of wine and Clarke glances at the menu.

They share a wonderful evening together, talking about school, Clarke's impeding residency, Raven, Raven and her breakup, what an asshole Finn was. They talk around the elephant in the room, until Abby signs her name on the bill and stands up from the table.

She places her arm around Clarke's shoulders and leads her out of the restaurant. She squeezes her arm and Clarke knows it's coming. Her mother kisses the side of her head and whispers, "Your father would have been so proud of you."

And Clarke, exhausted and full of wine and good food, can't help the tears that fall from her eyes.

Her mother brushes her thumb over Clarke's cheek to wipe a few away and smiles through her tears.

Clarke wants to hug her. Wants to feel that love, that safety. But she doesn't.

She knows if she does, she'll only dissolve into sobs. She can't do that in the middle of the street.

Xx

Raven is waiting up for her on the couch, remote in hand and a bowl of popcorn on her stomach.

"How was it."

"It was good. The food there is amazing."

"I've heard good things." Raven looks over at Clarke, "You ok?"

"Yeah…."

Raven sets the bowl of popcorn on the ground and slides over on the couch, "Come here."

Clarke lies down next to Raven, tears pooling in her eyes before she can stop them. Raven hugs her tight and Clarke can hear her start crying too.

They've been friends since they were ten years old. Raven knows the loss, the hurt, that Clarke feels.

The movie keeps playing in the background but neither one of them moves. They stay huddled in their cocoon on the couch, crying together.

Xx

A buzz on her nightstand wakes Clarke up with a jolt. She still has a headache from the previous night, from the wine and the crying.

Probably more from the crying.

She feels Raven's presence in her bed and she's so thankful. Thankful that she has a friend, pretty much a sister, like Raven.

She reaches over and grabs her phone, glaring at the time. It's late. Really late. Clarke hasn't slept this late in a very long time. But then she sees the awaiting text from Lexa, her number saved in Clarke's phone as soon as they hung up with each other last night.

And suddenly she's very much awake.

She slides open the message to see a time and place for tonight.

And she squeals a little bit and types out a quick response before dropping her phone to the bed and wiggling her feet a little bit.

"Some of us are trying to sleep, you know."

"Some of you have your own bed, you know."

"When are you gonna tell me about _lover-girl_?"

"She's not my lover."

"You want her to be." Raven moves her head so her mouth isn't muffled by the pillow anymore and looks at Clarke.

"I do." It's a quiet admission and Raven just smiles at her. "I think I really like her, Rave."

"I think you do, too. I've never seen you like this."

"I know. It's exciting and scary all at once."

"The good things always are. I'll have to meet her when I'm not super drunk again to give you my true analysis."

Clarke laughs. "I'm sure you will. If dinner tonight goes well."

Raven sits up and leans over Clarke on her elbow, "You've got a date tonight?"

Clarke nods excitedly, "I doooo."

"Fuck, we gotta get you looking hot. What time is it, when are you going?" Raven leaps out of Clarke's bed and into her closet and Clarke can't contain her smiles or her giggles anymore.

"It's currently 11:17 in the morning and I'm meeting Lexa at 7. I think we've got time…"

Xx

Clarke walks up to the small tapas restaurant with her heartbeat flooding her ears. She doesn't know why she's this nervous. She's already kind of been on a date with Lexa. They've already kissed.

They've already kissed more than once.

Lexa is just… _different_.

Really different.

Raven let her borrow her favorite little black dress for the occasion, even though Clarke thinks she'll be too dressed up. Raven's smile told her otherwise.

Clarke has never been to this restaurant before, but the reviews were all good. She almost wishes Lexa would have picked her up for their date, but at the same time, something about meeting here separately seems oddly romantic. She almost wanted to text Lexa that she'd be the one with the daisy or something ridiculous and old-fashioned like that.

Instead she approaches the restaurant with butterflies in her belly, seeing a familiar head of hair standing and fidgeting outside of the destination. It's oddly calming, seeing Lexa just as nervous. She takes a deep breath just as Lexa hears her heels on the sidewalk and turns around, smile on her face.

"Clarke."

"Hi."

Lexa's attention drifts downwards, taking in Clarke's outfit. Pausing ever so slightly on the cleavage Clarke has on display. Her cheeks pink just the slightest, and Clarke feels her chest tighten. When Lexa's eyes find hers again, Clarke can see the admiration alive in them.

"You look wonderful, Clarke."

"You do, too." Lexa is also wearing a dress, but one that's dark green, bringing her eyes to life.

Lexa takes a step forward and Clarke stops breathing. She wants nothing more than to kiss Lexa right now, the thoughts of their last kiss still alive on Clarke's lips. But, Lexa steps to her side and places her hand on the small of Clarke's back and ushers her into the restaurant.

Clarke feels warm all over from the contact.

The restaurant is dark and dramatic, all sunken booths and candles. It's unbelievably romantic in a way that's not over the top or cheesy. Clarke loves it immediately. Lexa orders them sangria as soon as they sit down in their booth. The seating is arranged in a way that each booth feels like it's own private restaurant. Tucked away from everyone else in the restaurant.

The way Lexa is looking at her right now makes Clarke want to leave here immediately without trying one bite of food.

"So… you know what I do for a living, or rather, what I will be doing for a living, but, Lexa, what is it that you spend your days working on?"

"I'm a lawyer." She smirks.

"Ah. Makes sense."

"Why?"

Clarke shoots Lexa a grin, "Because every time I see you on the train you're reading something or serious and intense and you just look very lawyerly."

Lexa laughs out loud at that, her long fingers wrapping around her wine glass before she takes another sip. "That's a new one."

"I'm very original, you'll come to see that."

Lexa's eyes twinkle, "I hope so."

"Ok, so next question is, what kind of law do you practice?"

"Right now I work for a small boutique firm downtown, I've been there for about a year cutting my teeth, but I'm trying to move to something bigger."

"Well, I hope you're able to find something bigger and better, then." Clarke raises her glass in Lexa's direction before taking a sip of her sangria.

"And you? When do you start your residency?"

"I start in July, but…. I'm kind of over talking about medicine. Can we table work talk?" Clarke scrunches her nose, not wanting to be pushy, but not wanting to talk about school or work or her impending residency anymore. She's talked out."

Lexa nods, "I completely understand. So, how long have you lived in the city?"

"Practically my whole life. I grew up here, left for college, came back for med school. You?"

"Came for law school. I'm from Pennsylvania originally. Did my undergrad at Cornell, then went to Harvard."

"Oh wow, I guess you weren't lying that day on the T when you said you were pretty smart." The teasing in Clarke's voice getting thicker the more they talk.

"I'm surprised you remember that."

"I remember everything about that night. Except how I got home, that part… that part is a little bit of a blur if I'm being honest."

Lexa laughs again, "Yeah things got a little messy."

"Care to enlighten me?"

Lexa's face spreads in a sly smile, her eyes darken, "Maybe… in the future."

"Hey!"

The waiter comes over with their first round of dishes just as they start laughing together and Clarke can't imagine a first date going more smoothly.

Xx

They sit and talk in the restaurant for hours. Clarke has no intention of ending this date, enthralled and enraptured with everything Lexa.

She could listen to Lexa's stories forever. Listen to Lexa talk about her life, her dreams, her passion.

Lexa is…

Lexa is so much deeper and smarter than Clarke ever would have known by just looking at her on the train.

She's a magnet and Clarke is drawn to her in every possible way..

They stay so late talking that the wait staff has to kick them out. Lexa blushes when she looks down to see the time on her phone and order a car. Clarke feels warm inside, not even realizing how quickly the night had passed.

Lexa reaches a hand out for Clarke to help her up from the booth and Clarke feels a spark again between them. Lexa's hand is soft and smooth, fitting into hers perfectly. She doesn't let go as they walk out of the restaurant.

Even for a city that is so alive during the day, night fall over Boston brings a hush to the city. Lexa rubs her thumb over the back of Clarke's hand pulling her attention. When Clarke turns her head she finds Lexa there, waiting for her. Her face quiet, but her eyes alive. And Clarke doesn't want this night to end, she wants to take Lexa home with her, kiss her until the morning comes. But, there's a magic here between them that feels all too perfect. Clarke wants to preserve it, cherish it.

Lexa must feel it, too, because she leans in close to Clarke to say "This was a great first date."

And she's so close.

Clarke can feel Lexa's warm breath on her cheek.

She turns closer, "It was."

And then she leans in and brushes her lips over Lexa's. Just ever so slightly.

Lexa's pouty lips always running through her mind.

When she pulls away those green eyes are locked on hers, before dipping down to her lips again. Lexa's hand grabs Clarke's face and pulls her back in for another kiss. Gentle, soothing, but magical.

And everything else is lost.

Xx

When the driver asks for directions, Lexa raises her eyebrows at Clarke in a silent question. Clarke's butterflies explode in her belly. Perhaps they can keep the magic going longer and still kiss until morning.

Lexa holds her hand the entire short ride back to the apartment. But when they slow to a stop in front of Clarke's building, She smiles and rubs her thumb over the back of Clarke's hand almost in apology and Clarke knows.

And it's ok, because this…

This perfect night can stay that.

Lexa gets out of the car and holds the door open for Clarke before dipping back in to tell the driver to wait. She walks Clarke up steps to the front door and looks oddly bashful.

Clarke smiles at the sudden shyness of her date, "Thank you for dinner, Lexa."

At the sound of her name, Lexa looks up. "May I see you again, Clarke?"

"You may." Clarke's face almost splits with her smile.

"Tomorrow?"

Clarke nods her agreement and bites her lip. She doesn't know if she'll be able to even wait until tomorrow.

Lexa brushes her lips over Clarke's again, so gently, so reverently, and Clarke can't breathe. And then she's walking away, down the steps, pausing by the door to the car waiting for Clarke to unlock her front door.

And as soon as she does, Lexa slides into the seat and reaches out for the door, "Goodnight, Clarke."

"Goodnight, Lexa."

And then she's gone and Clarke is climbing the stairs to her apartment with only her smile to accompany her.


	7. Chapter 7

Clarke isn't surprised to find Raven passed out and snoring lightly on the couch, clearly trying to wait up for her. She smirks and pulls the blanket off the floor and lightly covering Raven, who doesn't even flinch.

Clarke can't keep the smile off her face.

She feels abuzz with promise, possibility.

With Lexa.

Clarke gets ready for bed, still smiling, and slides under the covers with her phone in her hand. There's a text from Lexa waiting.

Clarke smiles so hard she wonders how much her cheeks will hurt tomorrow.

_Brunch tomorrow?_

_Brunch, huh?_

The typing bubble pops up immediately and Clarke feels the smile on her face spread everywhere, _Breakfast is too early, lunch is too late._

Clarke laughs as she types out her reply. _I know the perfect spot, meet me at the end of my street at 11?_

_I'll be there._

Clarke blushes, _Goodnight, Lexa._

_Goodnight again, Clarke_.

Xx

Clarke barely sleeps. She wakes up early and lies in bed with her iPad out, but her mind elsewhere. She hears Raven stir in the living room and waits for the knock to come on her door.

It doesn't, Raven just barges in.

"Oh good, you're not naked."

"Rave…"

"Please, Clarke. I'm sure you would have woken me up with your extracurriculars if you weren't alone."

Clarke blushes and Raven flops on her bed. "So…"

"So, what?"

Raven levels a look at Clarke and Clarke just giggles. "It was good, really good."

"Damn, girl, look at that smile!"

Clarke can't help but lose herself in the giddiness, if only for a moment.

"Ok, so when are you seeing lover girl again?"

"Today in, um," Clarke looks at her phone, "about three hours."

"Nice. Gotta lock that shit down."

Clarke rolls her eyes and Raven laughs.

Xx

Lexa is waiting for her at the end of the street, all long legs and shorts in the warm weather. She smiles as Clarke approaches.

It's more with her eyes.

Clarke is already smitten over that smile.

"You're early."

"No, I'm perfectly on time. I just walked up." She smiles and Clarke leans in to kiss her cheek and grab her hand.

"Hi."

"Hello."

"Hungry?"

"It is time for brunch, no?"

"According to you it is… this way." Clarke gently tugs on the hand in hers and turns Lexa around leading her away from the apartments.

They pick up conversation from the previous night as if no time has passed. And really, it hasn't. It's like a continuation of their first date. Clarke guides them through the city streets with ease, fielding questions for Lexa and answering the ones presented to her. It's the best Clarke has felt in a very long time.

Xx

They spend the day walking around and flitting in and out of shops and stores, and it's as easy as breathing.

Lexa suggests one of her favorite places when it gets close to dinner and Clarke is shocked to realize how late it is. It feels like no time has passed at all since she met Lexa at the end of her street. And yet.

And yet, she's relished learning everything there is to learn so far about this wonderful being next to her.

Lexa is….

Lexa is amazing. Their conversation hasn't died down at all.

They walk back to their neighborhood after dinner quietly commenting on the people around them. It's nice in a way Clarke never envisioned for herself. The sun begins to set and Clarke feels filled with promise and energy.

When the reach the end of Lexa's street she smiles, "I'm not ready for today to be over yet."

And instead of replying with a sarcastic remark or quip, Clarke earnestly says "Me either."

"There's this tiny little wine bar on the other end…. want to get another drink?"

"Yeah."

Lexa takes Clarke's hand in hers and leads the way and Clarke feels like her whole body is glowing.

They step inside the quiet bar and the bartender greets Lexa like an old friend. Lexa tells Clarke with a shy look on her face that she comes here often. They sit at a small table in the back and a bottle of wine is placed on the table for them before they even have time to look at the wine list.

"What?" Lexa looks up in surprise.

"On the house tonight." The bartender turns away with a wink and Lexa blushes deeply.

"I hope you like red…"

Clarke just smiles and feels her stomach flip, "This looks great."

Lexa pours the wine into two glasses and holds hers out for Clarke to clink.

"So… is this your place?"

"Uh," Lexa looks bashful again, "Yeah. I like it here. I come here a lot after work, it's quiet and I can decompress."

"It seems like a pretty awesome place."

"Yeah. I like to keep it secret... I've never really brought anyone here before."

Clarke's turn to blush, "Really?"

Lexa bites her lip and looks down at the table before she meets Clarke's questioning gaze, "Really."

"Thank you for bringing me here." Clarke makes sure Lexa looks at her, sees her.

"I don't… I haven't dated much. I'm not, I'm always busy and I work too much and I never really…"

"It's ok. I get it. I don't really date much either, medical school kind of takes the wind out of those sails. We can just keep doing this and see where it leads, I'm ok with that."

"Ok."

"So, tell me about how you found this place."

Lexa seems to relax with the change in topic and smiles before sitting back in her seat. Her eyes are dancing in the candlelight and the dark room and Clarke can't help meeting her smile as Lexa begins her story.

Xx

Once again they stay too late and Clarke only realizes what time it is when a small yawn escapes the girl across from her.

"Wow, it's late… shit, you have work tomorrow don't you?"

Lexa nods, "I do."

"We should go, you need sleep."

"Some things are worth being tired for."

And Clarke melts.

Actually feels her entire body warm, blush.

Wonders where this girl has come from and where she's been hiding.

"Lexa… I don't know what to say to that."

"You don't have to say anything." Lexa finishes the last sip of her wine and leaves a twenty dollar bill on the table. "Come on, let's head out."

Once Clarke stands and they both wave to the bartender, Lexa places her hand on the small of Clarke's back and leads her out of the bar. The streets around them quiet in the way they always are on Sunday nights. The melancholy of the impending work week heavy around them.

Lexa stops halfway up the street and gestures her head towards the brick brownstone to their left. "This is me." She pulls Clarke towards her with their conjoined hands. "I had a wonderful time today, Clarke."

"Me too. Actually, it was a pretty awesome weekend."

"It was, wasn't it?"

They both smile at each other and Clarke watches Lexa's eyes darken, flit back and forth to her lips.

Before she has time to make her move, Clarke leans in and connects their lips like she's wanted to do all evening. Lexa sinks into her, placing her free hand on Clarke's waist and pulling her closer.

She sighs and opens her mouth and Clarke doesn't hesitate to deepen the kiss, squeezing Lexa's hand in hers, brushing the cheek underneath the hand on Lexa's beautiful face.

Clarke and Lexa have kissed before.

They've kissed before a few times.

But kissing Lexa…

Kissing Lexa is so much better than any of Clarke's other kisses.

It makes Clarke burn.

And they stand on the sidewalk and kiss.

It's full and real and Clarke doesn't know how long it lasts but she knows she doesn't want to stop.

She wants Lexa to pull her inside.

To kiss her all night.

But that doesn't happen.

Lexa changes their kiss, softens it again. Begins pulling away from Clarke. Signals that this is it, this is enough.

For now.

Clarke can't let her go yet, though.

Keeps placing pecks against Lexa's willing mouth.

"Clarke."

Clarke kisses her again before she answers, "Lexa."

"It's late, Clarke."

"I know."

Lexa kisses her this time, grips her hand and her waist.

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

Clarke feels Lexa's smile against her own, "You may."

"Dinner? After you get out of work?"

"That sounds lovely."

Clarke takes in a deep breath through her nose and steps back. She can see the glint of happiness reflect off Lexa's eyes, the shade of green so clear.

"I should go, and you should sleep."

"I should."

"So... tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow. I should be free around seven."

"I'll meet you back here at seven, then."

Lexa steps back and starts climbing the stairs to her brownstone, waving to Clarke once she's unlocked her door. "Let me know when you're back."

"I will." Clarke steps backwards, watching Lexa as long as she can. "Night."

"Goodnight."


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being so patient with me and with this story. More words are coming, I promise, but I had a bit of a life to catch up on. I hope you're all still liking the story. Thank you for the comments/kudos!

On Thursday when the phone rings with familiar first three digits of all the numbers at her school, Clarke hears only blood rushing through her ears.

Valedictorian. Officially.

She stands still for what seems like an eternity, before jumping up and down and running around the apartment before calling her mother, yelling at Raven.

She quietly tells Lexa over dinner that night, wanting to tell her in person… wanting to see the way Lexa looks at her. She can't deny that she's never been this smitten over anyone before. She can't help it and she can't hide it.

Lexa invites her up to her apartment that evening for another drink after the wine bar kicks them out.

"But it's late."

"I know what time it is, Clarke."

"Lexa…"

"I don't have to be at work until eleven tomorrow. Please come up?"

Clarke accepts Lexa's invitation by grabbing her hand and climbing the steps to Lexa's door, waiting for the other girl to pull the keys out of her bag. Lexa leads the way up to her apartment, opening the front door and flipping on the light before ushering Clarke inside. "This is home."

Clarke takes one look around the apartment and feels Lexa's imprint everywhere. Even though they haven't been seeing each other for very long, the whole space is Lexa. She smiles, taking note of the bay windows in the living room, the window seat, the comfy couch, the pile of books spilling off the bookshelf.

"I love it."

"Thanks."

Lexa slips off her shoes and moves towards the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of wine and two glasses. "Would you like to sit?" She nods towards the couch and Clarke bites her lip and sinks into the cushions. Lexa opens the bottle of wine and pours two glasses, handing one to Clarke and saluting her before taking a sip.

Clarke lets the bitter liquid move over her tongue, surprised by the depth, the warmth.

"When is your graduation ceremony?"

"Saturday morning... It's going to be a long day."

Lexa laughs lightly, "My graduation from law school was so long, but it was so fun. Even though my gown didn't fit and the zipper was broken, so it practically choked me the whole day."

"That doesn't sound fun, Lexa." Clarke can't help but smile.

"Well, that part wasn't, no. But, just the culmination of everything we'd worked so hard for over those three years… cheering for my friends, seeing the smiles of the parents who supported them. It was great. Plus I got to sit next to a friend so we talked the whole time."

"You? You talked through the whole ceremony? Miss proper?" Clarke can't keep the sarcasm out of her voice.

"I've been known to bend the rules from time to time." The sly look on Lexa's face sends heat flooding everywhere.

They both sip their wine in silence for a moment, Clarke studying the bottle and reading the label.

"Speaking of bending the rules, can I breach your no work talk rule for a moment?"

"Since you asked so nicely, yes."

"Why Tufts? Why not Harvard or Yale or Stanford even?"

Clarke doesn't bristle at the question like she normally would, not when it's Lexa asking. And asking with such genuine curiosity, not even a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"It's pretty simple. My mom teaches at Harvard…. I didn't want to have to fight the rumor mill, deal with the allegations of favoritism, nepotism. Even though there's no way in hell she'd ever, ever cut me a break. And…" Clarke clears her throat, "And I wanted to come back to Boston. Plus, I liked Tufts."

Lexa simply nods.

"Although if I'd gone there, I might have met this cute law student around campus." Clarke leans in and nudges Lexa's shoulder, drawing a smile.

"Maybe, maybe not. Cute law students sometimes have their heads buried in their books."

"You do seem pretty fond of books."

Lexa turns and looks at her bookshelf, blushing just the slightest. "I do."

They continue to talk and finish their glasses of wine, Lexa asking if Clarke would like more but she simply shakes her head.

"I should go…"

"Clarke."

"Lexa, if I stay…"

Lexa hears the unspoken promise in Clarke's voice and nods her head. "Not yet."

"Not yet." Clarke whispers. She leans in and finds Lexa's lips, kissing her softly, softly until Lexa responds and brushes her tongue along Clarke's and takes over.

It's a kiss that speaks a thousand things all at once and Clarke doesn't want it to end, but it does. She stands and Lexa walks her to the door, kissing her cheek and wishing her a goodnight.

Clarke smiles the whole way home.

Xx

Clarke graduates Valedictorian two days later, beaming with pride as she crosses the stage to receive her diploma, hearing Raven's whistles echo throughout the auditorium. She can't help but notice the shadows in her mother's eyes when they meet up outside of the auditorium in the early summer sun. The whispered _I'm proud of you_ in her ear almost cracking through Clarke's joy.

Her mother takes the two of them out to dinner practically glowing with pride, happiness. She hands Clarke an envelope over dessert. Clarke can feel Raven's eyes on the side of her face as she accepts the envelope.

"Mom…"

Abby shakes her head gently, "Just open it, baby."

Clarke opens the envelope to find an itinerary for two, "Mom…?"

"You deserve a vacation, Clarke. You both deserve a vacation."

"Three weeks in _Tahiti!?_ " Raven squeals beside her. Clarke joining in her excitement for the most part, excited to get away from work and studying and medicine, if only for a moment.

But, some part of her can't help but think of the green eyes she won't be seeing for almost a month.

Xx

They spend those luscious three weeks soaking up the sun and the alcohol and not worrying about a thing. Clarke things about Lexa more than she should, and texts her at random intervals from the hotel. Raven teases her but Clarke can't find it in herself to care.

Xx

Clarke's butterflies take up residence as soon as they board the plane in Chicago to fly back to Boston. She shoots down Raven's teasing look with a glare, aware that she's a ball of energy but completely ok with they land she sends her suitcase home with Raven and takes a cab straight to Lexa's apartment, needing to see her.

And the thought scares her a little bit, the need to see Lexa.

The way her body reacts as soon as she gets closer to the familiar neighborhood.

It's a visceral reaction.

One she's never felt before.

Her whole body feels like it's on fire, and her hands are sweaty.

What if the spark that ignited between them had time to cool off?

Clarke isn't sure she'd be able to handle that, to be able to deal with the disappointment.

She steps out of the cab and throws cash at the driver, before slowly climbing up the stairs and taking a deep breath as she presses the buzzer for Lexa's apartment.

The familiar voice that crackles out of the box both soothes and excites Clarke. She can't hold back the smile on her face as she says "It's me." The door buzzes before she's even finished speaking, and Clarke bounds up the stairs, seeing Lexa's face peering over the banister with a huge smile and those sparkling eyes.

Clarke makes it up the stairs and steps closer to Lexa, but both of them stand still… take stock of each other. Lexa's small smile cuts through Clarke and she almost can't stand it. She just wants to kiss this girl here in front of her.

"You're back."

"I'm back."

Clarke takes another step, watching Lexa's eyes light up even more. A weird cat and mouse game.

"You're tan."

"I'm tan."

Another step, this time her eyes rove over Clarke again. It sends a shiver down her spine.

"Clarke…"

And Clarke can't help it, can't wait any longer. She steps forward and grabs Lexa's face in both hands, kissing her deeply.

Kissing her with everything she's been thinking about for the past three weeks.

Lexa meets her with a ravenous mouth, small groans of pleasure, heavy breaths, tight hands on her waist, her back.

Clarke doesn't even think about anything else but kissing this girl.

And everything between them, so palpable in the air before, feels like it catches on fire again.

But, it feels different and changed.

Better.

Lexa pulls her inside, walking them backwards without breaking their lips apart and slams the door, wrapping herself more fully around Clarke.

Sinking into her.

Clarke wonders for a brief moment if this might be heaven.

Lexa doesn't stop, doesn't pull away, meets every hungry twist of lips, of tongue with enthusiasm. Clarke feels the words Lexa spills into her.

She pushes back and guides Lexa towards the couch, needing more

As they near the couch, Lexa takes over. Kissing with more heat, more passion, hands everywhere. She pushes Clarke down, back, until she's lying against the arm of the couch with Lexa draped over her. The weight of Lexa over her, on her, does something to Clarke. Lights a fire that cannot be unlit. Sends a fever through her body, until Clarke is clawing at Lexa's shirt, wanting it off.

Lexa smiles into her next kiss and slides her hand up Clarke's shirt, over her waist. Clarke can feel the heat, the spark that is always present when Lexa is around. Lips brush down her chin, to her neck.

It's fevered and frantic and lusty in all the best ways.

Clarke wants it. Clarke wants _her_.

Fighting back against Lexa's mouth, Clarke pushes her up until they are both sitting in the middle of the couch. She begins pulling Lexa's shirt off, sliding it up her torso, hearing the heavy breathing from Lexa's perfect lips when they break apart. Lexa's hands leave her body to pull her shirt off and toss it to the floor and Clarke drinks in the sight before her. The toned stomach, the lacy bra, the tattoo that runs up Lexa's side.

She can't help but reach out and touch it, the black evergreen tree that grows from her hip all the way up to the side of her breast. She feels Lexa's heavy gaze on her, sees the goosebumps that pop up on the beautiful skin before her as she lightly brushes her fingers up and down the inky branches. Clarke never would have thought Lexa would have a tattoo, especially not one this big. It's surprising in the best way.

Everything about Lexa is surprising in the best way.

Lexa lets her look, lets her touch for only a moment before she runs her fingers through Clarke's hair and takes a hold of her jaw, bringing their mouths together again once more.

And it's even more charged than before.

Lexa guides Clarke towards her, leaning back herself this time allowing Clarke to slide on top of her, settle between her hips.

Tingles erupt all over Clarke's body. She hears the blood rushing through her ears mixed with the quiet, breathy sounds Lexa makes against her lips.

It's all too much.

It's a heady rush of everything all at once and Clarke feels overwhelmed and yet wants more.

She breaks away from Lexa's lips and rips off her own shirt, tossing it behind her. Feeling Lexa's eyes rove over her, seeing the hunger that sparks in them.

"Clarke…"

Clarke doesn't let her answer, dipping her head back down to resume their heated exchange. She kisses her way down Lexa's long, beautiful neck. She kisses Lexa's collarbone. She kisses in Lexa's cleavage, admiring the bra she finds. She kisses Lexa's stomach, feeling the shivers and shakes of pleasure in the skin of the girl beneath her. She kisses around Lexa's belly button, moving a hand to the waistline of her jeans.

Hearing Lexa's gasp.

She looks up, meeting cloudy green eyes and she pauses. Lexa's jaw clenches and Clarke can see the battle she's waging in her head.

She sits up and moves over Lexa again, softer this time. Not hurried and rushed. She brushes her lips across Lexa's cheekbone and settles on top of her, letting the energy between them settle. Understanding Lexa's unspoken request.

Lexa turns her head ever so slightly and places a soft kiss against Clarke's lips, "Will you stay the night?"

Clarke feels her butterflies take up flight, she leans her forehead against Lexa's and responds quietly, "Yeah."

Lexa's arms wrap around her and keep her where she is, comfortably settled on top of Lexa, tucked into her neck. The steady breathing below her lulling her to sleep.

Xx

Sometime in the middle of the night Lexa pulls Clarke to her bedroom, under her sheets. Clarke feels Lexa pull her close, feels warm breath on her neck and wonders if it's a dream.

She wakes up to the slow, low, beeping of Lexa's alarm. Feels movement behind her as the alarm stops beeping. Lexa's warmth doesn't come back to wrap her up so Clarke moves to her back, turning her head to find Lexa smiling at the ceiling.

"Mornin'"

"Good morning, Clarke."

"It's a little early to be smiling like that, isn't it? What's got you so happy?"

Lexa's smile widens, Clarke feels the urge to draw her like this, happy… glowing with the morning sun. "This."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for waiting it out with me, guys! I promise this one was worth the wait. Thank you for leaving comments and kudos and reading this fun little story.

Clarke spends as much of her free time with Lexa as she possibly can before she starts her internship. She knows she won't have much of it after that day, and even when she does she'll be exhausted.

She soaks in the way Lexa looks at her, all soft around the edges and with a hint of amusement in her eyes. Like she'll never get sick of anything that comes out of Clarke's mouth.

Clarke adores it.

She can tell Lexa is all about going slow, but she aches to put a name to this… whatever this is. She knows they're dating but she wants more. She wants as much as Lexa will give her.

Lexa takes her to an indie movie at an arthouse theatre and buys her a box of junior mints with a sly smile on her face. Clarke doesn't remember telling her it was her favorite movie snack.

And a warmth spreads inside her.

And Clarke almost blurts it out right then and there. Almost asks the question she's been wanting to ask for weeks now, since she was soaking up the sun on an island with her best friend.

Soaking up the sun and ignoring all the bad, blatant attempts Raven made to get details out of Clarke.

Instead she leans in and brushes her lips gently over Lexa's and pulls her to their theatre giddy with a raw excitement she's felt ever since that first day on the T.

She manages not to blurt it out over dinner which turns out to be a bigger struggle than she ever could have imagined because Lexa keeps looking at her with dreamy eyes and a heavy gaze and Clarke feels it everywhere.

She comes alive under that look.

And when Lexa pulls Clarke into her lips just outside the cafe and kisses her like it's her last wish, Clarke understands the look.

They barely make it back to Lexa's apartment.

They both trip up the stairs, Lexa turning around and kissing Clarke every chance she can get.

Clarke trying to strip off Lexa's jacket.

Heavy breaths shared between their open, ravenous mouths.

Lexa struggles to unlock her door and Clarke nips her neck in protest. When she finally hears that lock click open, she pushes Lexa inside and slams the door behind her, practically shoving Lexa towards her bedroom, lips biting and frenzied.

But then as soon as Lexa's back hits the mattress below her, everything changes.

Clarke doesn't want to rush anymore.

They're here.

Finally.

She takes in Lexa's flushed face, her dark eyes, her pink lips already extra plush from kissing and she smiles.

"Hi."

Lexa reaches up and touches Clarke's neck, cupping her to bring her back down into a kiss. "Hi."

Clarke feels it on her lips.

Lexa kisses her slowly, methodically.

Lexa kisses her like she's never been kissed before.

Clarke almost can't stand it.

Lexa's kiss pools in her stomach and spreads out like a flame.

Hands reach down to slide her shirt off and Clarke sits up a little, tossing the shirt over her shoulder. Lexa's gaze is heavy and wanting as it roves over her body.

Clarke pulls the other girl up to slide the sundress off tan shoulders, taking the bra straps with her and kissing the new skin she finds.

Lexa shudders beneath her, a gasp in her ear, fingers gripping Clarke's shoulders. Pulling her back down, skin against burning skin.

Clarke can't help but smile as her lips find Lexa's again. A sense of calmness washing over her. Feeling whole.

She guides Lexa further up the bed and unbuttons her own shorts, watching Lexa's pupils grow even wider, slender fingers slowly removing them before unhooking her bra.

And then Clarke is on her back, the soft blankets beneath her and a sultry smile above her. Lexa's hair dances down around her face, her neck as she props herself up, brushing her free hand over smooth skin.

Clarke watches her, feeling butterflies awaken again in her belly, fluttering everywhere.

When Lexa kisses her again it's soft and gentle. Searching.

Clarke answers, feeling the layers of Lexa's kiss.

When Lexa lowers her body against Clarke's again, she can't help the moan that slips out. Lexa's lips move across her neck, nibble at her collarbone, slide between her breasts.

Clarke wants this moment to last forever. Clarke wants to feel everything all at once.

And yet, she lets Lexa do as she pleases. Too content to flip her over and have her way.

Lexa's lips move slowly, maddeningly, down Clarke's torso, removing the last cloth barrier they find and dragging up and down long legs. Lexa's tongue dances up Clarke's inner thigh and Clarke grips wavy hair.

When Lexa dips her tongue inside of her, Clarke loses all breath. Sees stars flashing before her eyes.

But Lexa stops all too soon and crawls back up Clarke's body, smirking at the look of confusion Clarke levels her with.

"Patience, Clarke."

She dips her tongue inside Clarke's mouth, and the taste of herself on Lexa's lips sends Clarke into overdrive. She tries to flip Lexa over, but Lexa holds firm, nipping at Clarke's lip.

It drives Clarke mad.

Lexa's hair tickles Clarke's skin as she moves over Clarke, her lips nonstop in their exploration.

Clarke claws at Lexa's back, completely at her mercy.

Until she senses a shift and wrangles herself over and on top of Lexa, the green eyes beneath her sparkling with amusement and lust.

She growls as she attacks the long, elegant neck that haunted her dreams, feeling the fast flickering heartbeat beneath her lips. She moves down, Lexa's small breasts perfect in her hands, in her mouth.

She hooks her finger under a cotton waistband and flings the last piece of clothing between the two of them aside, searching Lexa's eyes for any hesitation.

Instead, Lexa nods and bites her own lip, weaving her hands through Clarke's hair and pulling her back up towards her mouth. When their lips connect again, Clarke swallows a breathy sigh.

Content.

Relaxed.

_Happy_.

Another smile spreads across her face as her fingers slip easily through Lexa, the gasp that leaves the other girl's lips sending a shiver down her spine. Lexa's hands grip at her shoulder, her ass, keeping her where she is, firmly planted between open thighs.

She moves through Lexa slowly, building her up, up, up. A long leg wraps around Clarke's waist, urging her forward, hips moving up to meet her thrusts.

A grunt, a nip against her jaw, her chin.

Clarke adds another finger and kisses Lexa breathless, picking up the pace.

She feels Lexa's body tighten and curls her fingers. Lips break from hers and a groan reaches her ears as Lexa thrums beneath her, a shudder rippling through her and freezing.

" _Clarke…_." a whisper.

Before she can react, Clarke is on her back again. Lexa above her, cheeks flushed and eyes brilliant. Lexa inside her, slender fingers diving and curling.

It's all too much and Clarke feels herself nearing the edge too soon. But she doesn't fight it, holding Lexa's hungry gaze with each beat, each breath until her body goes taut with the pleasure rippling through her.

And this feeling stretches out between them.

In the silence.

In the heavy breaths they share so close to one another.

In the soft smiles and bright eyes.

This feeling that something has cracked open, brilliant and beautiful and theirs.


	10. Chapter 10

Lexa's soft, sleepy smile is even more breathtaking than Clarke remembers.

And when it's the first thing she sees upon waking, it sets her heart racing. The warm weight of Lexa's arm and leg on top of her, of the skin against skin, is a wonderful and strange comfort.

Clarke shifts even more towards Lexa, twining herself into the long limbs already settled around her. Resting her head on Lexa's pillow, close to supple lips she aches to kiss.

Instead she smiles back at Lexa, whose eyes get even brighter than Clarke would have thought possible.

"Morning."

Clarke hums, "Morning." She breathes in a deep sigh, content to lie here with this girl for the foreseeable future.

"Are you hungry?" Lexa shifts even closer, her warm breath landing on Clarke's skin, igniting shivers down her spine.

Clarke shakes her head, eyes focused on the lips that are a breath away.

Until Lexa finally leans over and kisses her. Deep and longing.

Searching.

Twisting and turning Clarke over until she's on her back, Lexa's body flush against her.

She can't help the sigh that escapes her lips and pours itself into Lexa's open mouth.

And Lexa takes her time again.

Moves over Clarke like a shadow, her touch varying forms of softness.

Adoration heavy with every breath, every movement.

And when she breaks, with Lexa's forehead against hers, their heavy breaths mixing between them, the sweat and the heat, she is weightless.

Xx

Lexa cooks her breakfast wearing nothing but a ratty old t-shirt, her messy hair piled up on top of her head in a bun, dripping wavy tendrils back down around her long neck, brushing against her jaw.

It takes every ounce of willpower Clarke has to not join her in the kitchen, push her up against the counter and have her way. Again.

She doesn't.

Instead she enjoys the way Lexa's eyes follow her as she pours herself a cup of coffee, having dropped the blanket she was covering herself with on the floor in the living room.

Lexa clears her throat loudly as Clarke saunters out of the kitchen.

Xx

They spend the day wrapped up in each other.

Savoring.

Exploring.

Mapping.

Breaking and building again and again.

Lexa whispers secrets into her ear. Onto her body.

Brushes her fingers over every inch of Clarke's skin.

Kisses her differently every time their lips meet.

And Clarke.

Clarke absorbs it all. Spreads it back over Lexa.

Draws over the tattoos she finds dotted on porcelain skin.

Hidden from view. From those eyes that were never meant to see.

Listens to Lexa as she explains what each one means.

The small blade under her collarbone.

The evergreen expanding with each breath on her ribs.

The foreign language written and heavy on her hip.

She watches as green eyes mark her every move. As full lips tilt up into lazy smiles.

As warm laughter fills her ears, her soul.

The fire hasn't started to die out like it usually has in the past for Clarke. The heat and passion only building between them, the space ahead open and endless.

She hasn't wanted to run, to leave the shared space and flee to privacy. To normalcy.

She feels, for the first time in her life, completely head over heels.

Xx

"Lexa?"

"Clarke." Sleepy lips move against her neck.

"What is this?" A whisper into the dark, quiet room.

Lexa's arms around her middle tighten, a soft kiss lands on her skin. "I don't know. Something..."

Lexa doesn't continue, her breathing against Clarke full and heavy with sleep.

Xx

Clarke pushes the unknown out of her mind once the morning light hits again, Lexa soft and warm beside her.

They leave the cocoon of Lexa's apartment and get lunch, remaining in constant touch throughout the day. If Clarke wasn't so smitten she'd be rolling her eyes at herself.

Lexa pulls her into a record store and gets lost in the aisles, flipping quickly through old albums, pulling a few selections out of the mess to investigate further. Clarke gives up looking through the items in front of her after she sees the look of furrowed concentration on Lexa's brow, how impossibly beautiful she looks.

Her staring doesn't go unnoticed, Lexa blushes. "Nothing interesting you, Clarke?"

"Not a thing, no. A person… perhaps."

Clarke leans over her, a hand on her waist, nudging hair aside with her nose and kissing her jaw before moving away towards the back of the shop.

Xx

They part for the night at Clarke's steps, the air humid and sticky around them. The twilight glow accentuating the magic of the weekend.

Lexa brushes her lips over Clarke's in that way she does, the way that is soft and pure and gentle.

The way that makes Clarke want to burst.

"I have an important meeting tomorrow, so I might be kind of MIA."

"Sounds fancy."

"It is. It's uh, actually at Mass Gen."

Clarke can feel the surprise on her face. "Mass Gen?"

Lexa nods slowly. "Actually it's not so much a meeting as it is more of a job interview."

Clarke blanches. "Oh…"

"Clarke."

"I'm… I'm trying to wrap my mind around it. I thought… I don't know what I thought. Um, I start my residency there on Wednesday."

Lexa nods again, her eyes wide. "Perhaps we shouldn't have tabled work talk."

"Ha. Yeah."

"It's only an interview, we'll cross that bridge if we get to it."

Clarke nods, still trying to comprehend everything. "Lexa…"

Lexa cuts her off, "I applied there months ago. I've wanted to work at a hospital for a really long time and you know, Boston... hospital city. I just found out about it Friday before our date but I wanted to let it sink in first."

Clarke snaps out of her daze. "I'm sorry, I'm being a jerk."

"It's ok, I'm springing this on you. I had a feeling your placement was at Mass Gen, I've been playing with more information than you...which is why I wanted to let you know before tomorrow."

Clarke ducks her head, grabs Lexa's hand. Hates the doubt she sees swimming in the eyes in front of her. "What time is your interview?"

"Eleven."

Clarke leans in and pulls Lexa into a heavy kiss, letting her lips soothe what her words cannot. "Good luck," she whispers in Lexa's ear before turning and entering her front door.


	11. Chapter 11

"Well, well, well, look who finally decided to come up for air."

"Shut up, Raven."

"Jeez. You'd think after a weekend away loving on your lady you'd be in a better mood. Were all those orgasms a lie, a nasty rumor?"

Clarke doesn't respond, too caught up in the way Lexa's eyes looked impossibly hurt when they parted.

Too conflicted, too ambushed, too exhausted to unpack it all.

She moves towards the bathroom, Raven leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and that look on her face that says so many things to Clarke all at once.

"Whoa. Your face doesn't look like someone who finally got laid. _Did_ you do the do?"

"We did." Clarke nods, her heart fluttering in her chest in spite of the whirring of her brain.

"Then why do you look like you just found out Lexa killed 300 villagers in some remote forest town?"

Clarke rolls her eyes at Raven's unnecessary dramatics, "It's complicated, Rave."

"No shit. Everything is complicated." Raven walks away, disappointment and heartbreak radiating off of her.

Clarke mutters a quiet "Fuck," under her breath before closing the bathroom door and starting the shower.

She disrobes and finds the hickeys Lexa dotted all over her skin, warmth blossoming in her belly when she thinks about each one.

How Lexa looked up at her as she devoured her.

How full and complete she felt twisted and knotted up with long limbs and lazy smiles.

How utterly happy she had been until just a few moments ago.

And how she can't help but feel as if the rug has been ripped out from under her.

Xx

When she closes her eyes to wash her hair, the only thing she sees is Lexa's sleepy morning smile.

It sends her heart into a frenzy.

Xx

Clarke plops herself down on the couch next to Raven, her robe tied tightly around her, a towel twisted up in her hair.

Raven lowers the television but doesn't say anything.

"Lexa has an interview at Mass Gen tomorrow."

"Ah."

"She just found out about it on Friday…. but she didn't tell me until she walked me home. After we spent all weekend in bed."

Raven shrugs, "Would the timing have lessened how conflicted you feel?"

"No."

"Okay. Why are you so…" Raven moves her hand in front of Clarke's face, failing to find the right word for Clarke's state of mind, unease.

"I don't know… I feel like she sprang it on me. I feel like she kind of knew where my residency was going to start… she could have told me she applied there."

Raven nods, "Yeah she could have, but what does it matter? You're a doctor, you're going to be working mad hours for your intern year. She's not even going to be around you."

"No, but if she gets a job in legal it gets really complicated."

"You don't know that for sure."

Clarke sighs, "No, I don't."

"Clarke, can I say something?"

Clarke levels her with a look, "You always say whatever you want, why are you asking permission now?"

"Because I've seen the way you look at her and I've seen the smile on your face when you come home from a date and this is bigger than the two of us sitting here on the couch."

Clarke nods, waiting for Raven to continue.

"I think you're overthinking this. She could have told you, sure, but maybe she's just as nervous about a new job prospect as you are. Maybe she didn't want to jinx anything. Maybe she forgot that she even applied there because it was so long ago. The point is, you're making a mountain out of something little like you always do when things start going well."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Raven crosses her arms and looks at Clarke with the eyes that have always seen through Clarke's bullshit and excuses. "It means don't fuck this up. You should talk to her."

Clarke sighs again, leaning over and dropping her head in her hands. "God, I'm an asshole."

"Yeah, you are. But you're not nearly as bad as you think you are, Clarkey."

"Ugh, I hate it when you call me that."

Raven nudges Clarke with her foot, "I know. Now get up so I can finish watching the zombies eat this dude."

Xx

The air is still muggy and heavy when Clarke leaves her apartment again, determined and nervous. The slap of her sandals against the pavement below her feet the only sound breaking through her thoughts.

Lexa's happy smile.

Lexa's sad eyes.

She stops and takes a deep breath before ringing the doorbell. She regrets the action as soon as her finger depresses the small white button, knowing Lexa will need all the sleep she can get before her big day.

Remembering that Lexa dropped her off for that very reason.

"Clarke." Her voice is quiet and knowing through the crackled speaker, calming some of Clarke's nerves instantly.

"Can I come up?"

She doesn't answer, but the door clicks and buzzes in assent and Clarke steps into the small foyer, fixing her shirt and taking another breath before climbing the stairs to Lexa's door. She knocks softly, listening to Lexa's movements.

When the door opens and Lexa is standing there, Clarke lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding.

And instead of speaking. Of unloading all the words she had put together in her mind, the apologies and the explanations, Clarke simply grabs Lexa's face and kisses her.

And Lexa, Lexa melts into it.

Arms wrapping around Clarke, pulling her closer, closer.

And their feelings do what their words cannot.

Xx

When they finally stop Clarke doesn't let Lexa move far, still holding her face, brushing her thumbs along plump cheeks she adores.

"I didn't mean to attack you like that but I didn't want to end the night the way we did…"

Lexa brushes another whisper of a kiss on Clarke's lips. "I'm glad."

"I overreacted."

Another kiss. "Will you come in?"

"No you should get some rest for tomorrow."

"Clarke."

"It's okay. I'll see you tomorrow… let me know how it goes."

"Of course."

And this time it's Lexa who closes the distance and pulls them into a deep kiss.

"Goodnight, Clarke."

Xx

Clarke sinks into the pillows of her own bed, a sigh of relief and something else echoing around the dark room.

She immediately misses the presence of another body in bed with her, so used to how Lexa molds around her, pulls Clarke towards her. Shaking her head at the lunacy of it all, how quickly she's started to feel _so much_ for this girl, she smiles widely into the darkness.

The possibilities of the next week are endless, and instead of the stress and anxiety of her impending residency keeping her up, Clarke imagines a life where she can sneak time in with Lexa without leaving the hospital.

How it might feel to have that pillar of strength and support under the same roof.

How, really, the future remains a mystery.

The only thing she knows for certain is how Lexa makes her heart flutter.


	12. Chapter 12

The loud ringing of her alarm jolts Clarke from sleep. Slams into her chest and sets her heart racing. She takes a deep breath before turning over and sliding it off.

It's early.

So early.

Her eyes sting and burn with lack of sleep. She spent most of her night tossing and turning with nerves and anxiety. Only falling asleep sometime after she sent another text to Lexa at 2:17 AM.

It's going to be a long day.

It's going to be a long shift.

She pulls herself out of bed and sets the coffee going, before hopping in the shower. Her hands shaking in a way they rarely do, nerves full and firey in her belly.

Today is the day.

Today is the day her life changes.

Starts.

This is it, for better or worse.

Raven is sitting at the kitchen table, slumped over and half asleep when Clarke walks in. She smiles and shakes herself awake, standing up to hand Clarke a packed lunch, a full thermos of coffee and two donuts from Clarke's favorite bakery.

Clarke accepts the offering, even though she knows she won't be able to eat. Her stomach is in knots.

"Knock 'em dead, Clarkey."

"Go back to bed, Rave."

"Oh, trust me I will. But I had to see you off," she pulls Clarke into a bear hug. "I'm so fucking proud of you."

Clarke's eyes water with her admission, with the warmth and love she can feel from Raven's hug, with the undying belief her best friend always seems to have in her.

It's amazing and overwhelming.

"I'm scared." She barely whispers it. Can barely even acknowledge it.

"You're gonna be great." Raven's arms tighten around her until Clarke almost can't take it.

When she steps away and grabs her food with a smile, Raven's pride radiates off of her. She slaps Clarke on the ass and shoves her out the door with a laugh, "Don't kill anyone today."

Clarke rolls her eyes but fear settles low in her belly.

Xx

She makes it to the hospital in record time, anxiety and coffee fueling her already short walk. Her phone buzzes in her pocket and she smiles before seeing it's her mother. She swallows the bile that threatens to rise up her throat and answers, "Mom."

"What time do pre-rounds start?"

"In twenty minutes."

"Are you there yet? Have you found the locker rooms and everything ok?"

"I'm almost there and yeah, I had to get my badge and scrubs the other day."

"Clarke,"

"I know, I know."

Abby pauses on the other line, Clarke can practically hear her thinking through the phone. Her voice is cracking ever so slightly when she speaks. "Keep me posted, ok? Call me when your first shift is done."

"I will, Mom. I will."

Xx

"Hey, I'm Octavia."

Clarke holds her hand out to the girl at the neighboring locker, "Clarke."

"You ready?"

"Aren't you?"

"Hell yeah, can't wait to start cutting for real."

Clarke chuckles, feeling lighter than she has all morning, all week. She pulls her light blue scrub top on and grabs the pristine lab coat off the hook in the locker.

It's stiff and starchy.

Itchy and boxy.

She wraps her stethoscope around her neck and attaches her badge to the pocket, sliding a notebook in there and a couple of pens.

And when she looks up, glances in the mirror, she gasps.

Quietly.

For the first time ever, really and wholly, she feels like a doctor.

Xx

The door to the intern locker room swings open and slams into the wall. Three surly doctors walk in with clipboards and rolling eyes.

"Quiet, babies."

The hushed whispers in the room die down and everyone looks front. Clarke's stomach hardens again and she regrets shoving one of Raven's donuts down her throat.

"The three of us are the residents you'll be assigned to. Pre-rounds begin as soon as we read all the names on these lists. I hope you're all ready to get started, because there will be no slow days here. You're here to learn, you're here to heal, you're here to practice under our licenses."

Clarke steals a glance towards Octavia and sees the same fear she feels written all over the other girl's face.

"Ok, My name is Dr. Indra. Coming with me are Blake, Murphy, Green, and Griffin."

Clarke shares a small smile with Octavia before they both move forward towards the door Indra disappeared from.

She's waiting for them with a scowl in the hallway, her clipboard down at her side. Once they're all assembled in front of her, she takes off down the hallway at a brisk pace. Green has a notebook already in his hand, ready for notes.

"I've heard rumor I have a nickname around the hospital. If I ever hear one of you using it, you'll regret it. My rules are simple, when your pager goes off, you run. If I ask you to jump, you don't waste time asking me how high, you simply jump. Don't ask me for OR hours, they will be given to you when you're ready. If I'm sleeping, don't wake me up unless someone is dying. Understand?"

She spins on a dime and looks at all of them, her disapproving glare cutting through Clarke. She waits until they all get the hint and mumble, "Yes."

"Alright, let's see if you can pick up stuff quicker than that as we go, huh? We're starting out in the pit today so I hope to god you all have your suture techniques down."

They pile into the open elevator and Indra turns around to size them up. Clarke's phone buzzes in her pocket, rattling against the pens she put there not moments ago.

"Who's phone is that?"

Clarke blushes, "Mine."

"Today is not the day for distractions, Griffin."

"No, ma'am."

"Care to explain to the rest of us why you chose to spend your time at Tufts?"

She clears her throat, "No, ma'am."

"You know, your mother was one of my teachers at Harvard. That woman pushed me hard, made sure I kept my head in the game."

"She's good at that."

Clarke internally screams, not wanting to flaunt her pedigree this early.

Not wanting to flaunt her pedigree at all.

"Wait, Griffin? As in Abigail Griffin?" Green turns around, his eyes wide.

"That would be the one, yep." Clarke tries to keep the annoyance, the sarcasm out of her voice. It doesn't work. Her reply comes out harsher than intended.

"You have some giant shoes to fill, Griffin."

Clarke nods, her stomach swirling again. But anger and annoyance coursing through her. She doesn't respond, just nods.

Octavia's eyes are practically staring a hole through the side of her head but she stares straight ahead at the changing numbers on the elevator panel.

When the door opens they follow Indra into the bustling hallway. Octavia pulls Clarke aside by the elbow and whispers " _Griffin_?" in her ear with disdain.

Clarke sighs and nods, pulling her elbow free from Octavia's hand to continue after Indra, who hands out charts at the desk. Clarke is given four to start with and heads to bay 3 to begin her day.

"Griffin," Indra addresses her, making her stop.

Clarke turns, "Yes?"

"Make sure your phone is on silent. I meant it when I said no distractions today."

"Ok."

Xx

Clarke's morning is filled with blood and puke.

She stitches up seven wounds, sets two breaks, and hooks up banana bags to three drunken frat boys.

It's..

It's underwhelming.

She wanted to slice and cut. Wanted to scrub in and watch magic happen.

This, suturing…

This is mundane.

This is not what she expected from her first day.

She sneaks off with Green to grab a bite to eat from the cafeteria when the pit slows down for a few moments. It feels odd, like skipping class.

She pulls her phone from her pocket, the screen filled with texts from Raven, her mom, Lexa.

Her heart flutters.

They didn't get to talk at all before she started her day and Clarke finds herself missing her.

She dials the number, not reading any of the messages, too eager to hear that familiar voice. Needing something soothing and real.

"Good afternoon, Doctor Griffin." Lexa purrs into the phone.

Clarke laughs, "Hi."

"How's it going? How is your day?"

"Busy. I've been in the pit all day stitching people up and cleaning puke."

"That sounds glamorous."

"Oh, you know it. I look amazing right now… I'm surprised they haven't come down to take pictures of me for Hot Doctor magazine."

Lexa laughs and Clarke feels it everywhere. "I think I'd agree with the hot doctor part, you know. Something about those lab coats."

"Crushing on some strange doctors now?"

"Nope. Not plural. Though you are _kind of_ strange."

"Careful...I might leave the lab coat at work from now on."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Hmm… we'll see about that."

"Clarke?"

"Lexa?"

"Did you get any sleep last night…?"

"Not really. I think I fell asleep finally after that last text I sent you."

"Are you awake?"

"Running on coffee and adrenaline. Get used to it, Lex."

Clarke's pager goes off and she looks down to find a 911, groaning and rolling her eyes. The cafeteria still a floor away. "Fuck. I gotta go, my pager is going off. I'll talk to you when I can."

"Go do your thing, doc."

"Lex?"

"Yes, Clarke,"

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For… just... thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for sticking with me! I was bogged down in canon feels (before the scene that shall not be named) and churning out some stuff for that. I hope you're all doing ok, fam! We're in this together, yeah? Alright, so with this chapter starts the second "part" of my story. It's taking a little bit of a turn here, but it'll still be fluffy for sure. We're getting into some nitty gritty Dr. Clarke goodness. I hope you all like it. Thanks for commenting and keeping me motivated, you're all fantastic!


	13. Chapter 13

"Where the hell have you been, Griffin?" Indra shouts at her, hands pumping furiously on the chest of Clarke's first patient of the day from bay 3.

Clarke opens her mouth, but shuts it before saying anything. Grabbing an ambu bag and sticking it over the mouth of the patient and pumping in time.

"We're getting prepped to go up to the OR. I shouldn't even let you scrub in."

The nurses come and help wheel the bed down the hall, Clarke running alongside, Indra up on top of the patient still pumping his blood for him. She's exhausted when they get to elevator, Clarke can see it on her face, on her arms.

"Switch." Clarke doesn't ask. Doesn't question.

She earns a glare. "Excuse me?"

"Your arms are tired, let me." Clarke steps closer to the gurney, and Indra sizes her up again, before huffing and jumping off the bed, fluidly switching hands and procedures with Clarke. Clarke who climbs up on top of the patient as they start running again.

The OR floor is bright and pristine and unfeeling.

Clarke doesn't have time to study it, take it all in, before they're being pushed through a door into OR 3.

"Cardio is here, you can get down now." Indra hands off the ambu bag and moves towards the scrub room. "Come on, Griffin. Let's get you scrubbed."

Clarke's heart jumps into her throat. She follows Indra into the scrub room, grabbing a spare cap off the shelf and beginning her routine. The soap stings her nostrils, the sponge rough and scratchy against her skin, the water strong and warm. Indra scrubs methodically next to her, silently.

Clarke swallows her nerves. Follows Indra's routine.

When they walk back into the OR the surgery is already underway. Her mask is tied tightly around her scrub cap. Gloves are placed over her hands and Indra nods towards her and they step closer to the table.

Clarke watches as hands fly and blood squirts.

She listens as orders are given, instruments are requested.

She imagines her hands moving like that, shifting and sweeping. The ease with which repairs are made, holes are stopped. Passages rerouted.

It's…

It's a dream come to life.

The surgery lasts for eight hours.

Clarke stands transfixed.

Not hungry.

Not tired.

Not sore.

Simply enraptured by all that is before her.

Indra is called forward to help close the patient. Her eyes gleam, and she nods at Clarke, pulling her closer to the field. The remaining doctors and nurses begin stepping away. To other patients, to other duties. Indra wraps a cape around herself and works diligently.

It's only then, when the three of them are around the patient that she addresses Clarke.

"Dr. Jaha, this is Dr. Griffin. She's one of my newest interns."

"Ah, yes. Abby's daughter."

Clarke nods.

"Was this your patient, Griffin?"

"My first of the day. My first ever, actually."

"We like to have some of our most promising interns start out in the pit on their first day. Rankle their chains a little bit. But, looks like you got to see the inside of an OR anyway."

Clarke's ears ring red with the words. She nods again and continues to look down at the surgical field.

"I trust that you'll be able to keep this patient alive tonight, yes?"

She looks up, not knowing exactly how she realizes the words are for her. "Yes."

"Don't let me down, Griff."

Jaha nods at Indra and steps back, pulling his goggles off and twisting his neck, "It's your close, Indra."

"Yes sir."

Xx

Indra doesn't speak to Clarke.

They scrub out and follow the patient to the ICU. She studies the chart before she hands it to Clarke.

"Directions are in here. They are to be followed meticulously."

"Ok."

"I'm going home. If he dies now, it's on you."

Clarke's stomach bottoms out. "Understood."

"I'll be back in the morning."

Clarke watches her go, feeling a myriad of emotions play out. She swallows her fear, knowing she will do everything she can not to ruin the trust that's been placed on her shoulders. The chart opens easily and Clarke reads, then re-reads the instructions left to her.

Xx

The armchair in the ICU is uncomfortable, but it's more comfortable than spending the night trying to sleep hunched over at the desk. Plus, Clarke can hear the machines better in here.

Her patient, Mr. Grey, only has two minor scares through the night, but Clarke barely sleeps.

She reads through the chart three and a half times. She watches the TV that hangs over the nurses station.

She eats the granola bar that sat untouched in the bottom of her pocket all day.

She reads the texts she missed.

Re-reads certain ones from a certain girl.

It's too late to respond. To call anyone.

She walks the halls and drinks stale coffee, contemplates making a fresh pot before the machines set off again.

She runs, ordering meds pushed and waits for the machines to settle, for his heart rate to come back up to normal. Her own going a mile a minute in her ears.

His evens out.

Hers keeps racing.

The nurse that's been on the nightshift pats her shoulder and leaves the room.

Xx

She wakes with a jolt as the chart lands on the table. "Morning, Griffin. I see you've managed not to kill our patient." Clarke wipes the drool that slid down her cheek and nods. Embarrassed and sheepish. "I hope you managed to get some beauty sleep."

She doesn't respond. Indra's steely voice cuts through her.

"Mr. Grey had two minor upsets through the night and I pushed meds at 3:47 this morning when his BP and heartrate dropped."

"I can see that. This chart is meticulous."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Alright, grab your coat, we're rounding."

Clarke stands up and grabs her coat, following Indra down the hall for another day.

Xx

It's another day in the pit.

Another day of sutures and puke.

But this time, this time she's getting glares from her fellow interns.

Some are asking questions.

Some are just radiating jealousy.

She shrugs it off and sets her head down and does her job.

Indra doesn't go easy on her.

Doesn't go easy on anyone.

Clarke is able to sneak away to send quick texts to Raven. Her mother.

Lexa.

But they're few and far between.

Indra dismisses them for lunch and Clarke shoves a burger down her throat so fast she thinks she might choke.

It's the most substantial thing she's eaten in days.

Octavia slams her tray beside her and plops down, her eyes fierce.

"So."

"So?"

Clarke sips her water, needing the pause to suss out Octavia's mood.

"Abby Griffin?"

"Is my mom."

"You know, I had to work my ass off at Stanford to get in here."

"I had to work my ass off, too."

"You can keep saying that, but I"ll never believe you."

"Believe what you want, Blake. It's the truth." Clarke shrugs and glances at her phone again. Hoping for another text from Lexa.

Octavia looks nonplussed by Clarke's non-reaction. By her refusal to give in to the fight, the annoyance. She takes a bite of her salad, "How was it?"

"How was what?"

"The OR."

"Magical."

They sit in shared silence until Octavia finishes her salad and throws her fork down, "Want to grab a latte from the good coffee cart?"

"God, yes."

Xx

It's 7:07 PM when Clarke is dismissed, told to go home and get some sleep.

Octavia is already in the locker room, talking with Murphy when she walks in. Murphy stares at her, but doesn't say anything. Clarke spins the combination on her locker and slides out of her sneakers, too tired to do anything. Afraid that if she sits on the bench she'll fall asleep right there at the hospital.

Her first shift officially over, 39 hours later.

She slowly changes and stretches her muscles, yawning. She splashes cold water on her face before pulling her dirty hair up. Octavia is waiting for her by the lockers, "Wanna grab a drink?"

Clarke shakes her head, "I'd love to… but I'm exhausted."

"Maybe next time?"

She nods and looks up at Octavia, "Definitely."

Octavia smiles and pats her back before bounding out the door. Clarke grabs her things follows them, the hospital oddly quiet.

The summer air on her face is humid and heavy, but feels wonderful. The smells so different than the sterile air inside the hospital. She shakes it off of her, walking towards that familiar street, a smile already on her face.

The button feels worn and familiar beneath her finger. "Hello?" The familiar voice crackles.

"Hi."

"Clarke." She's buzzed up before Lexa says another word. Climbing the stairs faster than her tired legs should be able to. Lexa is there before her with a smile and pride pouring off of her. "Hi."

Clarke falls into her, gets wrapped up in a hug. Lexa's arms, body, soothing and warm.

"Are you hungry?" Clarke nods. Pulls her face from Lexa's neck and kisses her. It wakes her up and calms her down again in the most interesting of ways. Lexa pulls away and kisses her forehead. "Come on, let's get you fed."

Lexa pushes her towards the bathroom with a small smile.

"Trying to tell me something?"

She laughs, "No… just, take a hot shower, relax for a minute."

Clarke nods and drops her bag. Kisses Lexa again, deeper this time, before locking herself in the bathroom and letting the steam fill the small room. The familiar smells of Lexa's soap, her shampoo, cloud Clarke's already tired brain and she wants nothing more than to curl up with her, tell her about her long day.

She wraps a large towel around herself and slides onto Lexa's bed, the other girl still moving around the kitchen. The one who kept popping back up into her mind in between medicine and patients.

Clarke feels a gentle kiss on her temple, a slight brush of fingers over her cheek. "Clarke?"

"Hmm…"

"Are you hungry?"

"Mmhmm." She doesn't open her eyes. Too soothed by the warm body next to her.

"Clarke…"

"Ok, ok. What'd you make me, chef?"

"Mac and cheese, blue box."

Clarke opens her eyes and takes in the smirking girl next to her. "You're the best." She leans up and kisses pouty lips, before sitting up and grabbing the bowl of goodness off the nightstand.

Lexa brushes wet hair from her face and watches her, awe in her eyes.

"So?"

"Do you want to hear about how I got to ride on top of a patient as we raced to the OR, or about how I got to help close him? Or about how my resident left me in charge of his care overnight? Or about how I sutured a massive gash, like we're talking 13 inches long, this morning, or-"

Lexa laughs, waving her hands in front of Clarke, "Alright, alright."

Clarke offers her a bite of her food, and Lexa leans over to pull the fork into her mouth, her eyes never leaving Clarke's.

"Why don't you start from the beginning, hot shot."

Clarke smiles, takes another bite of her food. "Lex?"

"Clarke?"

"Can I give you the details tomorrow? I kind of just want to sit here and be quiet and look at you."

Lexa blushes and her eyes glance down at the quilt beneath them. She chews her food and nods, before looking back up at Clarke. "Ok."

Clarke pats the bed beside her and Lexa moves, settles next to her. "Tell me about your day. Or days. I've missed your voice."

Lexa slips her arm through Clarke's and squeezes, "Well…. I got a call and set up a second interview at the hospital today…."

Clarke nods, "That's great."

"Is it?"

Clarke hates how defeated and unsure her voice still sounds. "Yes, Lexa. I promise."

"Clarke."

"Really. It sucked being so far way from you… I'm not, um." She clears her throat, cursing her exhaustion for running away with her mouth. "I'm not used to not being able to talk to you. I'll have to adjust to that, but, you… in the hospital, could have some advantages."

Lexa laughs, "Oh you just want dirty work sex."

Clarke blushes, "Of course I do. Them's the perks, Woods."

She finishes her food and sets the bowl aside, sinking further into Lexa. Lexa who begins weaving her fingers through damp hair. Combing it out, weaving through it.

Pulling it back into a braid.

Clarke hums, her body more content in this moment than she can ever remember. She fights the sleep that crawls up, strong and heavy.

"Clarke."

"Hmm."

"Sleep with me." Lexa's voice is hushed, barely spoken.

"Ok."

She settles herself against Lexa's open arms. Buries her face in the crook of Lexa's neck and falls into a pure, dreamless sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

When Clarke walks through the doors of the hospital again, tales of her trip to the OR have spread like wildfire. Envious looks sting at her from all sides, but she does her best to brush them off. Octavia hands her a coffee at her locker with a small nod of hello as they change in silence.

It's something.

Murphy and Green pummel her with questions before rounds, and she feels the excited energy of the other interns around her, but she shrugs them off and swallows the hot liquid. The caffeine races through her blood and warms her body. Her lab coat is still starchy when she pulls it over her shoulders, still feels new.

She's a doctor. She's living the dream.

She still feels like the same Clarke Griffin as always.

Xx

The next four days are the busiest and most stressful of Clarke's life.

Indra brings Octavia and Clarke with her to neuro for the week.

It's boring.

Not at all what Clarke envisioned when she thought about surgery. No blood, no guts.

Just small incisions and probes, cracked skulls and plates taken off.

Octavia sits beside her in the gallery rapt with attention. Laser focus on the open brains before her as Indra helps clip bleeders and suctions. She flits her eyes up to them every so often to make sure they're watching, paying attention.

Watching Indra's hands in the OR, hearing her voice answer questions presented by the attendings, makes Clarke feel a strange connection with her.

They're all in this together, for better or worse.

"I don't get it, Clarke. How can you not think this is awesome? We're literally looking at someone's brain right now. And not like, on a slab in bio lab. It's still a living thing, right there just open to the world."

Clarke shrugs, "Yeah, I mean I get it… but it's not exciting, there's no thrill."

"You're weird."

"Guess so."

Her pager buzzes in her pocket and she whips it out, noting the 911. "I gotta go, if this patient codes Indra will kill me."

Octavia nods, already focusing back on the surgery before her. Clarke shakes her head and runs out the door.

The patient is seizing violently when she runs into the room, the nurses all looking wildly for someone else, someone with more experience. She steps in and begins barking out orders with more authority than she feels she holds in her whole body. But they all move as one until the attending comes in.

She ends up back in the OR for the second time with Mrs. Leary. Right next to Indra's OR.

Without backup.

Without anyone familiar.

She scrubs in fast and furious with the attending next to her and is draped with a gown and gloved before she can believe it. She stands behind the attending as he suctions the bleeders and asks her questions.

Clarke's whole view of neuro changes in an instant.

Indra walks in while they're deep in the patient's brain, a question written all over her eyes. She slides up behind Clarke and listens to the update.

"Dr. Indra, is this your patient?"

"Yes. She was perfectly stable this morning."

"Most of these cases are until they're not. Dr. Griffin here acted fast."

She can see some sort of pride roll into Indra's eyes, but it's gone in a blink. Indra's worry rolls off of her next to Clarke, but they stand there together watching, hoping, learning.

Xx

The beds in the on call room are hard.

Lumpy.

Severely lacking in the comfort department.

But they'll do just fine and Clarke slams into one, her body collapsing underneath her. Not remembering the last time she slept, the last time she sat down for more than ten minutes. She barely kicks her shoes off before she's asleep, phone still in her hand and mid text.

Her pager wakes her up and she jumps.

Disoriented.

Unsure.

She rummages around her pockets unable to find it, unable to stop it from beeping and beeping. The groans of complaint from someone on the bunk above her loud and understood.

Her shoes slide on easier than they should and she pulls her hair up into a messy bun before setting off at a run down the hall. Her phone and half composed text message back in her pocket and forgotten.

Xx

Monty is the next one of her crew to make it into the OR, a ruptured appendix in the pit found him scrubbing in, his eyes wide and disbelieving with nerves above the surgical mask.

Octavia and Clarke watch from the gallery sharing a bag of sour patch kids between them. Murphy laughs from the door behind them, jealous and petulant.

"That's one of us down there, Murphy. Be nice."

"Whatever, he's lucky he's there. I was supposed to be in that bay but I got held up with an old lady who kept telling me how nice my hair looked."

"Got the old ladies hitting on you now? Good lord, it's gonna be a fun place for you to work every day." Clarke lets a laugh rip free, thinking about how many people have already commented on her eyes and how much they pop in her light blue scrubs.

He scoffs again before sitting heavily behind them. Octavia hands the bag of candy back and he rummages through it. "You better not take all the orange ones…"

"Who in their right mind wants the orange ones, Clarke?" Octavia's disdain barely makes it past the piece of gummy candy in her cheek.

She shrugs, "I have great taste, what can I say."

Her phone buzzes in her lap and she cannot contain the smile that overcomes her face at the name flashing across the screen.

Without a word she gets up and leaves the gallery and the candy behind, sliding open the call.

"Hi."

"Clarke," Lexa's voice sounds relieved.

"Lexa."

"Hi."

She laughs, "Hi, again."

"I'm sorry it's just really great to hear your voice."

"I know, how was your interview?" Clarke settles against the wall, slides down and sits, content to let the voice of the girl she can't get out of her head distract her for a few moments. Smile wide and real on her face.

Xx

"We're going out and you're coming with us, Griff." Octavia rips her scrub top off and throws it in the dirty basket behind them, sniffing her armpits before shrugging and pulling her t shirt back on.

"I'm exhausted, Blake."

"We're all exhausted, that's the deal. But you blew us off last time and this time we're not taking no for an answer. No excuses."

Clarke rolls her eyes but smiles, wanting to bond with the people she'll be surrounded with every day for the next year. "You're buying."

"Hell no, we split."

"Darts?"

"Fuck, yes."

"Alright, whoever wins pays up."

Octavia sizes her up for a moment before nodding and sticking out her hand, "Deal."

Xx

The bar is crowded, but quieter than she would have thought. She recognizes faces from around the hospital and the weary way everyone slouches over tables and drinks. This is definitely a bar full of doctors.

Octavia points to a circular table in the corner by the dart machine and heads to the bar to get the first pitcher.

Clarke pulls out her phone to text Lexa, telling her she'll be later than she planned.

"You're always smiling at your phone you know." Octavia sets the pitcher down and places an empty glass in front of Clarke.

"And?"

"And nothing, I just noticed."

"Perceptive of you."

"Power to you. I couldn't imagine dating someone right now. The hours we work? Shit, man."

Clarke shrugs it off and pours herself a beer, holding it up for Octavia to clink against hers. "Here's to the first week!"

Xx

Other interns pour in.

Green sidles up to their table and grabs Clarke's half finished beer before she can even open her mouth to fight it. The look in his eyes says he needs it, so she gets a fresh glass and a round of shots for the table.

Murphy sits at the bar and flirts with a brunette nurse, throwing glances over his shoulder all night.

Octavia beats Clarke in all but one game of darts, throwing her hands up in celebration and slapping Clarke's back as she closes out their tab. They leave the bar together, Octavia dumping herself into a cab and Monty stumbling along with his roommate.

Clarke checks the time and grimaces even in her drunken state. She stumbles down the sidewalk and around the corner, up the few blocks to Lexa's apartment, debating on pressing the buzzer.

She texts instead, not sure if she's hoping Lexa wakes up or not.

The door buzzes before she gets a reply and a sly smile spreads on her face. She trips up the stairs, exhaustion, alcohol or both. Lexa stands in her open doorway with her arms crossed and a smug look on her face.

"Have fun?"

"Mmmm, you know it." Clarke walks up and plants a wet kiss on her cheek, "I would have had _more_ fun with you though."

Lexa pulls her into a hug and laughs into her neck, "I bet."

She yawns and Clarke feels bad for a moment, before Lexa kisses her lips. "I'm glad you're here now though, even if it's late."

"Technically it's early." Clarke tries to kiss her, but can't fight through the cocky smile on her lips long enough to make it happen.

"Alright, champ. Let's get you into bed."

"How forward of you, Lex."

Lexa rolls her eyes and guides Clarke through the door, taking Clarke's bag off her shoulder and setting it down by the door. She smiles when Clarke almost falls into her while sliding out of her shoes.

Clarke wants to kiss her for real, but feels her eyes grow heavy and half lidded.

She doesn't remember hitting the pillow.

Xx

Clarke wakes up sometime in the early predawn light, cold and foggy and still fully clothed under the covers. She pulls herself to the bathroom discarding her jeans and socks, greedily gulping handfuls of water from the faucet to quench the dry desert of her mouth. She finds something for the pain already out on Lexa's counter and hope it helps quell the dull ache building behind her eyes.

She climbs back into bed and wraps herself around Lexa's back, the warmth of her body soothing and real. Lexa adjusts herself in sleep, pushes herself closer to Clarke with a gentle hum. Clarke kisses her shoulder gently before slipping back into weightlessness.

When she wakes up she is alone. The other side of the bed is cool and empty, and the sun is high in the sky. She stretches and feels the tightness in her calves, her ankles, from standing on her feet for so long.

She remembers a faint brush of a kiss on her cheek as Lexa left for work.

Smiling Clarke picks up her phone off the nightstand and nearly drops it when she sees that it's almost noon.

There are a few waiting messages on her screen, but Clarke ignores them and opens her contact list instead.

"How embarrassed should I be about last night?"

Lexa smiles around her words, "Good afternoon, Clarke."

"Really though? I don't even remember getting into bed."

"Probably because you almost passed out in the hallway taking your shoes off."

Clarke lets out a groan and rubs her temples, "Remind me never to drink again."

"Did you have fun, Clarke?"

"I did."

"Good. I have a light schedule this afternoon…"

"Will you be back soon?"

"Will you still be there?"

Her quiet question sets Clarke's heart racing even more. "If you want me to be." Clarke can think of only one thing after a busy week at the hospital, the words dripping with the full weight of her thoughts.

"Then, yes. I'll be back soon."

"I'll be here." The smile on her face and the butterflies on her stomach are impossible to control.

She sinks back into the pillows and closes her eyes, thinking about this girl from the train who never seems to stop making her feel like she could fly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry guys, this story still has plenty more to come. Happy Post-316 day!


	15. Chapter 15

"Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in."

"Hello to you, too, Rave."

"I'm sorry? What was that? You know my name? But you're a stranger… how could that be?" Raven stands from the couch and places her hands on her hips, a toothy grin on display.

"Yeah, yeah." Clarke sets her bag down and toes off her shoes, plopping herself on the couch while Raven just looks on with fake annoyance in her eyes.

"What, no hug?"

Clarke opens her arms and rolls her eyes. "Come here you goon."

Raven falls on top of her, hugging her soundly. "There's no one to tease when you're not here, Doc."

"We should get you a cat or something." Clarke squeezes her shoulders and floods with calm happiness at seeing her friend again.

Raven scoffs against her shoulder before pulling herself off of Clarke and sitting on the couch next to her, her feet on Clarke's lap. "Nonsense."

"How've you been?"

"Good. You?"

"Good."

They both smile at each other, and laugh.

"How's _Lexa_?" Raven draws the name out to tease her, but Clarke can't stop the smile that spreads on her lips.

"Good."

"Yeah? I should hope so. You've been between the hospital and your sex den since you started. I might rent out your room, make some money off this."

Clarke levels her with a look, "It's hardly a sex den, and I think you're forgetting whose name is on the lease…"

"Semantics."

They fall into an easy silence and Clarke feels more relaxed and refreshed than she has since her first day at the hospital. "I'm glad you're home today."

"Me too. Movies and takeout?"

Clarke hesitates before answering, and Raven beats her to it. "Ah, nevermind. You've got plans."

"No… No plans officially."

Raven shrugs, "You know, I still haven't properly met her. How can I know she's good people… worthy of your affection and such. She has not gone through the Raven Reyes vetting process yet."

"I know… I don't… I don't know why I haven't brought her around here yet."

"Because you're busy hiding in your sex den, babe."

Clarke laughs this time and slaps Raven's knee, "I swear you're still like twelve years old."

"Why change now?"

"It's still new. She still feels like this impossible thing in my hands, like a little baby bird. If I rush it, if I move too quick she'll fly away."

"Clarke…"

"I can't explain it. I've never met anyone like her before. I thought it was just this crush and then I couldn't stop thinking about her and whenever I'm with her I just feel this new thing blossom in my chest and she's so smart and so funny and so beautiful… like, how is she real?"

"That sounds nice."

"It is. And I don't want to pop this bubble that we're in. I still can't fathom that she's this real person in my brain and if I bring her around it makes her _more_ real. Makes her this tangible thing in my life. I don't know if I can handle it."

"You're the one who sounds skittish now…"

Clarke meets Raven's curious gaze and hears the words that just left her mouth replay over in her head. She blushes. "No. I'm more sure of her than I am about a lot of things."

"Thought so." Raven is serious and understanding, she reaches her hand out and pats the one Clarke still has on her knee. "You're in the big leagues now, Clarkey."

Clarke takes a breath and runs her hand through her messy hair, still smelling the hint of Lexa's shampoo on the dry ends. "Ha… yeah. Guess so."

"It's good."

"It is."

They watch the television play on before them for another few minutes and Clarke feels the truth of her words hit everywhere.

"So… how about movies and take out?"

Raven doesn't question the switch, the changing of her mind. She simply nods and wiggles her toes.

Xx

Clarke finishes with her charts and checks her watch too distracted by the growling in her stomach to do anything else. She reaches into her pocket to check her messages when her phone lights up with a new one. With a smile, she reads the few that have gathered and a quiet excitement buzzes through her.

She makes it to the lobby quickly but slows her gait, walking calmly down the last flight of stairs into the big open area. The kind of area that's supposed to seem welcoming and safe to the people walking through the doors. Overly calm and reassuring in that way that sets nerves on edge anyway.

A familiar figure stands at the bottom, smirk firmly in place as she watches Clarke descend the steps. Her eyes light up with happiness and a flit of mischief at the scrubs, the lab coat. Green eyes rove, stop at the stethoscope around her neck, the badge on her coat.

"Doctor." A short nod, a deepening of that smirk on her cheeks.

"Hi."

"Can I buy you lunch?"

"You sure can, my stomach has been torturing me for the last hour."

Lexa steps back and relaxes her formal posture. The blazer freshly pressed on her shoulders cutting a wonderful figure. She waits for Clarke to lead the way, still appreciating the sight of her at work. "Wanna go to the food truck outside?"

"Whatever you like, Clarke."

Clarke smiles, indescribably happy to see Lexa like this. Lexa here in the hospital. Lexa here in the middle of her workday, a moment to be shared between them that is outside the norm.

"I think I'd like the fresh air."

Xx

They sit at a small table under a nearby tree. The busy street alive behind them, the city bustling in the early afternoon. The sun warms her skin and the air is hot and thick in the summer heat, but so much better than the dry, recycled air of the hospital. It wakes Clarke up, this moment, the sun, the fresh air, the girl before her smiling with her eyes as they eat.

"How was your interview?"

A deep smile, "It was really, really, good."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. They said they'll be making final decisions by Friday."

Clarke grins wide, "I'm excited for you, Lex."

"Me too. But, I'm trying not to get my hopes up."

"I think it's too late for that…"

She smirks and a little hint of a laugh passes through her lips, "I think you're right." She pauses, and hesitates around her words, something heavy at the tip of her tongue. She shakes her head and Clarke wants to question it, open her up, but before she can Lexa continues. "How long do I have you?"

"Uhhh…" Clarke clears her head, the change in topics almost giving her whiplash. "I'm just working on old charts right now so you've got me for a little bit. Or until my pager rings with a 9-1-1."

"Good. Just charts today?"

"For now. It's not all crazy blood and guts you know. Hospital bureaucracy never rests."

They finish their lunch sharing small smiles and easy conversation between them. Clarke places a quick, light, peck on her lips as they stand to clear the area and watches as Lexa's whole body relaxes before her.

"So… do you maybe want to come and get dinner with me and Raven tonight? I should be getting out relatively early based on my schedule."

"I'd like that." She wraps her pinky around Clarke's down at her side.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." A small nod and a look that says a million words.

"Ok, I'll call you when I'm out?"

"I would hope." She teases now and Clarke wants to kiss her again. Really kiss her. But instead she smiles and pulls Lexa back along towards the hospital. They walk inside and Lexa buys Clarke a latte from the good coffee cart. The smile that cuts across her face makes Clarke swoon as she takes a step backwards. Not ready for her impromptu lunch date to be over.

Not ready for her time with Lexa to be over.

"I'll see you later."

"You will. Have a good shift, Clarke."

Xx

"You look weirdly happy… did you spike that coffee or something to get you through this mountain of charts you're working on?"

Clarke looks up from where her hand is cramped, trying to scribble too many notes into too small a space. "I'll never tell."

"I knew it. Where's your stash, I need some. Scut is awful." Octavia slumps against the desk, weariness seeping off of her.

She snorts, "You shouldn't have pissed off Indra."

"I still don't understand why that made her mad."

"That woman is an enigma, for sure." Clarke is barely paying attention. Her mind filled with Lexa's soft smile, the afternoon sun still warm on her skin.

"You are no help today, Griff. I need to vent!" She grumbles, and stretches her legs.

"You always need to vent."

"Yeah, well, it's my thing. I can't wait to clock out tonight. My brother is finally free and we're gonna hit the Sox game. You want to come and have drinks with us first?"

Clarke perks up a bit, hearing the change in Octavia's voice. She stops writing and looks up. "I'd love to, but I have plans."

"Ah yes, that's right. Mysterious texter."

"Is that the nickname you've picked out?"

"I guess," she shrugs, "Not my best work, but I have limited resources."

"Well, if you must know, I'm actually going out with my roommate tonight. I've been neglecting her and she gets sassy if she's not fed and watered on a regular basis."

"Alright, keep your secrets. Be boring."

She nods and smiles, "I will. But I really am seeing my roommate tonight."

"Sure, sure, Griff." Octavia's pager buzzes and she groans. "Fuck, it's never ending today."

"Stay strong, Blake."

Xx

Lexa stands outside the restaurant, proper and formal. Her nerves tight along her spine, in her jaw. Clarke smiles, so full of fondness for this creature before her. Raven keeps ranting along next to her, some story about something at work. Clarke loses focus as soon as her eyes land on Lexa.

Lexa's shoulders drop slightly when she sees Clarke. A small flash of a smile ghosts her lips. Clarke just wants to hug her.

"You're here early." Clarke pulls Raven to a stop in front of the restaurant, her story cut off mid word at the action. "Raven, you remember Lexa."

"Yeah, hey. Nice to see you in the light." Raven sticks her hand out and Lexa shakes it quickly.

Clarke brushes a small kiss along her cheek, "Were you waiting long?"

"I just got here." Her lips tilt up the slightest bit.

"Liar."

"You'll never know."

Raven ushers them inside and settles into their booth at the back corner, a teasing look on her face when Clarke slides inside the booth, waiting for Lexa to sit next to her.

Clarke shoots daggers at her, a quick look of warning.

"So… drinks?"

Xx

The nerves disappear quickly.

The conversation flows between Raven and Lexa easily, the two having more in common that Clarke would have thought. She finds herself enraptured with the way Lexa's hands move as she explains something, how excited she gets about Raven's theories and revelations, how she smirks every time Raven reveals something about Clarke from their shared youth together.

How easily she glances towards Clarke with that look in her eye.

Happy.

Her palm on Clarke's thigh feels wonderful. Real.

Grounding them in this moment.

She makes Raven laugh out loud more than once, and Clarke feels like her heart might burst at the sight.

They both listen to her tell stories from the hospital, eyes wide and faces grimacing at the gross parts. Raven's hackles raise a bit when she talks with fondness about Octavia, how easily they've seemed to grow accustomed to each other. A support buddy with a scalpel.

Clarke shares small bites of food with Lexa, ignoring the sass she can see from her friend across the table.

Lexa brushes crumbs off her cheek, pulls Clarke's hand into her lap.

Stays connected in some way to Clarke throughout the night.

It's pleasant and wonderful and everything Clarke hoped it would be.

Lexa picks up the tab, and ignores both Clarke and Raven as they complain. Tell her not to.

"It's ok, it's my pleasure. I third-wheeled on roommate time."

"Lex, I _invited_ you."

"I got it, Clarke. Thank you, though."

They walk out into the evening air, still muggy and heavy with summer. Raven pushes Clarke towards Lexa with a smirk, "Go on and get, I can find my way home."

Clarke laughs and falls into step with Lexa, a warm arm settling around her shoulders and pulling her tight.

Xx

They fall into bed.

Barely make it through the door with hungry kisses, groping hands.

It slams behind them and Clarke is pushed against it, nips on her neck, a growl in her shoulder.

She fists Lexa's hair in her hand, scratches at her shoulders to keep her close, close.

Lexa's hands tug on Clarke's legs, asking without words. Clarke wraps them around her small waist and feels herself lifted. Feels herself carried to bed.

She loves the feeling of reaching down to kiss the generous lips before her. Holds Lexa's face in her hands and keeps her there, even as they stumble towards the bedroom.

Her back hits the mattress and she's smothered with Lexa. Her legs still wrapped around her, keeping her there. Her long hair flitting down to cover them both.

Lexa is ravenous and alive.

Something spreading out like a flame from within her, encompassing them both.

They don't speak.

Clothes are ripped from skin, thrown to the floor.

Teeth gnash at her collarbone as she cries out, shakes and rattles through her pleasure. Lexa is unfettered. Unstoppable.

Unwavering.

When they finally collapse into the sheets, Clarke can barely breathe. Deep gasps choke out, trying to get air into hungry lungs.

Lexa settles beside her on her stomach. The new scratches on her back glistening in the sweat. A smug, proud, satisfied look on her face.

Clarke lets a laugh bark out, "That was…"

The satisfaction grows in green eyes on the pillow next to her, a long arm settles on her stomach. "Yeah."

"Wow."

"Mmhm."

She moves closer, nuzzles her nose into the space between Clarke's neck and shoulder. Kisses the bite marks already forming there. She practically purrs into Clarke's skin when Clarke runs her fingers lightly along the bare back beneath them.

She slips into sleep with Lexa heavy and warm and pleased beside her.


	16. Chapter 16

"What the fuck, Griff? Thought you went out with your roommate last night?" Octavia pulls the shoulder of Clarke's scrub top down to inspect the large, dark hickey displayed there.

Clarke's blushes, "I did."

"Sure." Octavia rolls her eyes and pulls her own scrubs on.

"Didn't say that was all I had planned, did I?" She tries to recover some of the swagger she lost with Octavia's pointed stare.

"No, guess not." Octavia smirks and shakes her head. "You're something else, you know that right?"

"You don't even know, Blake."

Clarke warms thinking about the previous night. The fun dinner, the explosive sex. The marks she found all over her body from Lexa's unforgiving mouth.

How Lexa's eyes burned into her as she worked, bringing Clarke up, up, up.

It's torture being in this hospital right now.

Lexa's hand gripped her waist when the alarm went off. Half-asleep and exhausted, she dipped her tongue into Clarke's mouth before allowing her to slip out of bed.

A tease.

A promise.

She tries to clear her head from lusty thoughts and the lanky girl she left naked in bed, tries to focus on work.

"How was the Sox game?"

"Fucking shit. Orioles banged 'em up pretty bad. We left in the seventh."

Octavia pulls her lab coat on and Clarke laces up her sneakers. "Time for a coffee run?"

"Yeah, if we hurry. I don't need to get stuck on scut again today. Yesterday is a day I'd like to never repeat if I can help it."

Clarke cracks a smile, "I'm sure you'll find some way to piss of Indra again soon. She likes you."

"How can you possibly tell?"

"Because I think she's the kind of doctor who yells at the ones she likes."

Xx

Clarke gets stuck in OB with Murphy.

The pink scrubs and the screaming moms are _so_ not her thing. Murphy can't help but waggle his eyebrows and crack lame jokes in the hallway and Clarke has thought about punching him at least seven times before mid morning.

"Why are you like this?" She turns on him as they leave an exam room, the attending still inside calming a worried mother through her labor pains.

"Like what, Griffin?"

"Such a smug asshole all the time."

"LIke you're not? With the mom and the pedigree and the already in the OR a bunch of times?"

"I'm not smug, Murphy. I work hard."

"So do I."

"Whatever. At least I'm not an ass about it."

He smirks and sets a chart down at the station, "Keep telling yourself that. I'd keep an eye open if I were you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Something settles in Clarke's belly at his words but he doesn't answer, just continues walking up the hallway.

Xx

She finds herself in the OR again, this time with Murphy beside her.

She's never seen a doctor move so fast. Hands fly over a swollen belly, slicing through flesh and cutting through muscle to reach the life inside.

The life in distress.

Clarke gasps behind her surgical mask at the tiny being that's pulled out, handed over to a waiting doctor.

She's never seen anything so small.

The baby fits easily inside an open palm, cupped and cradled. Blue.

So blue.

Her heart aches inside of her as the baby is ushered away to it's own area. More doctors working feverishly over it than over the mother.

The mother who is still bleeding out before them.

She's called over, the attending barks for hands. For packing and suction.

Machines beep all around them, warning and loud.

Clarke doesn't hear any of it.

She's never seen so much blood ooze out from so many places.

It's not just the incision.

It's everywhere.

The patient's face is curtained off, every other piece of her body except for her swollen belly is covered. Hidden.

But Clarke can't get the woman's face out of her mind. Can't push the happy smile, the hope she saw earlier away. Feels bound to this woman, her hands flying wherever they can to help keep her alive.

She aches to hear a small strangled cry come from the corner.

It never happens.

An eternity passes. More blood bags, more suction.

Sutures and clamps.

It doesn't matter.

"Have you ever called one?"

Clarke is pulled from her thoughts, the attending looking at her with somber eyes over the mask on her face. She shakes her head, not trusting her words.

Not able to breathe.

The attending merely nods at her, pulling the surgical mask down and ripping bloodied gloves off. A heavy sigh breaking the silence as the monitors are turned off.

Clarke glances up at the clock on the wall. The big, red letters burning into her retinas.

She swallows down the bile that climbs up the back of her throat. "Time of death, 15:34."

Murphy's voice echoes around the room a moment later, the baby too small to make it.

Xx

They sit in silence in the basement.

A trove of broken beds and unused equipment.

Shoulder to shoulder they sit, not speaking, barely breathing.

Clarke can still hear the way the guttural sob ripped from the patient's husband. The man who lost everything he loved in one fell swoop. Murphy stiff and uncomfortable beside her as they listened to the broken voice of the attending.

As the look of hope crossed over to horror in a second.

Her hands feel dirty.

Unclean.

There was nothing they could do. Nothing they could stop.

Her eyes still ache with the tears she shed in the supply closet. Alone and angry and hopeless.

"Have you ever seen anything so small?" Murphy breaks the silence. His voice cracked and weak.

"Never."

"Her skin was like paper, her veins… we couldn't..."

Another tear leaks down Clarke's face. She rests her head on Murphy's shoulder and feels him relax. "I know."

"Fuck. It's so _real_."

"I know."

He heaves with a sigh and the silence envelops them once again.

Clarke fights the sobs that tingle behind her eyes.

Xx

Two more babies are born before Clarke's shift ends.

She holds one in her arms the minute it's born. The second pair of hands to ever touch a new life.

It's…

Amazing.

Breathtaking.

The baby wails in her arms, gooey and bloody but beautiful. So beautiful.

The dull ache inside of her falls away, and she smiles brightly down at the alien thing screeching and dancing in her hands.

The attending finds her as she finishes up the charts. "Come with me, Griffin. Where's Murphy?"

"I'm not sure, Dr. Cartwig."

"You did good work today, I'm impressed."

"Thanks."

"It takes a lot of guts to handle OB. It's not easy what we do here."

"No. I think this has been one of my hardest shifts yet."

"Losing a patient… having to break that news to the loved ones, it's always hard. The day it's not hard is the day you should quit. Stop working towards saving lives. We always feel it." She turns a corner and stops in front of a large window. The NICU filled with tiny humans.

"They're so small."

"They are. And incredibly resilient. From the moment we're born we are fighting. Our bodies only know one thing- fight. Breathe. Survive. It's our first instinct. The babies in here all have a chance, even though they look small."

Clarke scans the room. The machines and incubators, the nurses administering medicine. The mothers calmly sitting and reaching through plastic to touch the tiniest amount of skin they can.

"You held a brand new life in your hands today. Remember that. Our loss will stick with you forever, but _this_ is why we do it." Cartwig nods towards the babies that are working to live.

They stand there watching for a few moments. Clarke feeling the weight of all of it sink onto her tired shoulders.

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to unsee that devastation on his face."

"You won't. But you'll work like hell to never see it again."

"I will though."

"We all do. Go home and get some rest, Dr. Griffin. Welcome to the big leagues."

Xx

"Can I buy you a beer?"

Clarke looks up from her phone at Murphy, hesitant to sit down on the barstool next to her. Octavia scoffs on Clarke's other side and swallows the rest of her beer.

"Yeah. Sit down, Murph."

"I'm sorry… about earlier."

"It's alright."

"What's up with you two tonight?" Octavia leans over Clarke and grabs the bowl of pretzels from in front of Murphy.

"We had a shit day in OB."

"Dude, it's OB."

"Blake… you have no idea." Murphy downs a shot and slides one towards Clarke.

"Whatever. Darts?" She slaps her hand on the bar and stands up.

"Nah, I'm gonna leave after this one." Clarke raises her beer in a fake cheers and downs a few large sips.

"Right. Gotta get home to your vampire."

"Jealous, O?"

Octavia smirks and lets her eyes wander to the imposing, tattooed nurse who just walked in the door. "Not at all, Griffin. Not at all."

"Vampire?" Murphy's voice almost back to its usual snark.

"She likes to tease."

"Whatever, get yours."

"Plan on it." Clarke looks down at her phone on the bar, still blank.

"Do you think that nurse in peds is single?"

"I have no idea, Murph. Why?"

"Have you seen the nurse in peds? She's smoking."

"Are you telling me you have no game? Why are you asking me instead of flirting?"

"I plan on flirting, I just didn't know if you had any inside information."

"You're hopeless." Clarke's phone lights up on the bar and she picks it up, butterflies springing to life inside her belly. She takes another sip of beer and grabs her bag from under the bar. "Good luck with that, I'm off."

Xx

Lexa's eyes are already hooded and lusty when she opens the door for Clarke.

Clarke's smile grows through her exhaustion with every step closer to Lexa's door.

"I've been thinking about you all day." Lexa smirks, crosses her arms in front of her and leans against her open door. Her eyes still dark, mischievous.

Clarke reaches the top step and moves toward Lexa, falling into her arms and holding on. Everything from her day rushing up and taking over.

A heavy sigh leaves her lips and Lexa holds her tighter, whispering in her ear.

"Clarke."

"Just hold me. Please."

They stand there in Lexa's hallway. Still and quiet. Clarke breathing steadily into Lexa's neck, the weight of life heavy and foreign on her shoulders.

"Clarke?"

Clarke takes a deep breath as the tears threaten to spill from her eyes again.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She pulls her face from her spot against Lexa's neck and smiles sheepishly.

"It's ok, Clarke." Lexa's hands reach up and cup her face, thumbs swiping along cheeks. Her eyes soft and open, full of something Clarke doesn't want to name.

Instead she leans forward and kisses her. Needy and insistent. Her hands gripping Lexa's chin and keeping her there. She kisses and waits for Lexa to relax into it, to move with her. She rewards her with a moan when it happens. When Lexa pulls her inside and returns her kisses with a hint of softness.

"Help me forget." She whispers it against Lexa's lips and pushes her towards the bedroom. Arms wrap themselves around her and pull her close. The body soft and supple against her.

Lexa kisses her deeply, pushing everything else out of her mind.

Everything but her. Moving on top of her and sliding the shirt up her torso, kissing the bite marks she left on Clarke's stomach yesterday.

Her hands gentle and soothing, until Clarke can't take it anymore and flips her over.

Fire alights in green eyes and Lexa smirks.

Clarke leans down and kisses it off her lips.


	17. Chapter 17

Lexa gets the job at the hospital.

Lexa gets the job and goes away on vacation for two weeks before she starts.

And Clarke,

Clarke is happy.

Happy and nervous.

Anxious and flustered.

Burying herself and her feelings in extra shifts. Sleeping at the hospital as much as she can, trolling the ER for cases.

She's at the hospital so much Indra finally corners her by the vending machines.

Eyes her up and down and sends her home.

"If I so much as see a hint of you here in the hospital for the next two days I'll personally see you out."

The way she glares at Clarke is heavy and angry but there's a layer of kindness hidden underneath it all.

Xx

Lexa gets the job and goes away for two weeks and Clarke doesn't know what to do.

She sits at home and bugs Raven.

Raven who has gotten used to Clarke gone, out of her space.

To Clarke working or Clarke at Lexa's.

Raven who laughs at her as she huffs bored from the couch, channel surfing and trying to get popcorn in her mouth.

"What have you become?"

Clarke groans.

"Look at you… you're one of those girls now. Your girlfriend is out of town and you're lost."

"Fuck off, Rave."

"No. I never, ever would have picture this, Clarkey."

"Raven-" Clarke's voice is biting, her annoyance not even close to appropriate.

"What?" Raven is confused but she doesn't back down.

Clarke loses her bite just as quickly as it came. "She's not my girlfriend," she grumbles and turns her attention back to the television trying to shut out her roommate's imploring gaze.

Raven sighs, "Alright. Wanna go out tonight?" She tries to be bright, fun.

"No. My feet hurt."

She feels immediately guilty, as Raven nods her head and mutters an ok under her breath.

"Shit, Rave I'm sorry. I don't know how to do this yet…"

"Do what?"

"Do this. Be a doctor, be a good roommate, be a good… I don't even fucking know."

"Maybe you should ask her, before she starts working with you."

Clarke's stomach turns. The main topic buzzing around her mind coming back front and center, "Yeah."

Xx

Clarke missed the hustle and noise of the hospital more than she realized after her short stint on the couch.

The newness of it still hasn't worn off but she's more comfortable now.

She spends two days on scut duty, Indra still glaring at her for some reason, and it's terrible, awful.

Octavia laughs and offers an "I told you so" before slipping down the hall to neuro.

Murphy just pats her on the back and gives her a candy bar out of his pocket.

"I could think of a few jokes on that move, Murph."

"I'm sure you could," he smirks before walking away to answer a page.

She takes a long, hot shower in the locker room. Washing the feeling of puke and other bodily fluids off her skin. She lost track of how many times she changed her scrubs in twelve hours.

Scut is,

Scut is the worst.

She pulls her wet hair up on top of her head into a messy bun and grabs her jacket off the hook in her locker before checking her phone.

Just the usual from Raven.

A new voicemail from her mother.

With a sigh she heaves her bag on her shoulder and leaves the empty locker room.

She thinks about Lexa.

What they're doing.

Sleeping together. Spending time together. Unnamed and amorphous.

It's the best thing Clarke has had in a long time.

It's the best thing Clarke has had ever.

It's… it just is.

She's counting down until Lexa is back in Boston.

Back in her small apartment.

Back in Clarke's arms.

The smile on her face when she texted earlier was so big, Octavia and Murphy both called her out on it.

She misses her.

In these moments she misses her.

When she's tired and it's quiet.

When she's leaving work and walking home.

When she can think without the noise of the hospital in her ears and the bright lights in her eyes.

She misses her.

Xx

Lexa's there.

She's _there_.

Standing outside the hospital.

Hands in her pockets and wry smile on her face.

She's back and she's waiting for Clarke.

Clarke who swings into her arms with a laugh. Feeling them tighten around her, a smile on her neck.

"You're back!"

"I'm back." Her voice is soft and sweet and makes Clarke ache.

Lexa sets her down on the pavement and looks at her. Holds her face still and scans her. A smile growing, sinking into her cheeks.

"Lex?"

"Yeah?"

"Take me home." She squeezes Lexa's waist and leans into her.

Lexa merely nods and smiles, steps back and pulls Clarke with her, her arm coming to rest around Clarke's shoulders.

Clarke, Clarke keeps Lexa's hand in hers, pulls it down and kisses it, leaning further into this girl, this girl who's captivated her from the beginning.

Xx

"How was your flight?"

They're tangled up in Lexa's sheets. Naked and sweaty and breathing heavy. Clarke can't take her eyes off Lexa. Lexa can't wipe the tired smile off her face.

"Bumpy."

"I thought you were back tomorrow."

"No…"

"Lexa!" Clarke nudges her with her arm, and Lexa's smile grows.

"I wanted to surprise you."

"You are such a fucking softie, you know that?"

"Liar."

"Please." Clarke giggles and rolls herself back on top of Lexa. "You missed me."

Lexa's eyes widen, soften.

"Come on, admit it. _You missed me_ ," Clarke singsongs. Loving every second of this.

She's met with a small nod. Lexa's throat bobs with words unsaid.

It's a moment that is suddenly charged with something.

Clarke can't breathe.

Lexa stares at her with so much depth and longing. It covers her. Coats her.

Clarke moves, settles next to Lexa on the bed, head propped up on her arm. Lexa studies the ceiling.

"Lexa?"

"Yes, Clarke?" her eyebrow lifts up with her answer.

"How are we gonna do this?"

"I think we already did it quite well a couple of times…" she smirks and finally turns her head to Clarke.

Clarke who rolls her eyes and places her free hand on Lexa's stomach.

"I mean it. You working at the hospital, me running around working and learning at the hospital. We haven't talked about it yet."

Lexa just smiles softly around a "Shhh." Turns herself more to Clarke.

Clarke who can't help but smile at how soft and relaxed this girl looks. Tired from travel but happy.

"Lex, you're gonna be in legal…"

Lexa rolls over, props herself up over Clarke. Her eyes blazing with something.

"Can we talk about something else please?"

The way she's looking at her, Clarke knows the last thing on Lexa's mind is talk.

Clarke simply nods her head and waits for Lexa to dip down, to claim her lips again. It takes a moment. A moment of eyes scanning her face. Of heavy breathing. Of weightlessness.

And then soft lips are sliding against hers and her hand is tangling in long wavy hair again and Clarke forgets about all of it.

Forgets about everything but this person in bed with her.

And the way they feel against one another.

Xx

Clarke has been in the hospital for four hours when Lexa texts her.

She's about to scrub in on an appendectomy and she might get to assist, get her hands in there and bloody.

But Lexa texts her and pulls her attention for a moment.

It's her first day.

Clarke knows she's nervous even if she won't admit it. Won't say the words.

Clarke could see it on her shoulders last night, and in the tight set of her jaw.

Tried to get it out of her but it wouldn't budge.

Tried to work it out of her but Lexa just nudged her toward the door with a smile and a nip on her lips, wanting to get a full night of sleep before the big day.

But now she's replying to Clarke's good luck text from earlier this morning and Clarke can't stop smiling from the warm feeling that spreads through her like honey.

She takes it all the way into the OR with her.

All the way through the appendectomy.

The one she gets to perform start to finish under the watchful eye of the attending.

It feels….

It feels fucking amazing.

Xx

She doesn't see Lexa.

Doesn't have time to text her for lunch or a cup of coffee.

But, also doesn't want to invade Lexa's space. Not on her first day. Not while she's still learning and probably inundated with everything new.

She doesn't see Lexa.

She texts her a few times but she's pulled into surgery again with Indra and has to focus.

"Hey, wanna grab a beer after work?"

Murphy is next to her, scrubbing out of the surgery.

"Maybe? I have to finish some charts after rounds though."

"Ok well, Octavia has been beating me at darts like every night so I could use a break. Can you get in there and win one for the team? She's damn insufferable."

Clarke laughs, "I'll see what I can do, Murph."

Xx

Her phone buzzes in her pocket as she closes the last chart.

Murphy.

Begging her to come to the bar.

She glances at her watch and agrees.

Needing a distraction while Lexa enjoys dinner with the rest of her new coworkers. They surprised her and swooped her out of the hospital and Clarke can only imagine the look on her face when she was pulled along.

She changes quickly and runs across the street. Octavia already has a cold beer waiting for her and a huge smile on her face.

"What, is your vampire busy tonight?"

Clarke just laughs, "Think what you want, Blake but I was dragged here to take you down. Better start warming up your throwing arm because _it is on_."

She takes a few hearty gulps of beer and orders a burger from the bartender before following Octavia to the corner where the dartboards are.

Octavia cackles when she sees that there's already a crowd forming.

And then she loses handily in four games to Clarke.

Clarke who finishes her beer, forgoes the burger and slips out of the bar before anyone can notice.

The text on her phone too tempting to ignore.  _Heading home, brought you leftovers._

She smiles to herself all the way to Lexa's. The normal butterflies dancing around her empty belly.

Xx

Clarke sits on the couch eating lukewarm food from a plastic container while Lexa slips out of her suit, rolls her shoulders and yawns.

She watches Lexa putter around her apartment, setting out clothes for tomorrow and getting lunch ready to go.

She smiles around her fork when Lexa catches her eye as she closes the fridge door, walking over with two bottles of beer. And her heart sings when Lexa plops down on the couch next to her, invading Clarke's space like she was born to do it.

"So,"

"My head hurts."

"That vacation really did a number on you, huh?"

"Yeah but," Lexa scrubs her face with her hands, "There's so much more to learn…"

"It's the big leagues." Clarke shrugs.

"It is."

Clarke holds the full fork out for Lexa and smirks when she takes the food and kisses Clarke's cheek.

They sit in comfortable silence while Clarke finishes her food. Lexa curls up next to her, head on her shoulder.

"Clarke?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Do we have to watch this show?" There's a hint of whine in her voice and Clarke loves it.

"Not a fan?"

"No. You know how I feel about zombies."

"Lex, you know that it would never happen."

"No, I don't. And, anyway, it's creepy. I don't need to see this before I go to bed."

Clarke warms, "Yeah, but you'll have me there to protect you. I can be the zombie killer."

Lexa laughs and snuggles closer, wrapping her arms around Clarke's elbow.

"Ok, Clarke. Whatever you say."

Clarke kisses the top of her head and hands over the remote. She's rewarded with a kiss on her neck and a happy hum from Lexa.

And she's too content, too blissed out, too full of everything to even wonder what they are.

They just are.


	18. Chapter 18

Just two more hours, two more hours of this hellish shift before Clarke can go home.

She holds on to that thought as she slides open the curtain of trauma bay 2 and walks in without looking up from her clipboard.

"I'm Doctor Griffin, I'll be taking care of you today Mister Coll-" She almost chokes as she reads the name, and then again when her eyes look up and find the owner.

"Hey Clarke," Finn tries his best at something calm and nonchalant, but it doesn't work.

"Finn." She looks at the chart again and then back up. His arm is hanging oddly and there's a grimace on his face. "Looks like you dislocated your shoulder."

"Yeah, feels like that, too."

"I'll uh," She feels the blood boiling underneath her lab coat. Trying to keep calm and professional before the boy who broke her best friend. "I'll get someone else for you. Someone more qualified."

She clears her throat and backs up, but he stops her.

"Please don't. I've been waiting here forever and I'm in so much pain."

Everything she wants to say sits lodged in her throat. Every nasty word she thought, every truth she dreamed about throwing at him if she ever saw him. The anger she'd spit in his face.

It all sits inside of her coiled and tight.

She stands there for what feels like an eternity trying to make the decision. Warring with her loyalty and her oaths.

She straightens her stethoscope and takes a deep breath, picking up Finn's chart once again and looking at the notes from the nurses.

"Why don't you tell me what happened."

"Clarke, I'm sorry…" his voice is quiet and broken and laced with pain.

"Nope. No. You're going to tell me how you hurt your shoulder and I'm going to be here with you strictly in a medical capacity and as soon as I'm done I'm going to walk out of here and forget you exist again, got it?" It's hard and leaves no room for negotiation.

She isn't going to listen to this. She can be professional for as long as it takes, but she's not going to hear his side of things.

Not now, not ever.

He nods, his pride clearly hurt. He tries using the big puppy eyes he used so often on Raven, but Clarke leans him back and a grimace quickly replaces them.

Xx

After a long stretch of testing and x-ray, Finn's shoulder is set and sitting in a sling and he's limping towards the exit.

"Thanks, Clarke."

"Just doing my job." She doesn't look up, focused on the chart and the girl she wanted to try to see tonight before all of this happened.

"Can I ask you something?" He stops and turns in the middle of the noise and bustle of the emergency department.

"You can ask, but I can't promise that I'll answer." She finishes writing on his chart, eager to be rid of him once again. When she finally looks up he glances down at his shoes and back up again, pupils wide from pain meds.

"Is she ok?" His voice chokes around the question and she watches him struggle with it. The anger and the frustration rising back up from her belly.

She takes a step away from the desk and checks her watch for the time. It's an hour past when she was supposed to leave and her bones ache with it.

"She's Raven." Clarke shrugs and leaves him standing there, all of the anger and pain left in her wake along with him.

It's not worth it.

He's not worth it.

Xx

The apartment is dark and cool when she opens the door and steps inside.

She's been here more, working the nightshift the past few days until a switch to a more regular schedule today.

There's a note on the counter and food in the fridge and she chokes some of it down before changing and cracking open the door that doesn't belong to her.

Raven's arm is thrown over her face and she's sprawled spread-eagle in the middle of her bed, snoring lightly.

Clarke can't help but grin just a little at the fact that Raven still sleeps the same way she did when they were little.

She nudges her over and collapses into bed, her muscles sighing with relief.

Raven adjusts, stirs.

"Don't get any ideas, this isn't your sex den you walked into so late."

"I know."

She turns and mumbles into the pillow, more half asleep than anything. "Are you ok, Griff?"

"Yeah. No. I don't know."

"Is it Lexa?"

"No."

"Ok, we'll talk in the morning, yeah?" Raven snuggles further into the sheets, inching closer to Clarke so she'll have some comfortable contact, but enough space for her spinning mind.

"Yeah."

They never get that far before Clarke's pager is blaring next to her head, loud enough to wake the dead. Raven jumps next to her and shoves her to the floor, a scowl on her face.

Clarke's elbow hits hard against the wood upon her landing, "What the fuck?"

"Get out of here with this thing." Raven throws the pager at her and Clarke shuts it off, reading the code on the screen.

"Jesus, alright."

She throws her shoes back on and races in to the hospital. Indra's biggest case the only thing on her mind.

Xx

It's a whirlwind when she gets back.

They're pulled into surgery just before 4AM.

She scrubs in with Octavia. Murphy and Green watch with tired jealousy from the gallery. They were just two minutes too late to the code.

It takes longer than she would have thought to control the bleeding. The swelling.

Octavia moves quick with suction.

Clarke answers questions at a rapid fire pace.

Indra moves along with the attending, her hands flying and her eyes wide.

It takes longer than she would have thought but the patient is finally stable.

Clarke can't feel her feet when she pulls the scrub cap off her head and rips the mask off her face.

It was supposed to be her day off.

She looks up at the clock on the wall and notices that it's halfway gone by now.

A few texts from Lexa sit unanswered on her phone, and one from Raven apologizing for pushing her out of bed.

She texts Lexa back, hoping she'll get to see her soon.

With Clarke working nights, their schedules haven't lined up for a while and Clarke knows she's getting mopey.

She mopes even more when Lexa tells her she's in a meeting and can't talk.

The walk home feels like it takes forever, her feet tired and heavy, her legs stiff. Her mind exhausted and racing at the same time.

The sun seems extra bright, extra loud in her eyes and it's too much.

When she gets home she doesn't even pull her sweaty clothes off before sinking into the pillow.

Xx

It's almost dark when she wakes up.

Almost dark, which means it's late.

Really late.

She can hear Raven moving through the apartment and she smiles until she remembers the conversation they never got to have.

After a quick shower, she finds Raven ensconced on the couch with a beer.

"I ordered pizza, should be here any second."

"Cool." Clarke plops down and grabs a bottle from the six pack on the table, the noise when she twists it off more than satisfying.

"How was your emergency this morning."

"Horrible. But we saved him."

"Good."

"Sorry… I should have known better than to leave my pager on the pillow. It's a habit from the on-call room."

"Clarke, it's fine. I was being dramatic."

Raven seems colder than usual, something off.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, about the pager I'm sure."

She takes a sip of beer, wincing at the carbonation that hits unexpectedly in the back of the throat.

"What's up?"

"Were you going to tell me you saw Finn or...?"

Her stomach lurches. Raven tries to keep her voice hard, angry, but Clarke has known her too long. Can hear the way it breaks ever so slightly.

"Rave…"

"He came to the lab today. His arm was in a sling and he had a black eye." Raven avoids her gaze, staring intently at something on the floor.

"Yeah."

"He fucking brought me flowers."

"He was my last patient last night. I tried not to treat him."

"How hard did you try, Clarke?"

Raven levels her with a look that shocks through her.

"Ok, no, you don't get to do that."

"Do what?"

"I can't just turn people away. He was my patient, I swore an oath."

"Yeah, whatever." Raven downs her beer and slams the bottle heavily on the table when the doorbell rings.

Clarke stands up and waits for her to come back, pacing with all the thoughts exploding in her head. Of course Finn sought her out, didn't give Clarke a chance to explain what happened.

"Here. I suppose I can still share with you."

"Raven," Clarke bites. "Sit down and shut up."

She points to the couch and Raven sinks on to it, a mix of surprise and annoyance on her face.

"Finn came in. I excused myself, but he asked for me to stay. He tried to talk about you and I shut him up. I fixed his damn shoulder, handed him his paperwork and walked away. He asked me how you were, and I said that you're you. And he left. That's it. That's all."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, whatever. I shoved the flowers in his face and pushed his shoulder and told him to fuck off. So that's that."

"Good."

"I almost punched him, but I figured the good hard shove to the shoulder and the embarrassment of rose petals all over his hair and shit was enough."

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"No, not really. A head's up would have been nice but I can see why you didn't want to do that over text."

"I know. Poor timing this morning with that page."

Clarke flips open the delivery box, her mouth watering.

Raven must notice the ravenous look on her face as she surveys what piece to take. "When's the last time you ate anything?"

"Uh…."

"Come on, Clarke, you gotta be better than that."

"I know, I know."

They eat in silence for a few minutes, Clarke chowing down on more slices of pizza than she'd like to count.

Raven is right, she needs to do better when it comes to food.

Her phone buzzes against the table and her heart flutters.

Lexa.

She slides it open a smile spreading on her face, turning into a scowl when she reads the words on the screen.

Raven nudges her knee, "Trouble in paradise?"

Clarke groans, "No. She's just working late again."

"It's only been like a month, how much work could she have already?"

"I don't know, a lot of it is training and it's so much more than her old job."

"Yeah, but I hate seeing you all sad like this, Clarkey."

Clarke smiles and types out a quick response to Lexa. _Don't work too hard. Maybe I'll run into you tomorrow in the cafeteria?_

The response takes a moment but it comes through. _Maybe. I'll text you when I get home._

_Ok._

Xx

Raven makes her watch some absurd reality show with her, cackling through all the drama and fake set-ups. Clarke doesn't care what's on tv in front of her, too tired, too full, a pizza and beer coma lulling her into pseudo-sleep on the couch.

She finally drags herself to bed and pulls the covers over her shoulders, flipping on nextflix to watch episodes she's already seen of a show she used to love.

She doesn't remember falling asleep until her phone buzzes on her stomach and a box on the television screen asks her if she's still watching.

"Hi."

"Hey," Lexa's voice sounds tired and groggy.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm just… stressed."

"Yeah. Did you just get home?"

"A little while ago, and I brought files with me…" Lexa's voice trails off almost whining.

"Lex, take a break. You need sleep."

"There's so much to learn, Clarke."

"I know, but it's like they tell us, you're only good for so long before your brain needs a break. Come on, you know this." She echoes some of Raven's gentle scolding from before.

"Yeah."

"What time is it?"

"Late…."

"Leave your stuff there, come over here. My feet are too tired to move today."

She hears a sigh leave Lexa's lips, heavy and full of regret for the answer she's about to give, "Clarke,"

"Don't say no, please." Clarke knows she's whining, just a little bit.

"I have to work on some of this and make it back in time for a board meeting."

"You have to go to a board meeting?"

"Yeah… there's… ok, just. Yeah. That's why I've been so busy this week."

"Alright, I get it." And she does. She understands there are things they won't always be able to talk about.

"Things should settle down soon. You're done with nights for now, right?"

"Mmhm, trying to fix whatever semblance of a sleep schedule I still have."

Lexa laughs into the phone, it's brief, but it's there. Clarke can picture her warm smile, the way her eyes crinkle.

They talk for a little while longer before Clarke almost can't keep her eyes open.

"Tomorrow… you, me… food."

"I don't know how long this meeting is going to be…"

"Ok, well… you know where to find me."

"I do. Goodnight, Clarke." Her voice is the soft one Clarke loves. The way she barely speaks over a whisper, meant just for Clarke's ears and no one else.

It pulls that warmth back through her body.

The one she only associates with Lexa.

"Goodnight."


	19. Chapter 19

Clarke doesn’t see Lexa the next day.

Or the day after that either.

They barely text, with Clarke in and out of surgeries and traumas and Lexa doing… _whatever_ it is she’s doing.

“What’s up with you?” Octavia slaps her hard on the back as Clarke throws down another shot of tequila chasing it with a sip of her beer.

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit, Clarke. Our cases have all been relatively smooth sailing as much as possible this week and you look like someone ran over your puppy.”

“She doesn’t have any hickeys, she’s not getting laid.” Murphy nods towards her neck before taking a sip of his own drink.

“Fuck off, Murphy.” Clarke growls.

Octavia slaps him on the head and tells him to scat, “You’re gross, you need to leave.”

She turns her attention back to Clarke though as soon as he disappears in the crowd. “Something wrong with your vampire?”

“I’m busy. We’re busy. Schedules out of sync.”

“No shit, dating during intern year was not ideal.”

“Okay, you know what? You’re doing just fine with that nurse.”

“Hell yeah I am, but only because we bang at the hospital and know it’s casual.”

“Smart.”

“Seriously, you have got to snap out of this funk, you’re bringing us all down, Griffin.”

Clarke finishes her drink and grabs the takeout bag from the bartender. “Guess so. Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“What! No, stay! Please… if you’re not getting laid you have no excuse for not playing darts.”

Clarke rolls her eyes and continues out the door. Her phone screen still blank.

Xx

Raven finds her stalking around the kitchen and cleaning when she gets home.

“Ok, enough.”

“I need to do _something_!” Clarke scrubs at the spot on the counter that just won’t budge.

“This isn’t a good look on you, Clarke.” Raven crosses her arms over her chest and cocks her hip.

Clarke doesn’t want to hear another lecture. “You can save it, Octavia already lectured me.”

“She can’t take all the fun jobs away from me, that one’s mine.”

“That’s _not a good look on you_ , Raven.” Clarke retorts, tired of Raven’s slight jealousy.

“Fuck this. I’m going to the bar around the corner. If you feel like taking the edge off, you know where to find me. Or keep bleaching shit, I don’t care.”

Clarke lets her go without an answer.

Xx

She buries herself in work, which is easy with Indra’s difficult cases this week. She spends most of the morning after rounds with Monty in the research library trying to find an alternative treatment for a patient.

They stay there until she can hear Monty’s stomach rumbling, and he asks if she wants to get lunch.

She hasn’t been in the cafeteria all week, choosing instead to grab food at the coffee cart or vending machine. One day Raven brought her food and a thermos of coffee and she almost tackled her in the lobby.

Octavia finds them just as she’s finishing up with a patient’s chart and slipping around the corner at the end of the hallway.

“There you are, I’m famished! Let’s eat.”

“You’re dramatic.”

Octavia levels Clarke with a stare and she just keeps walking towards the elevators. Clarke pulls her phone out of her pocket, thinking about sending Lexa a text, seeing if she’s had anything to eat yet. She hesitates and slides the phone back in her pocket. Monty mistakes the move, “Don’t worry, Griffin, we have plenty of time.”

Clarke just nods as they step on the elevator, listening to Octavia rant about the post-op patient in 224 who has not stopped complaining even while highly medicated,  sharing eye rolls with Monty.

The cafeteria is slowing down, the end of the lunch rush evident in the scattered chairs and the plethora of empty tables. Clarke stands before the entrance to the grill line trying to talk herself out of getting another cheeseburger and opting for the salad today when she hears a familiar voice behind her.

Lexa is there.

Seated at a small round table with a few other women looking professional and spiffy.

She’s daintily eating a salad and nodding along to whatever her co-worker is saying and looking nothing like Lexa at all until she looks up and meets Clarke’s bewildered stare.

Clarke stops in her tracks, happiness and shock and then annoyance flood her system.

Clarke turns around and heads to the salad bar where Octavia is loading up a take out container and chattering away. She keeps her back to the door, not caring what she puts in her bowl until a voice breaks her out of her trance.

“Clarke, what are you doing? You hate beets…” Clarke looks up at Octavia’s puzzled expression and shrugs before removing the offending roots off her salad.

Clarke isn’t sure what she’s doing. Or what she’ll be able to keep doing. She feels confusion and anger spiral together in her gut.

Both girls turn to get in line to pay and Clarke feels a heavy gaze on her. She knows that if she turns around she’ll find a familiar pair of green eyes on her. The fear of what she might see in them keeping her rooted to the spot.

Octavia and Monty find a table by the window and Clarke hesitates for a brief moment before joining them.

Her eyes flit over to Lexa’s table more than she would like, but no one notices. The other two locked in some strange argument from a case the other day.

Clarke takes a bite of her salad and almost gags at the way the leaves feel in her mouth.

Heavy and gross, like sand.

She forces it down. A few bites at a time.

Octavia asks her a question that she’s forced to answer and pulls her attention away from Lexa’s table.

There’s a scraping of chairs and a clicking of heels and the group with Lexa stand and move to the door. Clarke grabs her container of salad, glad she and Octavia discovered the take-out container trick so early on in their tenure, and bolts for the door.

A muttered excuse about something she just remembered rolls off her lips.

Lexa is still standing by the door talking with a tall, regal looking woman when Clarke leaves. They make brief eye contact, and she knows Lexa got the message.

She stands by the window at the end of the hall and fiddles with her phone looking busy while she waits for Lexa. Soon enough she hears Lexa approach, stowing her phone back in her pocket.

“Clarke,” Lexa’s voice is soft, but not her usual tone.

Clarke grabs her by the elbow and pulls her into the bathroom across from them. It’s empty and she locks the door behind Lexa.

“What the _hell_ , Lexa?”

“Hello to you too.”

“Are you ignoring me? Blowing me off? Avoiding me? _What_?” Clarke is exasperated. This isn’t how she wanted the conversation to go, but she can’t put it off any longer and it spews from her mouth without thought.

“Clarke.” Lexa is stern now, annoyed.

Her wall has gone up.

“Just, I need to know okay? You work here and now I never see you. You’re always busy, but I’m a doctor. I’m always busy too, I know how it is.”

Lexa flinches, but her eyes narrow and her chin rises and Clarke knows she won’t get an answer she wants, if she even gets an answer at all.

She hasn’t been with Lexa long, but she knows confrontation never ends well.

Lexa opens her mouth to reply just as Clarke’s pager beeps in her pocket.

“ _Fuck_ ,” she growls, almost throwing it against the mirror. Instead she leaves in a huff, reading the 911 as she jogs up the hall, barely chancing a second glance at the hard girl still standing in the bathroom.

Her mess of a love life pushed to the back of her mind yet again.

Xx

The surgery is long, messy.

Clarke is in charge of holding back a retractor for eight hours and can’t feel her hand when they’re scrubbing out.

Her back is sweaty and her knees are shaking and she can’t remember anything else but the look of life draining out of someone’s body before slowly coming back in. Organs returning to their normal color, healthy and alive.

It’s a miracle.

It’s her job.

Her phone is dead by the time she makes it back to her belongings, and her shift is long past over. The interns working the night shift this week send her bleary smiles as she changes and heads home, too tired to think.

Raven is snoring on the couch when Clarke arrives. The television playing infomercials and an empty carton of ice cream lying on the table. She throws a blanket over her friend, turns off the tv and stumbles into the shower needing to wash the sweat and grime of surgery away.

She doesn’t even hear her phone turn on after she plugs it into charge on her nightstand before she’s fast asleep.

Xx

Clarke wakes with a start.

Covered in a cold sweat, her heart racing.

She wakes and tries to shake herself out of it. Out of the dream.

The vision of Lexa before her, snarling and angry. A spear in her hand and black paint on her face. Yelling and screaming and fighting, only to fall to the ground. Her opponent towering over her with a knife.

And Clarke can’t breathe.

Cannot still her heart.

Pulled herself from the dream before she could see the end. Before...

She stands and stretches and jumps again when her pager goes off before she can settle.

And she races back to the hospital, her phone ignored in the bottom of her bag.

Xx

Their patient from the night before codes and Clarke ends up back in surgery, though this time Green holds the retractor. She watches the attending’s hands fly over the body, throwing stitches and grabbing bleeders and it’s magic.

Again.

This life, this field… it’s all crazy and complex and everything Clarke had hoped it would be.

It’s a long morning in the OR but when the patient is stable and being wheeled out, accepting compliments from the attending on the case and watching Green almost crumple to the ground with the weight of them.

“Do you think Indra will be impressed and go easy on us during rounds?” He says it with a smile. Both of them knowing the opposite is more likely to happen.

Xx

“Did you hear what happened with Jordan?” Murphy whispers conspiratorially when he joins Clarke and Octavia in the gallery.

Octavia spins in her seat, “No, what?”

“Guess he shocked a woman who was DNR. Her family is pissed.”

“What?” Clarke turns now, watches Murphy wiggle his eyebrows and sip from his take out cup.

“Dude, you should have seen his face. He’s fucking white as a ghost, probably will be fired by the end of the day.”

“Shit,” Octavia sighs and they both turn their attention back to the surgery below. Watching Green assist with Indra, her hands deep in the body cavity.

“Wanna get a coffee from the good cart? It’s gonna be a long night.” Clarke asks, needing something to keep her focused and not drifting back to whatever is happening with her… _whatever_ Lexa is. Or isn’t.

“Yeah,” Octavia places her phone back in the pocket of her lab coat and stands, leaving before Clarke even has a second to move.

They make it through the atrium and to the start of the East wing when they see Jasper Jordan anxiously pacing outside of the chief’s office. “Fuck, we should… we should go the other way.” Octavia mutters but it’s too late. He looks up and his eyes are red and watery. Clarke instantly feels a pang of empathy in her chest for him.

He doesn’t say a word, but they can’t look away. Can’t walk away.

Octavia picks up the pace and Clarke follows suit, her eyes drifting to the large window looking into Jaha’s office. A hand wraps around her elbow and attempts to pull her up the hallway quicker when the door opens.

Clarke’s eyes meet Lexa’s. Steely. Hidden.

She can tell the exact moment Lexa realizes who is standing in front of her. Watch the shift happen. The way the lines on her forehead soften, just enough for Clarke to see it but not for her mask to fall down.

She opens her mouth to speak, her eyes studying Clarke until, with a jerk of her head, she addresses Jasper. “We’re ready for you, Doctor.” Her voice is clipped. Firm.

She’s gone in a blink.

Jasper ducks his head and walks into the office. Octavia reaches out and pats him on the back, pulling Clarke closer to the window.

Lexa is staring out of it. Clarke feels her back stiffen and her stomach tighten as soon as their eyes meet. Anger and frustration bubble up, and she can’t hold onto the hot feelings inside of her because when she’s looking at Lexa. Looking at her and seeing her, the rest of it fades out.

She misses Lexa.

And she doesn’t know what to do.

Lexa blinks after a long moment and turns her attention back to the suits around the room. Jaha sits at his desk, his hands folded in front of him. He looks tired, heavy with the weight of the world.

“Come on, we don’t need to see this.” Clarke nudges Octavia. Turns away from the window just in time to miss Lexa’s eyes flit back.

Octavia waits until they’re around the corner before she breaks the tense silence. “What was that, Griff?”

“What was what?”

“Uh, _that_? Why’d you get all fucking weird back there. Have you ever even _talked_ to Jordan?”

“Huh?”

“Yo, earth to Clarke!” Octavia stops and grabs Clarke by the shoulders. “Maybe you really do need that coffee.”

“Yeah. Coffee… I think I’ll get an extra shot, too,” Clarke lies. Her stomach hard and roiling with anxiety. The unexpected run in with Lexa too much to handle.

Xx

She makes it through the end of her shift. A long 48 hours in the books, her shoulders tight and her neck stiff and her feet aching.

Jordan was placed on suspension and nerves spread through the intern locker room like wildfire.

Indra pulled the four of them aside after her surgery and lectured them until her face turned blue. Reminded them whose license they’re working under. Reminded them what weight rests on their shoulders. Reminded them how easy it is to fuck up.

And now, all she can think about is climbing into bed.

The sun is just cresting the horizon when she takes her first steps out of the hospital. She leaves her phone at the bottom of her bag. It’s been off since she ran into the hospital for surgery and she hasn’t missed it.

Raven is still asleep when she crawls into the apartment. Too tired to make it past the sofa and spiraling onto it, a heap of sweat and sighs and exhaustion.

She feels something heavy land on her hip and groans into her arm, acting like a pillow below her face. The room is bright and the noise of the city outside signals it’s well into morning.

“Too early, leave me alone.”

“I’m gonna once you get into bed and actually get some sleep.” Raven pokes her, her voice scratchy and stuffy.

“Are you sick?”

“My allergies are terrible. Got any advice for me, doc?” Raven grips Clarke’s elbow and attempts to pick her up.

Clarke mumbles and follows Raven down the hall to her bedroom. Diving once again into bed, while Raven pulls her shoes off and wraps the blanket around her.

There’s a soft tap against the front door and it pulls a groan from Clarke, “Fuck, it’s probably my mom. My phone’s been off for days. Tell her I’m sleeping and I’ll call her back.”

“Is that why you haven’t been answering me, Clarkey? You’re a _horrible_ roommate, you know that?”

“Mmmf.” Clarke feels sleep pulling her under again. Faintly hears Raven pad out of her room and into the hallway.

“Oh…. shit.” Her voice carries into Clarke’s room, pulling at Clarke’s consciousness.

She hears a muffled conversation and Raven’s steps get closer to her door again. “Clarke… are you awake?”

“Yeah,” she mumbles, opening one eye to assess her roommate, leaning in the doorway with a smirk on her face.

“Good, because lover-girl is here.”

“What?” Clarke shoots up in bed and almost falls off of it with her scramble.

“It wasn’t your mom at the door.”

“Fuck, _I know_ , Raven. What is she _doing here_?”

“Your phone’s been off for days, remember? Maybe she was worried about you.” Raven shrugs and turns around.

Clarke stumbles into the hallway to find Lexa just outside the open front door. Two cups of coffee in a tray in her hand, a pastry bag in the other down at her side and a sheepish look on her face.

“Clarke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for being patient and sticking with me, guys! I know this one is a slow update fic... I have no excuses. Excuse any typos, I'm dead tired from work today. But, not as tired as Clarke.


	20. Chapter 20

“What, no coffee for me?”

 

Clarke glares at Raven who leans against the wall behind her surveying the scene. She reaches out and takes one of the coffees from Lexa and gives it to Raven.

 

“I need to sleep, anyway.” Clarke shrugs and Raven sips happily from the cup.

 

Lexa’s eyes are wide with surprise at the action. She recoils slightly into herself and Clarke softens for just a moment. The pull of missing her taking over once again.

 

“Right, sorry. I wanted to see you but you must be exhausted. I’ll leave this here and we’ll talk later.”

 

She tries to hand Clarke the pastry bag, but Clarke won’t take it. Not willing to watch Lexa leave again yet entirely unsure of what to do with her standing in the doorway.

 

“I’ll just… go out for a walk.” Raven slips her shoes on and grabs her keys, sneaking past Lexa to disappear down the stairs. Clarke cannot read the look on her face before she descends out of sight..

 

Lexa who still stands in the hallway. Looking tired and sad and unsure. 

 

“I’m sorry, Clarke.”

 

Clarke hears it and waits a beat. Unwilling to let go of her frustration just yet.

 

“How’d you get up here?”

 

“Your neighbor was leaving and held the door for me. The one we blocked a few weeks ago from getting inside.” Lexa’s cheeks blush and Clarke remembers that instance vividly. The way Lexa held her face and got lost in her kiss.

 

She nods and eyes the bag in Lexa’s hands. Her stomach grumbling in protest. 

 

Lexa senses an opening. “May I come in?”

 

Clarke moves away from the door and back to the living room, trusting that Lexa will follow her. The door shuts quietly as she sits on the couch and Lexa walks into the room, straight backed and nervous. She sets the coffee and the bag down on the table and stands awkwardly in the room.

 

Clarke shoves herself over on the couch and grabs the treat, “You can sit, Lex. You came here for a reason. But, I should warn you, I’m probably going to pass out after I eat whatever is in this bag.”

 

“I should have waited until you got some rest, but I couldn’t sleep either and I…”

 

Her voice fades and Clarke looks up from the donut in her bag to find Lexa crumpled and unraveling. 

 

 

 

“I miss you, Clarke.” She chokes out, surprised at her own admission. 

 

“Lexa?”

 

Lexa looks up and studies Clarke’s face. 

 

“Did you go to the bakery across the city to get me this cannoli donut?”

 

She blushes and the frustration that was so hard in Clarke’s system dissipates. 

 

“You haven’t talked to me in what feels like forever and you were so cold at the hospital the other day, but you’re here early as fuck on a Saturday morning with a donut from that ridiculous bakery.”

 

“I…”

 

Clarke has never seen this side of Lexa and she softens immediately. Something weighs on her soul and even though Clarke hated the distance, Lexa is here now and torn up about something and she just needs to soothe it.

 

“Do you want some of this donut?”

 

“No, that’s yours.” 

 

Clarke takes a big bite and moans as the flavor bursts in her mouth. The hunger she quelled for most of her shift roaring back. She makes quick work of the pastry and studies Lexa’s demeanor for tells.

 

“You’re not sleeping?” she asks, dusting her hands to get rid of the powdered sugar that exploded as she ate.

 

Lexa shakes her head, solemnly looking at Clarke.

 

“You missed a spot,” she gestures to the corner of her own mouth.

 

And Clarke can’t take it anymore. Being this close to Lexa after too long apart. She closes the distance between them and asks for permission with her eyes before brushing a soft, tentative kiss against Lexa’s lips.

 

Lexa who seems to break against her and immediately opens her mouth, granting Clarke silent permission to kiss her the way she needs to be kissed.

 

And Clarke does. Forgets everything else but this kiss with this girl in this world.

 

She breaks away breathless, that need hot and alive in her blood. Lexa’s eyes are dark and serious. 

 

“Come on,” Clarke stands and holds her hand out for Lexa, offering her the choice.

 

They still need to talk, but this… this is easier. 

 

Reconnecting.

 

Feeling.

 

Lexa’s hand is warm and Clarke pulls her up and down the hall, closing her door and falling on her bed in a heap. Lexa’s dark eyes studying her face as she props herself above her.

 

“Clarke?”

 

“Shh…” Clarke twists her hands into Lexa’s long hair and pulls her back to her mouth.

 

It’s always been easier to read Lexa’s mind like this. To hear the thoughts that zoom around her beautiful head, to feel the words that sit heavily on her tongue. 

 

They unspool for Clarke in the heat, in the way their bodies move.

 

It’s slow and aching. 

 

Tender and wanting.

 

Unexpectedly beautiful. 

 

Their bodies spent and even more tired when they collapse back against the pillows. Lexa’s smile is wide, the apology still rife in her eyes. But Clarke can’t bear to see it. Not after that.

 

Not after Lexa was laid bare before her, soul and body.

 

She kisses Lexa’s swollen lips and hums into her neck as they curl up, slipping into an easy sleep.

 

Xx

 

Lexa is propped up in bed reading and stroking Clarke’s back when she wakes. The sight of her here naked, messy hair, content smile on her face, worms its way into Clarke’s system. 

 

“You’re still here.”

 

“I am.” Lexa shuts the book and slides back down. Clarke adjusts so they’re face to face, something weighing heavily on her.

 

“I’m sorry about blowing up at you that day in the bathroom. I was just,” she swallows, Lexa studying her face. “You took me by surprise sitting there. I’m not used to seeing you around the hospital and I hadn’t heard from you and I had too much coffee, and this is a fucking terrible apology.”

 

“Clarke,” Lexa brushes her thumb along Clarke’s cheek

 

“No, really Lexa. I was terrible. I don’t do that, that’s not me. Something just snapped.”

 

“You’re not wrong. I was dealing with something and instead of talking to you about it I shut you out. It’s been a long time since I’ve shared myself with anyone in this way. I might be a little rusty.”

 

“Well, I guess we have some things to talk about then.”

 

“I guess we do. Should I make us some coffee?”

 

Clarke groans, “Yes, please.”

 

Lexa attempts to crawl out of bed, but Clarke yanks her back. Pulls her back in for a kiss and flutters at Lexa’s smooth skin against her own. 

 

Xx

 

They finally make it out of bed and Lexa pulls on a shirt Clarke stole from her and cooks breakfast while they catch up.

 

Serious talk can wait until after they eat.

 

Clarke wraps herself around Lexa’s back as she cooks, kissing the bite she left on Lexa’s neck earlier. Apologizing with a soft mouth and whispered words.

 

And when the dishes are cleared and all that remains on the table are two mugs filled with fresh coffee, Clarke clears her throat.

 

“What is this?”

 

“Us?”

 

“Yes, this… us… I think that the reason I flipped out a little bit is because I don’t know what we are.”

 

“We’re us. We are enjoying our time together.” Lexa’s fingers wrap around her mug.

 

“Okay,” Clarke nods, clearly upset.

 

“Clarke, I should explain something to you, before we dive into the… _definition_ of things. When I started at the hospital and finished up my training I had to sign some documents. The usual things, NDAs and HIPAA and all of that fun stuff. But, I also had to sign a form stating that if I was to begin a relationship with anyone in the hospital, medical staff or otherwise, that I would disclose that information.”

 

“Meaning what exactly?”

 

“Meaning that you and I would have to tell both of our bosses about us.”

 

Clarke’s stomach sinks. “Well, shit.”

 

“Yes. Something like that.”

 

“Is that why you’ve been so weird?”

 

Lexa’s eyes shift again, into something softer. More familiar to Clarke. “Yes. I’m sorry for that, Clarke.”

 

Clarke wants to respond, but Lexa takes a breath and continues.

 

“I know how hard you’ve had it with the other interns, dealing with the weight of your mother’s legacy and just starting out. I don’t want to derail the progress you’ve made.”

 

Clarke falls in love with her right there. With the afternoon sun filtering through the window, and her old ratty club soccer shirt hanging off her lithe frame, and her eyes so earnest. The last remaining bit of Clarke’s resolve falters and she trips into the realization. 

 

“Lexa…”

 

She leaves her seat and dips down to kiss this impossible girl. 

 

Lexa pulls Clarke onto her lap and smiles into her neck. “I guess I should have talked to you about this sooner?”

 

“Yes. No one has ever looked out for me like that. Well, Raven. But, she doesn’t really count because we’ve been friends for practically forever.”

 

“Clarke, you know this means we have to still… keep things secret. And I still may get anxious about it from time to time.”

 

“I do. I know you, Lex. I see the way your brain whirls in there. I understand that we have to be careful. I don’t want to jeopardize your career either.”

 

“You wouldn’t be.” 

 

“Lexa, don’t think that your job is any less important than mine.”

 

“I don’t. But, it kind of is. You’re saving lives and you’re new. I’ve been at this for a little while.” She shrugs and Clarke’s heart nearly beats itself out of her chest.

 

Clarke stands up and stretches, not ready to fall back into Lexa’s arms and forget about everything else just yet. 

 

“So… what happens if someone finds out?”

 

“Then we cross that bridge when we get there.” Lexa’s voice sounds a little too hard for the moment they just shared.

 

“Lex, you’re telling me you’re just going to be flexible about this?”

 

She blushes, “I may have worked out some plans, but I don’t want to think about them too much.”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

Clarke takes a sip of her coffee and tangles her foot with Lexa’s under the table.

 

“Do you want to circle back to the definition portion of our day?”

 

“Do you, Lex?”

 

Lexa swallows hard, her eyes circle the room around them before they settle back on Clarke. “You are very special to me, Clarke. I told you on one of our first dates that I don’t do this often. But you, you are something I cannot get out of my system.”

 

And Clarke blooms again. This newly named, yet not new feeling of loving Lexa overflowing inside of her. 

 

“So, we are us… exclusively us, but quietly us.”

 

“If that’s alright with you?”

 

“Yes, it is.”

 

Lexa finally relaxes. Reaches over and tangles her fingers with Clarke’s as they rest on the table. 

 

“For the record, though. My coworkers are aware that I’m sleeping with someone.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“You’ve left some evidence behind, counselor.”

 

Lexa smirks, “I believe I have, you’re right.”

 

Xx

 

“I can’t believe it took all this weirdness to get you into my bed.” Clarke strokes the naked arm that rests across her belly. Lips gently kiss the skin on her neck and a warm breath dusts along her ear.

 

“You’ve had me in bed plenty of times.”

 

“Not  _ my _ bed, Woods.” She pinches Lexa’s arm and receives a nip just under her ear in response.

 

Lexa nips her jaw and playfully growls low in her throat. “Much easier to have my way with you when I live alone…”

 

“Oh? _Your_ way?” Clarke laughs and wrestles Lexa over, straddling her hips and watching Lexa’s eyes go wide at the skin on display. Never entirely tired of the reaction it garners.

 

Lexa laughs and that seals it.

 

Clarke, Clarke is wholeheartedly, foolishly, wonderfully in love with her.


	21. Chapter 21

"Are you sure you want me to stay? You do remember how early my alarm goes off for pre-rounds, right?" Clarke studies Lexa's clean face through the mirror as she pats it dry with a towel before bed.

"I do remember, yes."

"And you still want me here so I can groan and take too long to turn it off before the dawn can even think about coming?"

Lexa hums and leans into Clarke, "Sounds about right."

"Okay, well then no grumbling at me when your beauty sleep is disturbed."

Lexa drops playful kisses into her neck and wraps her arms around Clarke to keep her close, smiling at Clarke's giggles.

"I like you here, Clarke." Her eyes are twinkling and her cheeks are rosy and Clarke feels that new familiar wave of love wash over her.

"I like being here."

Clarke tugs Lexa back into bed, curling into her as they hit the sheets.

"We should tell them."

"Hmm?" Lexa's brow raises with confusion and Clarke would kiss it if she weren't too nervous about her next sentence.

"I've been thinking about what you said yesterday, and I think we should tell them. Disclose our relationship."

"You do?" Lexa sits up to look at Clarke more fully.

"I do. Telling Jaha and telling your boss won't change anything. It's not like I'm going to spread it around the hospital."

"Oh thank god," Lexa expels with a relieved sigh. Worry seeming to slice itself from her bones and Clarke has to laugh. Lexa merely shrugs at the look Clarke gives her and giggles a bit as well.

"Care to explain?"

"I wanted you to say that. I wanted… That's… I didn't want to force it."

Clarke laughs again, "Lex… I've been asking you what thing this is between us for months. You could have just told me what you wanted."

Lexa's brow furrows and she opens her mouth to speak before closing it again. Clarke reaches out and stills her hands from wringing themselves into knots. It breaks Lexa from her reverie and the look she sends Clarke is devastating.

"Are you sure?"

Clarke holds on to that glow that seems to have burrowed inside of her when she thinks about being in love with the girl next to her. "I am. I'm quite sure about you, Lex. Jaha will keep it quiet, and I'd rather be honest with him. Plus, if he hears it from my mom it'll be ten times worse."

"Your mom?"

"Yeah, they know each other." She shrugs and sinks onto her back.

Silence settles between them, but Clarke can practically hear Lexa's brain turning in her head.

"Clarke?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Why didn't you say so yesterday?"

"I didn't want to force it either, you seemed like you needed to get all your words out." She shrugs and this time they both laugh.

"What are we going to do with each other? We can't approach every big decision like this…"

Lexa finally settles herself next to Clarke and places a tender kiss on her lips, thumb brushing along Clarke's jaw.

"We'll think of something. Maybe we could try flipping a coin next time?" Lexa grins as Clarke pokes her side in jest, trying to stifle a yawn.

"We'll tell them. Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow."

 

Xx

 

Clarke's alarm goes off at the usual ungodly hour and Lexa mumbles something before turning over away from Clarke and curling into her pillow. She's still breathing evenly and Clarke smiles into a yawn as she swings her feet over the edge of the bed and gets ready for work.

She drops a kiss on Lexa's cheek before she leaves and feels warm at the hint of a smile she receives.

Pre-rounds are brutal and Indra is in a surly mood when she comes to collect her crew for their assignments. She barks her orders and Octavia swears under her breath as they scurry away towards the cardio wing.

When they get there, the attending is yelling orders and rushing a gurney down the hallway, looking over his shoulder for Octavia and Clarke to follow.

It's a one of a kind surgery. Even from the back of the room, with an obstructed field of vision.

Octavia gets pulled forward, gets questions rapid fire, the next coming before she can finish her last.

She looks at Clarke with wide, nervous eyes over her mask the entire time. She does something right because she's handed the clamp to position in the open body cavity.

Clarke flames with jealousy and pride all at once.

It's a one of a kind surgery and it lasts for hours.

She's running on the rush of adrenaline only when they finally scrub out. Octavia's smile is brilliant and she looks in a daze, and Clarke knows she won't live down the high maybe ever.

It's late when she finds her gear again, her phone battery low in the pocket of her lab coat.

Missed texts from Raven, her mother. Lexa.

Her heart flutters and she opens those first.

The good morning. The random check in. The I'm going to tell my boss we're together. The you must be in surgery so have a good day.

Her stomach plummets.

She walks away from Octavia and presses Lexa's name, calling her instead of texting.

"Hi," Lexa's voice is like a hug, even through the phone.

"Hi." Clarke can't hide her smile.

"How was your surgery?"

"It was amazing and I will tell you all about it soon, but… how did it go?"

"I didn't tell him."

"Why not?"

"I didn't hear from you and I want to make sure we are still on the same page. Plus, I didn't know if you wanted to come and sit with me when I do."

Clarke's heart flutters again. That familiar warmth wrapping around Clarke.

"Lexa, of course I'm still on the same page."

"Good."

Clarke smiles again, "Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow. So, your surgery…"

Clarke laughs and starts at the beginning of her day, weaving through the drama and the adrenaline for her girl on the phone.

 

Xx

 

The bed in the on call room is lumpy and Murphy is snoring in the bunk below hers and there's a weird clicking sound coming from inside the walls and all Clarke wants is to be in Lexa's bed.

With Lexa.

She stares at the tiles on the ceiling unable to sleep even though her body is exhausted.

Bursting with the energy she feels now whenever she remembers that buzz that exists inside her body.

That buzz of love.

It's new and exciting.

And she doesn't remember ever feeling this way about anyone.

And it's a whole big feeling that she doesn't quite know what to do with, but she's hoping Lexa will help her handle the load. The wave washes off of her again and she closes her eyes to imagine that soft look Lexa always has when they climb into bed ready to sleep.

She slips off before she even realizes it.

 

Xx

 

Pre-rounds are rough. Her crew is all cranky from little sleep and hard cases this week, and Clarke almost strangles Murphy.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket and it's Lexa returning the good morning text Clarke sent before the sun. The one she hoped didn't wake her girlfriend as soon as she hit send.

 _Girlfriend_.

She turns the word over in her brain a few times, trying to stop the grin she can feel from spreading across her face and failing completely.

She sneaks a quick grumpy face selfie and shoots it off to Lexa before rounding the corner to note the charts for the patients she was in charge of overnight. Indra will be in soon for rounds and she would like to start the day off on the right foot.

Her phone buzzes again, rattles next to her notebook and she pulls it out. Lexa's sleepy smile greets her, frazzled waves spread across her pillow and a look of bliss on her face. Clarke's heart kickstarts in her chest and her stomach swoops and shit, she's gorgeous.

_Wish I was there with you, beautiful._

The three ellipses pop up as soon as she hits send. The reply coming quick. Clarke bites her own lip in anticipation.

_Wish you were here, too. Although, it was nice not having your alarm go off…._

_Yeah, yeah, I'll remember that next time you beg me to stay the night before a shift._

_Please do, I'll need to weigh that disturbance against sharing the bed with a blanket thief who likes to snuggle before I make my decision._

Clarke's face flares red with her blush and she bites her lip again.

_As if there is any competition, really._

She sends a wink emoji and puts the phone back in her pocket, needing to get the charts out of the way in the next few minutes before Indra storms through the floor. Her phone buzzes again in her pocket, but she ignores it until she can give Lexa her full attention.

"There you are! What the fuck are you doing all the way over here?" Octavia finds her, a stack of her own charts in her arms and a grimace on her face. She sets them on the abandoned windowsill next to Clarke and adjusts her ponytail.

"Trying to get these charts set for Indra. I'd rather not have her bitch me out again today."

Octavia rolls her eyes and swings up to sit next to her charts, opening the first one to flip through it.

"Star student can't handle being called out once a week, alert the presses."

"Oh, fuck off. I'm not the star student."

"Sure you are." She looks up and levels a glare at Clarke. "And if you say you're not, I'm going to punch you so fucking hard you'll have a bruise for weeks."

"Whatever you say, O. I wasn't the one that got to hold an artery closed yesterday so…."

At that, Octavia puffs up with pride. "Damn straight you didn't."

They settle after that, the only sound shared between them pens scratching against paper, and flipping pages. When both pagers go off, Clarke sighs and Octavia hops down. "Let's go, the sooner we get this over with the sooner we can get away from her."

Clarke scribbles a few more notes in the last chart and quickly chases after Octavia.

 

Xx

 

Indra seems in a less foul mood than she was the day before and dismisses them quickly, anxious to get to her own patients. Clarke pulls her phone from her pocket to check the time and notes three new texts from Lexa, sent only moments prior.

She smiles and feels warm all over when she reads the last one.

_Meet me by the good coffee cart?_

She looks up and finds Octavia deep in discussion with Monty outside of the last patient room, so she quickly makes her escape, butterflies taking over her empty belly.

When she finally climbs the last staircase into the large, open lobby, she finds Lexa standing tall and regal just off to the side of the coffee cart. A smile overtakes her before she can think anything of it and gets bigger as Lexa finally sees her. Eyes brightening up and her own smile blooming on her face. She moves closer to the stairs and waits for Clarke to descend the last few.

Clarke feels like jumping into her arms, her heart nearly leaping out of her chest.

"Hi," she gasps, breathless and ecstatic.

"Hi." Lexa's voice is quiet, her eyes scanning Clarke's face. Lingering on her lips. "Can I buy you some coffee?"

"She knows the way to my heart, yes she does," Clarke teases, runs her fingers along Lexa's wrist for a moment, feeling the pulse fluttering there and rivaling her own. "I'll even let you buy me a scone. I haven't eaten anything in ages." She steps closer to Lexa turning her and guiding her back to the short line that's formed at the cart.

Sees the way green eyes sparkle, look at her with a new depth.

Lexa stands in front of her, a shade too close for public but Clarke cannot find it in herself to care or to move. She's missed Lexa and she feels like an idiot because it's only been a day.

And yet, she craves more.

Always more.

Lexa orders and stands to the side, waiting for Clarke to order before handing over her card. Clarke closes the distance again while they wait for their lattes, her shoulder brushing against Lexa's, her thoughts running away with her. Wondering if she has time to pull Lexa into a storage closet to give her the kiss she's been thinking about all morning.

All day, really.

The soft kind of kiss that turns into something wet and dirty.

She doesn't hear Lexa's question, not until Lexa gently nudges her and repeats it with a smirk on her face as if she knew exactly what Clarke was thinking about.

"Hmm?" Eyes zero in on pouty lips.

Lexa chuckles, "I said, how do your cases look today?"

That flutter is back in her belly, alive with Lexa's interest in her work. "Too soon to tell. I have a few holdovers from yesterday to keep an eye on and at least one scheduled procedure this afternoon."

Lexa opens her mouth to ask another question when she's abruptly cut off.

"Dude, what the fuck today? You keep disappearing on me." Octavia waltzes up to the cart and orders before turning her attention back to Clarke. "Did you know what was going on with that woman Monty had to watch all night?"

Her eyes slide to Lexa for a long beat as she shoves her wallet back in her scrubs. Clarke feels Lexa step away, putting more distance between them and aching at the loss of it.

"Yeah, he told me about it last night before I went to the on-call room. I told him to page me if he needed me."

The barista calls out the name of the man who ordered before them in line, and Clarke feels her anxiety spike. Lexa will have no reason to stay once she gets her latte.

Not with Octavia here and talking to Clarke.

"Indra was surprisingly easy on him this morning…"

Clarke nods, watching the hot espresso get poured into the paper cup that bears Lexa's name.

Octavia continues to ramble next to her, but all Clarke can pay attention to is Lexa and the distance that grows between them. Lexa in tight gray slacks and an emerald button down that brings out the green of her eyes. The blazer over her shoulders form fitting and cut to perfection.

Clarke imagines throwing it to the floor of the on-call room in a heap and having her way with Lexa.

She's pulled from her thoughts again within the span of fifteen minutes by Octavia's pager going off loudly next to her, met with a groan.

"Shit. I thought I'd actually get to my coffee today. Can you bring that up to Monty, he could probably use it. I gotta run to the OR."

"Yeah, you got it. I'll find you later."

"You better."

She's gone in a flash and then it's just the two of them again. Clarke finds Lexa already looking at her with that small grin.

"What?"

"Your work friends seem intense," she teases.

"Says the girl who looks like she'd kick someone off a tower just for pissing her off on any given day."

Lexa shrugs, "Work hard, play hard."

The barista calls out her name and Clarke laughs. "Speaking of work hard, when are you due in?"

"I may or may not have gotten here a little bit earlier than usual today."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"I heard this is the best place to get coffee in the hospital and I had to beat the crowds." Her eyebrow quirks as she plays along.

Clarke exaggeratedly looks around the lobby, empty but for a few hospital employees making their way in. The sun still low in the morning sky. "Good choice, it's slammed here today."

"Totally. Plus, there's this hot doctor who lets me into her scrubs every once in awhile if I get on her good side." Lexa leans in and says it just loud enough for Clarke to hear.

Her stomach flips and her cheeks burn. She sees the barista look up with a smile.

"Trying to make me jealous, Woods?" Clarke pulls her eyes from Lexa's mouth and clears her throat.

"Hardly." Lexa's voice is still low and she winks at Clarke before stepping back and accepting Clarke's latte from the barista. "So… is today the day?"

"The day?" She tries to blink away lusty thoughts.

"You really need this coffee today." Lexa jokes and hands it over. "Remember what we talked about the other day?"

"Ah, yes. _Today_. I believe I can grab Jaha for a sit down."

"Alright, you'll text me when you do? There'll be a form to sign."

"Of course."

"Good. You can buy me coffee next time to celebrate." She grins again and Clarke hopes she never gets tired of the way it makes her insides nearly melt.

Octavia's doppio espresso comes up quickly, and Clarke grabs it. Lexa dutifully waits for her to turn around and pretends to look embarrassed about checking out Clarke's ass in her scrubs.

"Wanna walk me back over?"

 

Xx

 

Lexa makes the softest noise in her ear as Clarke trails her lips down the long, strong column of neck before her. Unbuttoning two buttons and sliding her tongue over collarbones, delighted at Lexa's pulse thundering just under her skin.

"Clarke…" Lexa gasps, her fingers digging into Clarke's shoulders.

"Hmm," Clarke hums, working her way back up the other side of Lexa's neck.

"I have a meeting in ten minutes." Her voice is husky and deep, sends a thrill down Clarke's spine right to the core of her.

"I can do a lot in ten minutes." She redoubles her efforts, nipping at Lexa's defined jaw, hands gripping at Lexa's ass.

Lexa groans, loud and unrestrained. Clarke _lives_ for it.

"I know, _fuck_ … I know you can, but I have to get all the way across the hospital."

Clarke leaves one last lingering kiss on the underside of Lexa's jaw before pulling herself away, thinking she deserves a goddamn gold medal for her restraint in this moment. Lexa's face is flushed and her pupils blown and she looks like a goddess even in the shitty lighting of the supply closet.

"You've got long legs, I have faith that you'll make it." She buttons Lexa's shirt again and straightens the blazer, running her hands along the lapels.

Lexa is still too distracted to joke, her eyes trained on Clarke's lips even though her phone chirps with the appointment alert. Clarke leans in and gives her a soft peck, closing the door on this moment.

"Go, don't be late." She shoves Lexa gently in the shoulder to put some distance between them. "I'll text you later."

 

Xx

 

Finding time to sit down with Jaha is easier than Clarke thought. Or perhaps it's a little bit of goodwill shown by the universe in this moment of time, her reward for restraint in the storage closet.

They have made it through their pleasantries and now he sits and calmly waits for her to explain her visit, fingers steepled in front of him on the desk.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket and she knows it's Lexa wishing her luck.

"Sir, there's something I'd like to disclose to you, and before I do I want to know that you will not tell my mother."

His brow furrows and he sits back in his chair. "Is something wrong, Clarke?"

"No," she shakes her head, her voice wobbly and tight. She clears her throat and thinks about this morning. "No, in fact, it's just the opposite." She feels the smile threaten and takes a breath to pull her professional mask back down. "It's simply something I would like to discuss with my mother in due time."

"Clarke, does this have something to do with your work here at the hospital? I hope you're not switching specialties on me."

"No, no. I, um," she blushes and forces herself to continue. "I met someone actually. Someone who works here in the hospital and I need to formally disclose the relationship."

"Ah, I see." His face falls and she can't help but feel disappointment claw at her. "Well, I suppose that is good news, Clarke."

"Why do I sense a but coming?" Her professionalism drops away again and suddenly it's not her boss before her, but one of her mother's oldest friends. He looks away and out the large window behind her for a moment, gathering his thoughts. Her stomach knots itself into a ball.

"When you told your mother and I that you were going to pursue medicine, I was thrilled. I know your mother had always hoped that you would follow in her footsteps and I know after your father died things looked bleak. You've worked so hard for this, Clarke. You worked _so hard_ to get through that and to get to this point. I would hate to see anything get in the way of your success now. You could be great."

Feelings lodge themselves in the back of her throat with his words. The memory of her father being pulled out and used in a way to make her feel… what _is_ he trying to make her feel?

"With all due respect, Sir, I understand your thoughts, but I am coming to you as an employee, not a family friend." Her hackles rise and she struggles to tamp down the anger. "I am telling you this information because it is required by the law and by the hospital. I am not telling you for your opinion or your judgment. If you have any doubts about my ability to focus, then you can bring them to me but only after it becomes an issue."

He seems taken aback by her answer, but she notices the way he switches back into chief mode.

"Very well." He stands and opens a drawer, sifting through folders until he draws out a single page. His pen moves swiftly as he signs it before handing it over. "You both need to sign this and file it with HR. Both departments will be notified of it's completion."

"Yes, we are working on that." She takes the form and notices it's simplicity. Almost laughs at the two short paragraphs and the remaining empty lines that sit at the bottom waiting to be signed by her, Lexa and Lexa's boss. A small box rests in the corner to be validated by HR. "Thank you."

She almost makes it to the door before he calls her back.

"Clarke, are you happy?"

She smiles, unable to contain it. "Very."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I know... I make no excuses or apologies, I just hope you're all still with me.


	22. Chapter 22

"So, is this going to be a habit?" Lexa gasps out, hands holding Clarke closer as her mouth works its way down a slowly opening shirt, kissing each new inch of skin revealed with each button undone.

"If you want it to be," Clarke husks, looks up at Lexa and with every intention plain as day. Smiles as Lexa throws her head back against the wall and swallows hard.

"Clarke-" she warns when Clarke nips the skin around her bellybutton, inches away from where she wants to be, but getting closer.

Clarke hums her answer, pulling the last bit of shirt from Lexa's pencil skirt and sliding her hands up bare torso, fingers dusting over inked skin.

"Don't start something you're not going to finish." Lexa's eyes are hooded and her breathing rapid, and Clarke doesn't think she's ever seen anyone so beautiful. Her lips are more swollen than usual and Clarke needs to feel them against her own again.

She dips her tongue into Lexa's mouth, wet and dirty, pulling a moan from her girlfriend that slices through her. Pushing Lexa up against the door harder and sliding her skirt up her long legs.

"Don't look so hot at work and we won't have this problem."

Lexa bites her ear and drags her blunt fingernails down the back of Clarke's neck sending another jolt straight through Clarke. She groans and pushes against Lexa harder, needing to feel bare skin on bare skin.

It all comes crashing to a halt when Clarke's pager blares in the tiny space. A needy whine escapes from Lexa's throat and  _oh god_  that whine makes Clarke kiss her harder, but the pager is insistent even though hands and lips had other plans.

A frustrated growl rips from Clarke as she takes a step back from the temptation before her.

" _Of fucking course_ , every time I get you for five minutes," She mutters, reaching down to the floor where her lab coat and scrub top are in a pile. The pagerflashes the code and her adrenaline kicks into gear again, albeit for a very different reason.

Lexa hands over her scrub top and Clarke pulls it on, sending Lexa an apologetic look as soon as her head is free. She reaches over and helps Lexa button herself back up, placing a soft kiss on her cheek. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Go do your thing, doctor."

"I get out tonight…."

Lexa's eyebrow quirks up, a hint of a smile on her lips. "Noted."

 

Xx

 

As if by some miracle, Clarke gets out of work on time when her shift ends. Well, on time in doctor speak which means only an hour later than she should. She races for the locker room to change quickly, her mind on one thing and one thing only, and wishing she had worn a cuter outfit when she went in.

"Griffin? You coming to the bar tonight?" Murphy trudges through the door, looking worse for wear than she's seen in a long time.

"No," she shakes her head and swipes another round of deodorant on.

"Dude, come on! It's been too long." He throws his dirty scrub top in the hamper and disappears behind the row of lockers. "You know how Octavia gets."

"Don't care, busy." She yanks her bag out of her locker and switches out her shoes as quickly as she can. When she stands, she runs her hands through her hair, attempting to calm it back into something resembling relaxed waves and not the frizzy mess that greets her in the mirror.

"Christ, you're getting boring as fuck, you know that right?"

"Sure," she responds, distracted by the taste of Lexa's skin that still sits on her lips even after a whole day apart. She slams her locker with finality and rounds the corner, reaching for the door handle. Murphy simply looks at her with veiled disgust on his face.

"Enjoy your hot date, then?" he snarks, shaking his head.

"Oh, I will." She winks and is out the door before Octavia can find her.

She's just rounding the corner to Lexa's when the texts come in. She smiles at the colorful language Octavia has pulled together, sending a winking emoji back and turning off her phone.

 

Xx

 

Lexa buzzes her in immediately and the door is propped open and waiting for her when she climbs the stairs. A delicious smell wafts into the hallway and her mouth waters for an entirely new reason as she steps into the apartment.

"Lex?"

"Kitchen!" Lexa calls.

It smells divine and suddenly Clarke is hungrier than she realized. She slides off her shoes and sets her bag down, before wandering into the kitchen. Lexa stands with her back to Clarke, stirring something on the stove.

She stands and watches for a second, the sight sending the butterflies into overdrive in her belly. Lexa has a striped apron wrapped around her, and it's more adorable than Clarke could have imagined. Finally, it's too hard to not touch any longer and she closes the distance, wrapping her arms around Lexa's trim waist.

"Hi," she breathes into skin, dropping a chaste peck on the back of Lexa's neck.

"Hi." Lexa turns her head just enough to see Clarke, her smile soft and sitting so deeply in her cheeks that Clarke's fingers squeeze around hips ever so slightly. "You actually got out kind of on time."

"I did," Clarke hums, and noses along Lexa's neck. "What are you making me?"

"Paella."

"Paella? That's fancy…"

"It is." Lexa leans back the tiniest amount and Clarke's heart skips a beat. The exhaustion from the long shift at the hospital already dripping away.

"Any specific reason?"

"Do I need a reason to cook my girl a fancy dinner?" Lexa plays along, turning her head again to eye Clarke.

And Clarke's heart nearly flips out of her chest at that.

"I suppose not, no." She drops another kiss on the hinge of Lexa's jaw.

Lexa places the lid on the pot and turns the gas down, nudging Clarke to the side, so she can step away from the stove and spin around. Her long arms circle around Clarke's neck and she pulls her in for a soft, deep, kiss.

"That has to sit for a while…." She leans in and captures Clarke's lips again, her tongue dragging along Clarke's lip and asking for permission. Clarke gives it, finally feeling whole again after their interruption in the morning.

"I've been thinking about you all day." She pulls away to nip along Lexa's collarbones.

"Oh? What about?" Lexa's tightens her hold in Clarke's hair and keeps her lips on skin.

"About making you moan for me."

Lexa does, before pulling Clarke back up to her mouth and kissing her with weight and meaning. And it all turns into what Clarke had hoped it would- her hands work at the apron strings knotted around Lexa, pulling them apart, breaking away to breathe and rip the apron over wavy hair.

Lexa's eyes are dark and hooded again, and she's looking at Clarke with pure need on her face. Clarke feels it everywhere, pausing for another breath to look, before claiming those lips again for herself.

Lexa's pants slide easily down her long legs, and Clarke musters the strength to break away from Lexa's mouth only to kneel and tug the pants off her feet one by one.

"Clarke," Lexa growls, her hand stroking Clarke's face and knotting in her hair again.

"Shhh… let me finish what I started this morning…"

Lexa doesn't speak again as Clarke removes the last remaining barrier, her lips caressing the skin on Lexa's thighs. Her hair tugged and pulled with one hand while the other grips onto the counter for dear life.

She doesn't tease, she simply sinks into Lexa, moaning with relief and smirking up through long lashes as Lexa holds her gaze and watches Clarke's tongue work through her.

And when it's too much, she throws her head back and Clarke enjoys the way the muscles in her long neck tighten with her pleasure, how she gasps in that certain way before her body freezes. How her knees buckle, and the only thing keeping her upright is Clarke's strong hold on her hips.

How she sighs so completely content as she slides down to the floor to pull Clarke into a sweaty, messy kiss.

And how she climbs over Clarke and pushes her down onto the cool kitchen floor with a devilish smirk on her lips.

 

Xx

 

They eat slightly overdone paella on the tiled floor of the kitchen, hair messy and clothes haphazard and strewn about the room, smiling around bites of food like goons.

"What?" Clarke catches Lexa looking at her with a certain sweetness. There is a hot blush that creeps up the back of Clarke's neck.

"You're beautiful," Lexa says quietly. Gently. She leans in to pull Clarke into a sweet kiss that tastes like dinner and like Lexa.

And Clarke, Clarke cannot help but blush like a madwoman when Lexa pulls away and takes another bite of her food. That sweetness still present in her eyes.

It feels like something else.

 

Xx

 

It's supposed to get easier, not having to hide from her bosses. Not having to hide from  _their_  bosses.

But it doesn't.

It's still clandestine. It's still secretive.

It's still… a thing.

There is still hiding in random closets and rooms and hallways to sneak in a dirty makeout when Clarke's shifts stretch into ungodly hours. And there are still small meetups for coffee where they act like polite strangers. Looks in the cafeteria and by the vending machine near Lexa's office.

No one else knows. None of her peers, none of Lexa's. Just the people who need to know.

And it's fine, it's… fine.

It is what it is and it is what it has to be.

At least she doesn't have to worry about any other policies or fucking anything up for Lexa.

She only has to worry about Octavia hot on her tail and Murphy poking around. For some reason that Clarke cannot explain, they have taken an even keener interest in where she disappears off to after every shift.

"I spend 80 hours a week with you fuckers, why on earth would I sign up for  _more_  time? I barely get through that without wanting to punch you."

"She doth protest too much," Murphy retorts. His hair is greasier than ever and his shirt smells like puke. He's too close for her own comfort and she has a hot date tonight. Lexa is taking her out somewhere. Some cocktail thing for… Clarke doesn't know. She tuned out after Lexa said it was dressy and she was going to leave work early to get ready. Clarke is already running late, because of course she is.

Because she's an intern at a busy hospital and she will never be on time for anything in the next few years.

But Lexa, Lexa seems to have the patience for it. So far.

"Griffin, you owe us a round of beers from last time." Octavia grunts in the corner, hiking her boots on.

"I don't."

"You do, we beat you and Monty at darts and that was the deal. You just don't remember because it's been like a month."

"Well, I'm busy tonight. And already running late."

"Yeah, busy shacking up with your vampire."

"Haters gonna hate, Blake." Clarke grabs her bag and slams her locker, hoping she has time to dry her hair. She was going to pull it up tonight, but time is ticking. Octavia moves in front of her and raises an eyebrow in challenge.

"We're supposed to be a team, you haven't been around."

"Please stop pouting. I hear you and I'll work on it, but I'm seriously so fucking late, guys."

Octavia stares her down for a long tick of seconds. It feels like an eternity, but Clarke rises to the challenge. She knows she owes them more time, needs to be friends with these people for her own sanity, even if they are technically competition in some way.

They really are a team.

The other girl finally relents and Clarke breezes past, typing out a quick message to Lexa as she scoots down the hall.

 

Xx

 

Lexa meets her at the apartment just as Raven is helping Clarke dry her hair, while she applies the last swipe of mascara to her eyes. Her feet are killing her and her back is so sore she doesn't know how she's standing up straight, but when Lexa walks in looking like a dream, it all fades away.

Clarke's jaw drops open. It's all wavy hair and tight pants and a dressy white form-fitting shirt tucked in, underneath a perfectly tailored blazer. Her shoes are shiny and her eyeliner is perfect and she is stunning.

"Wow…" Clarke breathes out. Tries to turn, but Raven nudges her forward.

"I need one more minute, Clarkey. Then you can jump your girl," she sasses, turning to Lexa. "Almost ready, hot stuff. Go wait in the kitchen."

Lexa eyes Clarke's frame. The navy blue dress that hugs her curves. The lipstick that goes around her mouth in the mirror. Her eyes get wide and she nods, distracted and entirely smitten. She disappears down the hall and Clarke wills her breathing to steady.

Raven finishes and pops open the hairspray, covering Clarke in a fine mist. She stops and smacks Clarke on the cheek, opening the medicine cabinet and grabbing Clarke's perfume out before exiting.

"You guys are gonna have some great fucking sex tonight and I am insanely jealous."

"Oh my god, will you stop?" Clarke admonishes but blushes nonetheless. She's already debated on talking Lexa out of wherever it is they're going and taking her straight to bed.

"Truth hurts, babe. Don't bring that shit back here, I needs my beauty sleep." She winks as she departs. Clarke can hear her saying something to Lexa and cackling and she sincerely hopes Raven behaved herself.

Clarke spritzes herself with perfume and steps into the heels she's left off for as long as possible. With Lexa on her mind, they don't hurt as much as they should. After her feet have been encased in her sneakers all day, and running through linoleum hallways. There's an unsettling numbness now.

She takes one last look at herself in the mirror, adjusts her dress and smooths out her skirt and leaves the bathroom.

Lexa's eyes go wide, again, when she spots Clarke. It's thrilling.

"Ready?" Clarke interjects before Raven can open her mouth again.

Lexa clears her throat. Clarke cuts her eyes to Raven quickly before finding Lexa's again. "Yeah. You look… you look great, Clarke."

"So do you, babe." Clarke reaches out for Lexa, hand landing on her waist and sliding up her jacket. "Where are we going again?" she whispers, hedging into Lexa's space. Closer to her mouth.

"It's a charity benefit for my old boss, he volunteers and puts on this benefit every year to raise money. I used to help when I worked at that firm."

"Gotcha." Clarke leans up and drops a soft kiss on pouty lips. "We better get going or we're not going anywhere."

"Have fun kids," Raven snarks from the fridge. The beer can in her hand makes a satisfying sound as she pops it open. "Go raise money and then go back to your sex den."

Lexa's cheeks redden so quickly, Clarke wants to giggle.

"Have fun with your jealousy and rage, I'm sure they'll keep you good company tonight." Clarke doesn't take her eyes off Lexa even as she addresses Raven.

"Always do," Raven raises her beer can and takes a long sip.

Clarke picks up the clutch that she left on the table and swings her arm through Lexa's elbow, tugging her to the door. "I need to show you off," she whispers under her breath, wanting to kiss Lexa the way she needs to.

 

Xx

 

The benefit is in full swing when they arrive. Not too late, but later than Clarke knows Lexa had planned. She squeezes Lexa's hand in silent apology as they head inside, offering a small smile. Lexa only has dark eyes and a smirk for her. Something tells Clarke they won't be here long.

She's pulled into handshakes and conversations almost as soon as they walk in the door and her hand on Clarke's back remains steady through it all. She smiles and introduces Clarke as her brilliant doctor girlfriend and that makes Clarke's stomach fall to her feet and heart want to leap out of her chest.

The smile when she says it, and how she looks at Clarke each time, nearly slays her right there.

Clarke grabs two glasses of bubbly off a passing tray and hands one to Lexa while she chats with someone or other, Clarke doesn't remember the name. Too many names, too little food, way too little sleep in the past 48 hours.

A tray of mini lobster rolls makes its way slowly over to them, and Clarke snags a couple, offering one to Lexa who politely shakes it off with a smile. She's gotta be hungry, but she's so damn kind she's probably saving Clarke the trouble of sharing her food.

Clarke is always a certain kind of ravenous as soon as her scrubs come off and she leaves the hospital. Once she has the time to realize she needs food, the hunger becomes all-encompassing.

They're finally able to break away and move to the bar, in their own little world for a few minutes.

Lexa drops a kiss on her temple as they wait for the bartender to greet them. "Thank you for coming, I know you've had a long week."

Clarke leans into her and takes a deep breath, happy in this moment. She is exhausted and she is hungry and she's perpetually stressed. But right now, right in this instant, she is elated.

"Anytime, Lex." She runs a hand along Lexa's shoulders and places a soft kiss on her cheek. Waiting for green eyes to find hers. "I like being your plus one."

"I like you as my plus one."

"Good," she smirks. Wants to kiss Lexa for real but waits. Waits until they're back home and back in their own bubble.

The bartender finally slides down the bar to take their order and breaks the spell anyway.

"Plus, you look super hot. I'm so glad you're on my arm tonight." Clarke doesn't hide the playful husk in her voice.

"You should look in a mirror before you say that, Clarke. You are beautiful.  _And_  you pulled someone's guts back together today."

"What does that have to do with anything," Clarke laughs.

"You're astonishing." She says it low and quiet. It's so truthful and honest. Her eyes widen when they say it and she looks scared at the admission until her face relaxes in a breath, into that same calm smile she always seems to have in Clarke's presence.

Clarke does kiss her then. Loops an arm around her shoulders and pulls her in. They're the same height, with Clarke in heels and Lexa in polished oxfords, and it's thrilling.

"Shit, you're fucking dreamy, Lex. Seriously…  _dreamy_ ," Clarke breathes when they stop.

It was short and decidedly sweet, but full of promise.

Promise for later and promise for the future.

Lexa just giggles and squeezes Clarke's hips, where her hands have come to rest. "That doesn't sound like a compliment when you say it like that."

"Well, it is." She pulls away and takes a sip of the cocktail waiting in front of her.

"Let's make a couple rounds and then we can leave. I know you're hungry."

"I am, but I'm more inclined to leave and do something else right now."

"That can be arranged, Doctor." Lexa raises an eyebrow and Clarke tries to match it. To play coy. But she is too charmed.

"Let's get moving then, Woods." She pushes Lexa gently away from the bar and they both smile, ready to rejoin the party and put in their time.

 

Xx

 

"Oh my god, Lex," Clarke groans.

Lexa smiles at her and leans closer. "Made the right call, then, yeah?"

Clarke swallows, in heaven.

The burger tastes better than it has any right to. And Lexa is looking at her with a gleam in her eye and a pleased smirk on her face as she tools around with the straw that sits in her milkshake.

"So good," Clarke answers around another bite. The burger will be gone in mere seconds, but she doesn't care. She's sitting in a fancy dress on a date with her dreamy, dreamy, girlfriend  _and_  attacking a double cheeseburger like a rabid animal.

But, it's the first substantial meal she's had in… well, too long to remember.

And when Lexa had placed her hand on the small of Clarke's back and led her out of the benefit, with promises of food and a Tasty Burger around the corner, she wasn't going to fight it.

Lexa watches with amusement. Stealing fries off Clarke's tray and sipping slowly at her strawberry milkshake.

"I should be embarrassed about this, I realize, but I'm really not."

"Why would you be embarrassed?"

"Because I'm demolishing this burger, messily I might add, in the middle of a date."

"Clarke." Lexa rolls her eyes and smiles. "You're just… ridiculous."

"Don't I know it, babe." She reaches out and takes a sip of the milkshake. It's cold and thick and wonderful. Lexa snags another fry and munches on it. Clarke longs to lean over and taste the salt on her lips.

"What time do you go in tomorrow?" she asks quietly.

"I don't," Clarke says before taking a large bite.

"A day off?"

"Mhm," Clarke chews. "I was hoping I could persuade you to go to brunch with me."

"Brunch, huh?"

"Yeah, brunch. You're familiar, right? You should be. I was one of your moves."

"It was not a move."

"It was  _such_  a move, Lex."

Lexa blushes, caught in the game and in the truth she knows Clarke knows. "Two dates in twelve hours? You sure you can handle that, Griffin?"

"Oh, I can. And I will. The question is, are you sure  _you_ can handle it?"

"Bring it on." Her eyes glint. She takes another sip of milkshake as Clarke pops the last bite of burger in her mouth and chews it. The fries are mostly gone now, split between them.

"Let's get out of here, Lexa," Clarke husks out, finally full and ready to spend some quality time with her favorite person.

 

Xx

 

They take their time, once they get back.

Slow. Steady.

Languid kisses that stretch into more.

It's hot. Clarke can't deny it.

The way Lexa undresses her, doesn't let her increase the pace of groping hands and wandering mouths.

She has to take her own time unbuttoning Lexa's shirt. Pulling it from her pants and spreading it open to reveal her tight stomach and her bra.

By the time they're fully naked and Lexa is on top of her, Clarke is ready to implode. Lexa must be able to sense it because she gives in to the clawing on her shoulders and the muffled whimpers that get swallowed in their kisses and moves her hand where Clarke needs it.

"Mouth." Clarke pulls away from Lexa's lips and ducks to avoid her next kiss. "I need your mouth," she says.

Lexa's eyes get darker, she keeps her hand where it is for another moment, and Clarke's hips rise up to meet her. But then she's kissing her way down, stopping to pay attention to Clarke's breasts and hips.

Clarke watches her go, even more turned on at the sight of Lexa working her way to the apex of her thighs.

She looks up. Locks eyes with Clarke as her mouth descends.

The moan that leaves Clarke's throat is guttural, almost a sob.

Lexa works her up quickly, expertly. Broad long strokes, perfect pressure, and when she dips inside, when she dips inside Clarke's toes curl.

She's not going to last much longer. Not like this and not after thinking about it all day. But she doesn't want to break yet.

They have all night with each other and no responsibilities in the morning but, this perfect in between… she wants it to last longer.

But with one long lick and just a little bit of extra pressure she's gone. Floating on a cloud, grounding herself in Lexa, hands twisted in her long hair.

Lexa moves up her body with a rakish smile on her face. Clarke can barely breathe as it is, but with Lexa looking like  _that_  it's even harder.

She pulls her down for a kiss and tastes herself. It's sloppy and barely even a kiss with their breathing still heavy. But it sets Clarke's soul on fire.

She flips their positions and looks down at Lexa below her with an impish grin of her own.

Nights like this are thrilling. No matter how tired and exhausted they both are. How stressed or beat down. They always have time for  _this_.

And while Clarke has gotten a second wind from her burger, and the orgasm Lexa just gave her, and the fact that they have all night, she doesn't want to wait. She sets to work and runs her hand through Lexa, swooning at the way her girlfriend keens below her and tightens her grip on her shoulder.

 

Xx

 

Clarke can tell Lexa is already awake when she finally stirs. The sounds from the street make their way up to her ears and the heat trapped under the sheets feels too warm, pulling her up from slumber.

She's wrapped around Lexa. Her strong back pressed against Clarke. Slim hips sitting between hers. Skin warm and soft in the morning glow.

Clarke places a few kisses on the top ridge of Lexa's spine. Burrowing there and taking a deep, steadying breath.

"Why didn't you wake me?" She mutters into skin.

"I wasn't up long. Dozing on and off, and you needed it."

Lexa's voice has Clarke's favorite quality. It's honeyed and husky in the morning, but so soft and quiet. Hesitant to break into the day and break the spell of sleep.

Clarke hums and burrows again. Lips finding skin. The body against hers tightens in anticipation. Her hand around Lexa's waist flexes and she feels more than hears the stutter in her breathing.

"Are you starved?"

"No-" it's short. Rushed.

Clarke uses her hand on Lexa's waist to guide her back. "Good, because we don't get to do this enough." She kisses neck. Runs her hand up Lexa's stomach and stops just below her breast.

"Wake up together?" Lexa's voice pitches higher and Clarke's blood races.

"Have good, slow morning sex," she answers and moves her hand up, cupping Lexa and feeling skin pebble against her palm.

Lexa's eyes get darker and her gaze hasn't moved from Clarke's lips. She waits for Clarke to close the distance though. Content to be at the behest of Clarke's whims and mercy.

 

Xx

 

By the time they finally make it out of the apartment, loose, limber and soft from their morning cocoon, Clarke is ravenous.

Her stomach is staging a revolt inside and her brain is starting to join in based on the lack of caffeine it is beginning to notice.

But Lexa holds her hand and smiles sweetly at her, so reminiscent of their time in between the sheets, and all complaints fly out the window.

They walk to a somewhat fancy brunch spot on Newbury Street, and Clarke can't find it in herself to grumble about the tourists. She's too wrapped up in her somewhat normal weekend that she lucked into. The kind that happen few and far between.

She's going to cherish it. And if this is where Lexa wants to brunch, this is where they will brunch.

She's lost in Lexa's lazy grins and her somewhat giggly behavior. Odd yet wholly indicative of how relaxed she must be after Clarke's attention all morning and the Bloody Mary she's almost finished.

It feels like another life- stealing this morning with Lexa and doing something so wonderfully mundane. Brunch on the weekend with her girlfriend. It's not something Clarke really ever pays mind to. What they have is special in its own right and her career and training are paramount. But being here and getting it is amazing.

They way Lexa is looking at her… she gets it, too.

They share bites of food with each other and Clarke fills Lexa in on her crazy week. Lexa talks about trying to impress her boss and a new recipe she wants to cook for dinner.

Not shy in taking advantage of a full day of Clarke.

It's simple and so domestic and Clarke can't stop smiling.

 

Xx

 

They stop at the small market on the way back to Lexa's apartment to pick up items for dinner. Clarke wanders the tiny, narrow aisles and grabs snacks and things she can eat easily at work.

Lexa pops up on her field of vision once in awhile as they divide and conquer the store on a weekend. Small smiles and quiet questions as they pass like ships in the night, or when Clarke stops to dump her full arms into the small cart Lexa pushes.

She drops a quick kiss on Lexa's cheek and runs a hand along her shoulder before sneaking away again. The vibrant bouquets of flowers near the entrance drawing her attention.

She picks out a colorful mix of wildflowers that remind her of Lexa and smirks as she smells them. She can picture Lexa's face, the slow surprise that always takes its time dawning- that beautiful realization that Clarke is doing something sweet for her.

Lexa is nearing the entrance to a line when Clarke sets out to find her again, flowers held down at her side. She can't help the smile that spreads on her face when she finds Lexa, studying the contents of their cart.

Clarke is able to sneak up and place the flowers directly in her line of sight, leaning around her and watching that look happen. When Lexa looks up her eyes are so bright and happy. Clarke closes the short distance and pecks her lips quickly. Full of sweetness.

Wonders how many kisses it'll take to get Lexa back in bed for a little bit when they get back to the apartment.

She's so distracted by that thought, and Lexa's half-lidded eyes that she doesn't realize she's bumped into someone behind her. Not until she's turning around to apologize and seeing the one face she never would have guessed she'd see.

"Mom?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tap tap- is this thing on? hey, hello, happy friday. thank you everyone for being so patient with me and this story while i spend some time in lawyer land with TIHIH. i really needed to get that out and get it out the way i needed to. but here are some more words for you. also- i wrote a halloween drabble for this 'verse over on my tumblr page. go find it if you haven't yet. it's not necessary to read for this chapter, but i think it's pretty cute.


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